Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Team Vagina

Or My Balls Have Glitter....

Would you expect anything less? Really?

As shocking of an admission as it is, I will tell you that every now and again something horridly stupefying comes out of my mouth. What's not so shocking is that this time around it involves balls.


Allow me to take you through the rear end of this....I casually made the comment that I hoped Irishman wasn't getting bored with me. Due to conflicting work schedules and the busyness of the kids lately we haven't really gone out and done much. We occasionally grab something to eat but nothing in the way of socializing. SO my fatass mouth super special self suggested we get a hobby.

It went like this:
ME: "Maybe I should get a hobby.
 Or pick up a skill that we can both do something with.
 I don't want to be boring"

Him: "Archery! We could hunt together"

ME: Deadpan...."really? 
1.you want me to climb into a tree...off the ground...
high up...with the possibility of a long fall.
 D. It's a deadly weapon. You WANT to be out 
in the middle of no where with me wielding a weapon?"

Him: "It's just a bow. Not a rifle. I'm not that stupid. What could possibly happen?"

ME: "I shoot you in the ass on accident. Seriously. 
I can't walk up the stairs without falling. What's next on the list?"

Then from somwhere deep within the spastic expanses of my black matter (I'm better than grey...I'm black) I yell "BALLS! Yes! Balls! What about bowling?"

Thus began my journey to a sprained vagina. (I'm blaming the shoes!) It can happen. Just trust me on this one. I don't have a WHOLE lot of details, but I can tell you it happened some time between lugging my glitter ball out of the mouth that spits them out of the floor, getting the toe of my uber fashionable bowling shoe caught on the step of the lane approach, catching and righting myself before face planting on the glitter ball and throwing the damn glitter confection down the lane. I also managed to pull a butt muscle HOWEVER I did roll my best score ever! 69!



True Story!




also linking up with the awesomeness of #iPPP hosted by the ever fabulous Greta and Sunday Spill!
GFunkified

19 comments:

Kerstin @ Auer Life said...

69? Are you sure that was the score? LOL - this is too funny, you just can't make shit like that up!

becca said...

got love bowling

SouthMainMuse said...

Ouch. Ducky. That was hysterical but made me flinch. Bowling is fun but we have to drive a ways to lanes. A 69? Too funny. I think I bowled a 169 once.

Momma Fargo said...

Hah.Nice number.

Coffeypot said...

Watching that thing roll down the alley might give me acid flashbacks to the 60's. Me and Rev Jim had a lot in common.

AudreyN said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! I totally have had that same conversation with my husband, except he suggests something stupid and car related. I wish there was bowling near us (its like 40 mins away at this skanky bowling lanes / casino) Anyways sorry you sprained your vagina LOL

Greta @gfunkified said...

Ha! You're really terrible, aren't you? I mean, he beat you by over 100 point. Which I guess would be ideal for you if you don't mind and it pumps up his ego. Ouch!

Kim said...

We have been talking about going bowling again soon - we haven't been in years and were thinking our boys might enjoy it. I would totally blame the shoes. It's always the shoes when I trip. :)

Kristen Daukas said...

So is a sprained vagina the same as a pulled groin muscle? Wonka wonka!! Love it!!

Angelwithatwist said...

We have a bowling alley an hour away that has all night bowling. We went as a group several years ago and my sisters then husband had never bowled. He walked down to the lane, swung his arm back and the ball went flying from his fingers to the floor and tables BEHIND him. Yeah we all kept a wide path around him after that.

Poppy said...

I've avoided bruising my vagina since childbirth. Way to go!

Beth W said...

OoOoO....I never thought of it like that before! Beer and 6 seconds of exercise. :D

Sarah Reinhart said...

hehehee. sorry about the sprained vagina, but happy for you that you found something you and your man can enjoy. my husband and i have had similar conversations lately. we need something new. perhaps bowling? perhaps glittery balls? thanks for the inspiration.

Sandy said...

OMG! You made me laugh out loud at work this morning. Then I read this post to my boss so he could laugh with me. Thanks!

jbrocket said...

69 is honestly about my average at bowling! we should bowl together and thumb our noses at those three digit scoring show offs!

Just A Normal Mom said...

Haha. I actually love bowling. Once a year. With alcohol involved. :)

Tara said...

So, how does a sprained vagina help with the alone time? ;)

Sorry, couldn't resist! I hope your vajayjay feels better soon, and you butt as well.

Heather said...

Um ouch! I loved the last pin though! Perfectly described bowling!

I hope your vagina is ok though. ;)



Heather from Mommy Only Has 2 Hands

Babes Mami said...

My parents used to bowl in a league and I joined one when I was 17 through work, I love bowling! I'm no longer skilled at it, really, I never was but it's tons of fun! Your poor, poor vagina!! I hope it's feeling better.