Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Flatulent Relaxation


My line of work requires usage of the upper back, neck and arms muscles. They get sore along with my hands and wrists. Its just part of the job. Repetitive motion injuries are common. Stands to reason that a massage is a fabulous way to help combat these job related ailments. I made an appointment and off I went for an hour of some glorious rubbed out relaxation gift card in hand (Thank you Mommy).

You may be cringing. I understand that some people don't like to be touched by a stranger. And by understand, I mean, "I think you're totally missing out and I seriously don't understand the phobia AT ALL. It is one of THE BEST relaxation options available on the legal market. You're so weird." There are several different types of massages and even additions to a massage such as hot stones, body scrubs or aromatherapy.

Heh...maybe we should stay away from aromatherapy.

This particular session started out with an amazing scalp and neck rub and then he rubbed my ears. If you've never had this done...HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF VODKA AND CHOCOLATE it is the most amazing feeling. I've been begging Irishman to rub my ears ever since then and he just looks at me like I'm a bit fooked in the head. He just doesn't know. And because I work with my hands, the hand part of the full body massage is an especially "feel good" zone for me.

It was fake ocean spa in the heart of the Midwest perfection until the moment he actually tugged on my index finger a little.

CRIPES - AIRSUCKAGE - CLINCH

Dear Lawd I had NO IDEA that whole {Pull My Finger} thing was an actual natural chain of reactions!

Could also have been that I totally messed up when I chose to eat chili for lunch aaaand as my life would have it, the massage appointment was after said chili lunch.

ERMEGHERD!

When you are on the receiving end of a massage, your body relaxes. Do you KNOW what happens when your body begins to relax? Your bunghole goes "Wheeeewie! Hello Chili Honks!"  Let's just say the massage was null and void at the point of finger pullage as my entire body was clinched tighter than lockjaw in an effort to NOT add my own aromatherapy to the session.

Chili is not conducive to relaxing from having a stranger rub down your body. Lesson learned....the hard way.

12 comments:

Coffeypot said...

Actually, the only massage I enjoy involves a little lotion and a hand. I'll fart if you want me to, but I don't require it.

My Half Assed Life said...

The Irishman should be grateful you're asking him to rub your ears instead of pulling your finger.

Rosie said...

"Wheeeewie! Hello Chili Honks!" Made me literally LOL! :)

Carrie Rambles said...

*whimper* I want a massage.

Momma Fargo said...

Oh, I snorted. Thanks for that! And no one had to pull my finger and it came out the other end of the body, thank you very much!

Just A Normal Mom said...

"Chili Honks" - LOL'd at that one. Guarantee you aren't the first to have "flatulence" on the table, nor will you be the last. They even teach the "why's" of it in massage school... right along with why massage sometimes gives men involuntary erections. That said, I'd still be embarrassed and tense, too. ;)

Debi C. said...

This is something that would happen to me... and then I would blog about it! Thanks for the LOL!

Casi Usher said...

I literally just rolled on the floor laughing sounds like my kind of luck I just laughed until I cried and my cheeks hurt oh my bless your heart!

Casi Usher said...

I literally just rolled on the floor laughing sounds like my kind of luck I just laughed until I cried and my cheeks hurt oh my bless your heart!

Casi Usher said...

I literally just rolled on the floor laughing sounds like my kind of luck I just laughed until I cried and my cheeks hurt oh my bless your heart!

Casi Usher said...

I literally just rolled on the floor laughing sounds like my kind of luck I just laughed until I cried and my cheeks hurt oh my bless your heart!

Casi Usher said...
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