Friday, August 31, 2012

Purge Your Sins

I overshare, you overshare...this is a JOINT effort in unlocking the secrets in your closet so you can spend the weekend filling it back up with new ones. Comeon....try it! You'll like it!


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I Confess...
I have been dreaming about pooping. It is the weirdest thing! Who dreams about going poop in weird places with people watching??? I'm seriously afraid to even know what that means.

 I confess...
I was extremely inefficient in my gas usage this week. Bad eco-friendly person. My carbon footprint has to be at least the size of....of a....um...Sasquatch!

I Confess...
 I am a tad excited for the weather to change. I hate the reduction in sunshine hours BUT I've taken to cranking the AC to Artic so that I can pull a sweatshirt right out of the dryer and lounge around in it.


I Confess...
When Irishman promised a hot oil massage upon arriving to his abode and I got out of my car and saw this...

I got real skeered that he meant motor oil and promptly booked an appointment with Jodi the Beater. I call her that. Its what she does. I pay her to beat the crap out of me...and I.LIKE.IT

I Confess...
I can barely stick with a two week tooth whitening strip program...what made me think I could train for a half marathon?

Cheers to Friday!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I Did It...

I pulled it all out.

I'm THAT neighbor.

The temperatures started dropping. We went from Satan's fart blast to tolerable marshmallow roasting mid day. The nights were actually hitting the mid 60's and the air just feels like Fall.

But alas, we are again near 100 and my scarecrow is shamed. He won't even hold his head up...premature Fall-elation.

Is there therapy for this? Aside from wine I mean....

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Observations From The Swings #iPPP


Lil Duck doesn't return to the school until next Tuesday. Late...I know. So we've been finishing out our summer strong with fun activities of her choosing. Have I ever mentioned how much I love being a mom?

I Do (<----not sarcasm at all)

As a mom striving to set an excellent example, because as we all know its our actions that speak VOLUMES louder than anything our mouths ever say, I never gaze around the park in a fog of awe and wonderment and judge others. (<---total sarcasm. I offer such a label because some people don't have a sarcasm detector...justsayin)


While swinging spider style with Lil Duck, she is attempting to lick my chin and laughing maniacally while I am a nosey busybody  looking around noticing there are far more father's with children than any other grouping (ie: grandparents with children, older siblings and younger, yoga pant clad minivan mafia buggy pushers....you get the idea).  I'm figuring this must be a standard visitation day. Pure accuracy speculation on my part.

~I also noticed that the swinging motion makes me super nauseous and suggest Lil Duck close her mouth. Precautionary move on her part.

~Calf length socks paired with shorts and tennis shoes was way too common of a fashion showing among the men. GQ, I do believe your outreach is severely limited.

~Next time I'm going to grab Lil Duck's cousin on our way to the park. She no longer has as much fun screaming and running with me. Could also be she is finally aware that other mothers don't act like child eating monsters and scream while chasing their children across a park. It is possible I have finally started to embarrass her. Again, pure speculation on my part. Knowing Lil Duck, it could simply have been my lack of lip gloss.

~I wish I could've called a Time Out and taken one dad out of play and explained that his freaking out about his daughter's skirt and her lack of ability to keep her knees together while on the merry-go-round at the age of 7 had a few issues (<---judge much? Seriously everyone has their own style)

BUT....

1.she had shorts built into the skirt

B..if it was THAT big of a deal, have a change of clothing for her so she isn't in a skort at the park.

IV. If you were MY dad and screamed from your bench in the shade on the other side of the playground that I needed to keep my knees together, complete with gestures, I would've begged a different family to take me home with them.

~Oh! And the penguin slide? Ummm....REALLY stinks like pee. GAH-ROSSSSSSSS!



div align="center">Mamamash

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

P to the I to the N...

An insomniac's, and likely a plethora of passive aggressive people's, wet dream....the PINterest. If you haven't joined the addiction. DO IT. Even I went dragging my feet into it and now wish I hadn't. Not only is it inspiration for the kitchen but a spastastic way to record your angst with the human population. All the things you wish you could pin to the forehead of those beautiful lovely people sucking up your good, clean, breathable air you can stick on a board. Because it really is frustrating that all the people who really SHOULD accidentally eat the rat poison never do. So...find some pins for what you wish you could pin to someone with a knife and then follow it up with ones that make you laugh til you fart.


From my For The Giggle Of It board...






Source: google.ca via Ducky on Pinterest
Source: via Ducky on Pinterest

Is that enough? geez...It probably should be. I really could post a ton of theses. I mean, like you'll ever actually look at my board and there is SO MUCH awesomeness on there. I will just share a couple more....





Source: via Ducky on Pinterest


Do you have a favorite board? A favorite pinner? I am always on the hunt for new Pinners to follow and love. Don't be stingy....do share!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Hey Mama Welcome to the 60's


Ahhh yes...I do so miss the days of yore whereupon swans we sat our bums...

"Hey-Suess, Mary and Joseph! This is 2012!", I emphatically declared just the other day in response to some idiotic adult as though it were some big well kept secret. Then BOOM! Stasha from The Good Life casually tosses out that Ten Clues That Tell You You're Living in 2012 is going to be this week's Monday Listicle topic.

{looks over shoulder} um....you watching me, woman? Is this a test?

Join with me in highlighting clues that it ain't yo momma's 1961 anymore...

Ten Clues You're Living in 2012

1. Neil Armstrong dies and more people don't know who he was than do...

2. One of your "inner circle" besties sends you a brand new vibrator in the mail. SURPRISE!

3. You love red lights because it gives you a chance to check texts/tweets/facebook 

4. You've been together two years and you just recently memorized his phone number...everything is on autodial/contacts lists...

5. Everyone has added Xanax and a shot of vodka at bedtime just to numb the stimulus of a crazy busy day enough to fall asleep. (or that's just me...)

6. You run out of easily memorizable options for internet passwords. EVERYTHING requires a unique one.

7. Its perfectly acceptable for your 4 year old to wear shimmery glittery lip gloss. Afterall as long as she doesn't look like Honey Boo Boo you're not in the running for Worst Mother of the Year.

8. You clap and your lights go off. You fart and they come on.

9. Your attention span is so short you can't finish a post

In honor of my having taken the stage yesterday for a lively production of Hairspray, let's all enjoy Welcome to the 60's since it fits with today and all....

Sunday, August 26, 2012

DelSol Color Changing Clothes & Accessories - Giveaway

Surely I am not the ONLY one who remembers hyper color clothing that was all the rage in the 80's? I loved it (do not judge) then and I'm certainly having a blast with what is available now. DelSol Color Changing Clothing and Accessories has everything from men's tshirts, women's tshirts and kid's tees,  nail polish, headbands, necklackes and bracelets to a whole new line of Disney color changing products. SQUEEE!

Of the items DelSol sent for review, my favorite by far is the Shell Necklace. Lil Duck was eager to help me try out the color changing feature as she didn't believe it would really happen! She placed it around her neck, found the closest sunbeam and waited...



IT WORKED! From a pearl white to a gorgeous pink and one very excited little girl! I don't have a clue how this process works but it is no secret that I am fascinated and just as excited as my 4 year old at watching items magically change colors! Hard to beat awesome quality and affordability mixed with just the right dash of magic!

DelSol has such a wide variety of items to choose from whether you're looking for something unique for yourself, a birthday gift, Christmas gift or Labor Day gift (hey...every day is a gift-worthy holiday in my book!) you will make fantastic finds at DelSol!
One lucky winner will receive a bottle of color changing nail polish! Use the rafflecopter below to enter! Giveaway open world wide!

Connect with DelSol:
www.delsol.com
Facebook
Twitter
Google+
Pinterest

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Brace Yourself...

Always adding new products and deals with your ultimate satisfaction in mind, CalExotics is a fabulous source for enhancing your bedroom adventures.

As a part of the sexpert review team (<---like that? Someone thinks I know what I'm doing)...you will see posts now and again about an awesome new must have product. Normally this is where I tell ya what I tried and how to work it....my review arrived a little banged up (no pun intended) and I suspect maybe the mailman had a little fun with it while in transit? I don't know. But I thought "ewww" too.

So in lieu of my expert opinion (<---again, like that? Someone thinks I know what I'm talking about) I am going to send you over to a REAL Sexpert at Boobies, Babies, & A Blog. She absolutely knows her stuff and tell you all about how to double click your mouse this month!

Friday, August 24, 2012

I Have A Confession

It's Friday and I'm really getting into this purging before the weekend hits (thanks Mamarazzi). Who wants to be laden with with all that...uh...guilt? Sure...guilt. Purge, judge, purge and judge...whatever you need to feel better (including wine while reading).
I Confess...

I NEVER would've thought my chocolate to be at risk in a house full of boys. I learned the hard way that chocolate will NEVER be safe in a house full of boys. It was a matter of great self control, however I can report that no one died in this discovery.

I Confess...

There was one day in which I did NOTHING. I drank from a Dixie cup as the sink was full of dirty dishes and sat in my swim suit as the laundry fairy also took the day off, but I read an entire book! A glorious 432 pages of danger, psychosis, romance and murder written by a favorite author who has perfected the ability to masterfully create a storyline around the age old struggle of good and evil.

I Confess...

It was TOTALLY worth it.

I Confess...
I'm not sleeping again and I think I know why. It also irritates me...the why, not the sleeping part.

I Confess...
I watched myself on a video from the weekend and I'm pretty sure now the mirrors in my house have been lying to me. I know the camera can add 10 pounds but...um...yeah...I'm pretty pissed at my mirror.

I Confess...
I must stop spending money as though I HAVE money. Dearest Time Warner, I do believe I am finally giving you the boot in the ass I've been threatening to do for so long now. Budget cutting and you're the first to go!


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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Reading The Duck Feathers



 I read them from time to time but not because I expect them to be some great predictor of my day or my life. I don’t light candles, drink chicken blood or look to them for guidance in how to proceed with my voodoo dolls, all that gets done regardless of how they read.

Sometimes horoscopes make me laugh at the absurdity and often times I’m rolling my eyes to migraine proportions. They are all flowery and nice when really straight and to the point will do. I could do a better job of writing them…so I have. I give you Madame Ducky's Feather Readings.....

Horoscope: That gut feeling you experience can guide you toward greatness and alert you to danger. Trust it more.

RE-DO Scope: Remember that Mexican lunch you ate out when you were suppose to be taking your lunch to work? Yeah...your gut is going to alert you to the exact moment when your budget minded spouse will find out. So much for secrets. Take Beano next time.


Horoscope:  Use your creativity to make things happen today. You're known for your sharp thinking and creative abilities. Combining them can make you unstoppable when finding solutions to almost any problem.

RE-DO Scope: see...you only needed to add fishnets to that hooker getup to make things happen. Way to be the suppository in the bunghole of life! You may get the water turned back on yet, sugarpie.

Horoscope: Today's a good day to check into advancing your career or education.  When was the last time you learned a new skill?

RE-DO Scope: get a damn job, you lazy bum! XBox aint gonna make you no money!


Horoscope: You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work diligently.

RE-DO Scope: Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a damn communist.

Horoscope:  You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems but tend to procrastinate.
RE-DO Scope:  You are a sucker and likely will never get off welfare. Good thing you've got the government to support you.

Not too keen on what today's scopes had to say? Check out THESE ReDo Scopes...you may find something more fitting! In the off chance you were hoping for a set of lucky numbers, my Magic 8 ball says "Better not tell you now".


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**Have a horoscope you'd like me to run through the duck feathers? Send me an email and a link to your blog and I will see just what else the feathers have to say and link to you in an upcoming post.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Harriet Takes 10

Welcome Monday. (<---fake it til you make sort of mentality...just go with me. Its easier that way)

How did you (will you) get to work today? Climb in your car/truck/van/scooter? Stasha can't. Stasha lives over at The Good Life and she's been restricted to the bicycle for quite some time now. Forced into the perspective of appreciating what she once took for granted, she has encouraged the rest of us Monday Listicle writers to also appreciate not hoofing it Bedrock style.

 10 Things About My Car

1. Her name is Harriet

2. She has curves

3. Irishman says she's a blue-hair but she is NOT driven like a blue-hair. She has speed...and a gas pedal and can go vroooooom yeeehaw when she needs to. Yes...she says yeeehaw.

4. Like her occupants, she has gas

5. Like her owner she has a cute tailpipe

6. She takes multiple packages in the rear

7. She is a dirty girl but enjoys her sparkly moments as well

8. Her tires are low...she needs some air

9. Lil Duck thinks her mommy is the best driver ever!....oh wait...this is suppose to be about the car. Harriet has the best driver ever!

10. She is immune to all speed traps and radar guns. This leads me to believe she has a special invisible cloak that engages once the engine is running. This would also explain the asinine amount of idiots that pull out in front of me.


Sunday, August 19, 2012

Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway

Are you squee'ing? I am. If you are just mildly curious its because you haven't actually experienced the Shabby Apple experience, an online boutique of women's dresses! If I could own a piece from every collection, I would! What I do have I absolutely LOVE. I receive compliments on it nearly every single time I wear it and I am absolutely looking forward to growing the existence of their label in my closet.
We will just get right to the good stuff...one winner is going to receive THIS Shabby Apple dress:
 (Use the rafflecopter form below to enter)
Ballerina
Plum-colored folds of soft jersey fabric dip from the shoulders into a ruched waist that runs from bust to hip on this flouncy, ballet-inspired dress.  Perfect for traveling, this dress sports a V-neck and fully lined skirt for extra coverage, so whether at the office or on the road, you'll feel comfortable and beautiful.

You will find both a length guide and sizing chart on the Shabby Apple website. While you're over there figuring out what size you'll need, be sure to check out the newest collections and the wardrobe MUST HAVE staples! 

These are for sure on my WANT list...
What will be on yours?


CharmStrandz - Giveaway & Review 2 Winners

Lil Duck loves jewelry. She is my diva who is always accessorized...even at bed time! When I found CharmStrandz, I knew it was a company I wanted to play with! CharmStrandz is an affordable way for boys and girls alike to make a style statement that is as individual as their creativity as they head back to school.

With choices ranging from zipper pulls, to headbands, bracelets, earrings, charm hair extensions and more, you'll find hundreds of charms to clip on. Sports charms, smiley faces, feathers and super diva rhinestones, parents will be able to help their kids choose multiple charms for the perfect statement about who they are and what they love.

For Lil Duck, I chose a purple CharmStrandz bracelet priced at $2.99 and 5 charms starting at $1.29 each. Matching her current Diva Princess trend, we picked out Cinderella's carriage, a rhinestone ring, the castle, a white horse and a glass slipper. The perfect Princess bracelet.

Easy to assemble and fun to work together, Lil Duck who is four (next week) had a super fun time putting this together.

CharmStrandz also has this awesome party option called Party In A Box. Perfect for a birthday party, scouting event or holiday party, the box comes with everything you need!

In each party box the host chooses 1 regular priced accessory and 4 regular priced charms for each person. The party-in-a-box also includes the following itmes for everyone attending the party: 
  • CharmStrandz Party Invitation and Thank You card
     
  • CharmStrandz Gift Bag
     
  • Personalized bottlecap photo charm featuring the host of the party
     
  • All CharmStrandz parties are featured on our website and on the CharmStrandz Facebook site as a pic of the week
You will find all the information you need on the website where you can also submit pictures of your creations at home, find a How To video with step by step instructions as well get connected with CharmStrandz on TWITTER and FACEBOOK.







CharmStrandz is giving away two prizes! One Winner will receive the Girls Charm Hair Extension with your choice of charms and One Winner will receive a Boys Bracelet with your choice of charms. Please enter using the rafflecopter form below. You need not be a blogger to enter and this is open World Wide!

xZubi Discs Giveaway -Review


We hear often and are well informed about the dangers of radiation and take care to slather ourselves and our family in sunscreen when they head out into the sun to protect them from UV rays. However do you ever wonder about the myriad of electronic devices that we (and our children) use on a daily basis?

Sure there are tons of studies published about the potential danger from cell phones and other electronic devices but nobody seems to be telling us how to avoid those dangers except by not using the items. Which one of us is going to give up our cell phones? It isn't going to be me and I promise to not use this as a reason for people to stop calling me. TEXT ME I will actually ANSWER!

In case you didn't know, your cell phone produces radiation called electromagnetic fields (EMFs) (I'm totally thinking Ghost Hunters here...ha!). When you are using your cell phone you are trapped in the path of the EMFs as they bounce between your phone and the cell towers. Just like all radiation there is the potential for harm. (information provided by company. I don't pretend to have researched this stuff)

Did you know that a 2 minute cell phone call alters a childs brain pattern for an hour? Yikes! I would much rather be on the safe than sorry side! I must teach her to text...first spell...then text.


xZubi is a small disc made from high grade materials--exclusive to xZubi--that significantly reduce the amount of electromagnetic radiation emitted by electronic and wireless devices. It has been test via independent testing labs that are US Certified Government FCC.

It's a small round disc that you simply stick onto the back of your devices. Why wouldn't you take to two seconds to do this? Better safe than sorry! I received a family pack of five and have one on my cell phone, and my laptop. I am not a scientist and have no clue how to measure radiation, but I would rather take a couple seconds to stick on a little disc than wait until someone finally confirms my electronic addiction is why I have three boobs*.  All of my devices are working just fine and I have noticed NO change at all in their functionality since installing the discs. 

*so I might be a tad dramatic about this but still...you never know

Where can you buy it?  You can purchase the xZubi or just learn more about them online at xZubi. For a limited time you will get the 5 pack at the introductory price of $59.95 (a savings of $90!)

OR WIN IT! xZubi is offering to send one of my readers a 5 pack of xZubi discs. That is a $149 value. Use the rafflecopter below to enter!



Saturday, August 18, 2012

Konvine - Rollable Flats Review


Rollable, foldable easy to transport ballet flats!

Comfortable awesome styles to add to any wardrobe. You're going to love these!
You love shoes or you wouldn't have clicked this specific post, right? Assuming you equally adore a killer set of heels as you do ballet flats, you know the issues all fashionable women wearing amazing heels face.

  • Hard to drive in and you risk ruining the heels
  • Half way through the work day (if you're on your feet much) your tootsies are killing you
  • Always fashionable but not always practical (ie: plane ride or standing in a wedding party)
So what is a chic to do? Find your favorite must-have pair of rollable ballet flats from Konvine and stick them in your purse, carry-on bag, the drawer of your desk or even your glove box in the car. They are seriously THAT transportable.
I was super excited to receive my pair of Konvine rollable flats, the Lucy Leopard with Skulls. They ARE comfy and perfect for around the house wear, quick trip to the grocery store and driving all over the city between jobs. Durable, soft and stylish, I LOVE the convenience of tossing these in my bag for ANY situation.

The come in sizes small, medium, large and x-large; covering women's shoe sizes 6 to 13. I am somewhere between a 7 and 7.5 depending on the shoe and style. I went with the small, while it does fit and I have been wearing them, I should've gone with the Medium. Regardless, I would absolutely buy a second pair in a different style. These are fun, statement worthy, of great quality and quickly have become a staple accessory to my wardrobe!

Starting at $10 you'll be able to find a budget friendly style to fit your tastes regardless of spending $10 or $40. Be sure to get connected with Konvine through FACEBOOK or TWITTER to find out the newest styles and when they go on sale!

To Buy: check out www.konvine.com

These would make great gifts as well...it isn't too early to start thinking Christmas! (yes...I went there...128 days remaining).

Friday, August 17, 2012

Friday Confessional - Purge With Me

It's Friday...a perfect way to kick off the weekend besides wine with lunch is to confess. Start the weekend with a clean slate and maybe even reverse some of that bad juju. Join me, judge me, whatever floats your boat. TGIF


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I confess... 
 I am now the proud owner of a set of golf clubs. NEVER say never, people. I did and it not only came back to whack me in the ass (in the form of a 5 iron) but it also shredded my non-manual labor girlie hands.


I confess...
 I have fantastic friends and I am still getting plenty of mileage out of the fact that you can't Fabreeze skank, but you can give her a pointy black hat and perfectly matching shoes.


I confess...
If you give a little girl a rag and suggest she looks just like Cinderella, the whole house gets dusted without you lifting a finger.

I confess...
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When my sister suggested we go into business running a daycare, I laughed out loud. I love the children in my family. Yours? Meh...maybe not so much. It is nothing personal, I promise. It really is more of a matter of having already spent 8 hours a day with them for 9 months out of the year for 12 years.

I confess...
I had a serious case of dumbassitis yesterday. I was in the bank drive thru and dropped the tube while trying to get it back into the sucker upper thingie mabobber. Now I have a scratch and maybe even a little ding where it ricocheted off my door.

I confess...
That the dumbassitis lasted all day. Yesterday evening while driving to the store for some wine and dirty martini makings I passed a business and thought "Wow! That place was super busy" as the parking lot was chalk full of vehicles. On the way BACK past said business I realized it was a used car dealership.
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Okay...now its your turn! Go on...confess...you will feel so much better and we want to laugh at you.