Saturday, March 31, 2012

Costume Discounters - review

Its not just for Halloween!! Dressing up ANY TIME is just pure awesome fun! In fact I was just invited to a birthday party next month that has a Zoo theme. Everyone is suppose to dress up as their favorite animal or bug! How fun is that?!

And of course if you have children, like I do, costumes sometimes take the place of daily clothing. It is not uncommon for me to do my grocery shopping with a ladybug or Cinderella. I've hit Wallyhell with Silvermist, the water fairy, and even Snow White complete with the heels and crown! What can I say, Princesses and Fairies are a bit hit in my house!

Costume Discounters is a fantastic source for girls princess costume selections! I allowed Lil Duck to select her desire for this review and she promptly added Belle to her collection.
I must say that Lil Duck looks WAY CUTER than this stock photo. If I didn't completely wig out about putting my kiddo on the interwebs, I would show you her photo! SHE LOVES IT! And it is very well made. I am super impressed with the detailing on the costume and the quality. Priced at $19.74, I wish I would've found this at Halloween before I shelled out $35 for a costume at a local store that wasn't nearly the quality of this one! Its so beautiful on!

Of course Costume Discounters doesn't just carry items for children. There are plenty of adult costumes and categories to choose from. Themes for currently holidays, sexy costumes (ooh lala), couples costumes and even dress up your pooch!! Lots of options to choose from at VERY affordable pricing! Not to mention a whole section of accessories from wigs, to shoes, to nylons...everything you need to make your outfit complete. A one-stop shop! To check out the latest Costume Discounter's promos and discounts LIKE their facebook page and stay in the loop!


***I was provided product for the purpose of facilitating the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**

The Birthday Chronicle - Review


 

Personalized Gifts for Anyone, Anytime! Looking for a great unique gift for an upcoming birthday? Try the Birthday Chronicle! Irishman turns 40 in just a few weeks and I ordered one for him. Fun, unique and entertaining! I actually learned things I hadn't known about 1972 before. Because...you know... I didn't actually come into this world until 7 years later! Bwaaahaaaa.



Your Birthday Chronicle is customizable with name, birthday date and headline. Simply submit the info on line via the website and a PDF version will be emailed to you a short time later! The Birthday Chronicle will include a greeting by name from the then-President of the United Sates, plus newspaper headlines and stories of from the year of birth entered!

It comes in the form of an 81/2 x 11 mini newspaper front page and can go as far back as January 1, 1900 up to December 31, 2011. It's an awesome keepsake that looks fabulous framed, or rolled in a scroll like fashion for presentation and enjoyed over and over again. Its a great conversational piece that allows you to reminisce about the academy award winners and the top music hits and songs the year of your birth!

Free items are offered often so be sure to check them out using one of the following: 
Google+


I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.


Friday, March 30, 2012

Sins of a Duck

Its Friday! We FINALLY made it. It was looking kind of iffy there mid week. Without procrastination, lets confess our sins with Mamarazzi in order that we may enjoy a guilt free weekend. Let us begin...


Photobucket

I Confess...

I Confess...
... I wonder if I died today, who would discover my sex toy collection and what would they do with it? (yes, these are the conversations the voices in my head have.)

I Confess...
...In order to make it through the last 8 weeks of the school year, I have implemented a reward system. For every Friday I make it to without quitting, I do something or buy something just for myself. 
Source: polyvore.com via Ducky on Pinterest

I Confess...
...On my lunch break I went to my car and took a nap. Its been a rough week.

I Confess...
...I had just as much fun at Disney On Ice as Little Duck. I may have had MORE fun than she did!

I Confess...
...I have a really difficult time these days hiding my "You're Effn Stupid!" face...even with the kids at work. That probably makes me a monster but my tolerance tank is beyond full!

I Confess...
...that as I was sitting here typing up this post, I kept thinking that I would REALLY like a yummy snack and I REALLY wish I had some good chocolate in the house. And BOOM! My doorbell rang...the blogging gods heard my chocolate plea....THIS ARRIVED! I LOVE BLOGGING!!!!! Chocolate covered apples, bananas and strawberries.... OH EM GEE....mouthgasms!!!

OH HAPPY DAY!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Ultimate Body Applicator - REAL Results! Giveaway



I was skeptical at first but, like you, wanting to try it in the off chance that it might actually work! How awesome would it be to spend 45 minutes reading a book or taking a nap while something worked to change the shape of my body? No Sweat, no expensive spa trips, lasting results and ALL NATURAL! No ingesting scary chemicals.

I used the ItWorks! Ultimate Body Applicator, wrapping my belly for the minimum 45 minutes. I lost 2.25 inches right off! AND my stretch marks were visibly lighter and my sagging belly pockets (as I call them...thank you pregnancy) were firmer. It was enough of a visible difference that I went right home and showed Irishman. He could tell a difference and ordered wraps for himself! After his first wrap he lost 3 inches! We both continued to lose over the 72 hours following, as the product claims a person can. I was down a total of 2.75 and Irishman 3.75 inches! GUYS THIS TOTALLY WORKS FOR YOU AND NO GIRLIE SMELLING STUFF EITHER!

I was SO impressed with the results of my wrap and the fact that even a week later it hadn't come back, I joined the independent distributor team! I am NOT a salesman people. I DO however TOTALLY believe in this product (along with all the other products they sell). Check out the pictures below.

You can wrap your belly, your chin, your arms, your thighs, back and butt!  Botox is a $397 million industry, Lipsuction $638 million a year, and Shapewear $720 million a year industry. These wrap don't require surgery and you don't have to take out a loan! $25 gets you one wrap or 4 for $59 with their Loyal Customer plan.
How does it work?? Click below to enlarge...this is NOT a water loss wrap just to be clear!

For more information my webpage is HERE as well as my contact information! Please feel free to email me at batcrapcrazyblog@gmail.com or find me on twitter @batcrapcrazy

TRY IT FOR FREE!!! I'm giving away one Ultimate Body Applicator
Use the rafflecopter form below to enter!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Spartan Race - Kicking Butt Taking Names

This post brought to you by Spartan Race. All opinions are 100% mine.

My love for Zumba is not a secret nor is the fact that I've used Jillian Michaels to help reach my fitness goals. Despite it being March, my health goals from my New Year's resolutions are still in high gear! The Spartan Race SR_logo_banner.png is like nothing I've tackled before. I would absolutely LOVE  this challenge! It would be so awesomely fun to hit this head on with Irishman!

Spartan Race has something for every level and style of racer with races ranging from muddy 3 mile events with 10+ obstacles to up to 40+ mile events. This SCREAMS challenge!

As a beginner you can hit the 5k sprint trail race. Its perfect for getting off the couch. With so many options you'll find this appeals to beginners, hardcore warriors, tough guys and marathon runners. Everyone embracing insane obstacles and challenging mud & trail races that are fun, entertaining and perfect for the whole family sounds like my kind of activity!

Spartans were tough as nails. Who wouldn't want to be a Spartan? Spartan Race goal is simple...you get off the couch, drench yourself in mud and trail sweat, and feed yourself one tough endurance event day that will be the adrenaline rush of your life! Spartan Race is also one of the ONLY events offering a kids race and women's network with Spartan Chicked. I absolutely LOVE that about this race.  The WHOLE family can go and be in an atomosphere that promotes family and community.

 

For frequently asked questions and answers check out: http://www.spartanrace.com//spartan-race-obstacle-course-faq.html Find a Spartan Race near you and join in the 300,000 + people that will participate this year!

Sign Up

Show Up

Never Give Up!

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Visit Sponsor's Site

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

That Moment When...

That Moment When...

...you pull into the garage, its pitch black outside AND in (because you STILL haven't replaced the lightbulbs) and you hesitate to get out of the car.  You were a little slow in punching the auto door closer and a serial killer may have slipped in...or a rabid skunk.


...you realize you've spent an inordinate amount of time swabbing your ears before heading to an appointment with the GYNO.

...remembering half way to the mailbox that you aren't wearing pants.

...you realize its not just a fart

...you find out the little things you've been doing to aggravate the world's biggest Shitstain are working

... you hit SEND on a text and can't remember seeing which name was at the top of the screen.


...you grab the bag at the fast food window and the guy smiles that creepy smile like he just spit in your food.

...you arrive at work and have no idea how you got there nor can you remember anything about the commute.


Surely you  have these moments too... right?!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Do You Hear What I Hear?

credits
There is a man. A homeless man that sits at the corner not far from my job in the ghetto. I've passed him nearly daily for years. He stands with a sign that says, "DEAF HOMELESS anything helps. God Bless".

If you are new here or haven't ever bothered to read my ABOUT page, I should tell you now that I'm a sign language interpreter. I am fluent in this man's primary language. I've stopped on many occasions and spoken with him. I've given him money and I have also purchased extra food for him when I travel between buildings over my lunch break. He is sweet. He is always thankful and he is black.

I share that last bit of information because its important. Last week, I passed a new face on that same corner. A young white man. He was now holding the sign that reads, "DEAF HOMELESS anything helps. God Bless". I sat through a cycle of lights due to traffic so I had the advantage of watching THIS guy strike out with a line of cars, get frustrated and pass off his cardboard sign to another man approaching. They greeted one another with words...spoken words...not once using their hands.

MAYBE he just couldn't read.

MAYBE he didn't know the sign proclaimed him deaf.

MAYBE I'm way beyond cynical and think this guy is an asshole.

And MAYBE I'm a bit concerned as to what fate my deaf friend found. I hope he moved up and on.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

A New Vibe on The Easter Bunny

Spring has sprung and happiness is in the air! How can you enhance that? Fill a basket with eggs. This "rabbit" brings candy but a different kind of candy! Available in a variety of spring colors, you can't go wrong with EdenFantasys selection of sex toys!

However if that isn't necessarily your thing, EdenFantasys has a whole array of bath and body products. You needn't be shy checking these out! They have some awesome products I would love to try. These would be great for creating a custom Easter basket for yourself or your "Honey-bunny". And lets not forget that Mother's Day will be upon us in no time!

Indulge, relax, pamper, beautify! Everyone knows a relaxed pampered kitten makes for a wonderful bedroom vixen! Or maybe thats just me. Fill your basket with items from indulgent lines of body butter, body scrubs, lotions and body washes! Soak in a hot tub of relaxation by candle light...
Let pomegranate candle scent the air while you layer your scents with the Dona Pomegranate body wash
There are so many scents to choose from if this one isn't quite to your liking. Not interested in piecing together your own gift pack? Check out the Shunga Garden of Edo Organic Collection. The perfect massage kit to kick start your pampering bliss or exotic night in!
Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Got Books?

The spring semester will be coming to an end soon enough and summer enrollment is just around the corner! Not to mention all of you with college bound high school seniors will quickly be getting things in order for the fall. The summer will slip by!

College is expensive enough BEFORE you get to the book store to buy all the books you need. Why not RENT them instead and save yourself a substantial amount of money? I don't know about you, but when I was done with my textbooks they usually became a source for the bonfires or lined the bird cage. Justsayin.

Campus Book Rentals is a great online source for renting your textbooks each semester. Why rent? Why use Campus Book Rentals.com as your go-to source?

Because you can:
-save 40-90% off of bookstore prices
-free shipping both ways
-can highlight in the textbooks
-flexible renting periods
-they donate to Operation Smile with each textbook rented

Not quite convinced? Here is a real life example. If you check out the book, Principles of Everyday Behavior Analysis by L.-Keith-Miller you'll find that it retails on Amazon for $125.87. On this site you can rent it for a semester (130 day) for $27.25. That's pretty big savings for a book that you only used for one semester and have no need for now!


And what is Operation Smile all about? 

Operation Smile is a charity organization healing children’s smiles, making the world a better place. As a children’s charity, we measure ourselves by the joy we see on all of the faces we help. At Operation Smile, we’re more than a charity organization. More than an NGO. We’re a mobilized force of medical professionals and caring hearts who provide safe, effective reconstructive surgery for children born with facial deformities such as cleft lip and cleft palate.

Severe cleft conditions often cause an inability to eat, speak, or even smile. With a simple 45 minute procedure this can be fixed and the lives of children born with a cleft condition are changed forever. In too many cases, their parents can’t afford to give them the surgeries they need to live a normal life. With a presence in over 60 countries since 1982, through the assistance of dedicated medical volunteers, Operation Smile has provided free surgeries to children around the world. CampusBookRentals has promised to provide the funds needed for 1000 cleft surgeries, so for EVERY book rented, CampusBookRentals will donate a portion of those proceeds dedicated to meeting their goal of 1,000 surgeries.  Purchases you can feel good about!!


**This post is sponsored by CampusBookRentals.com. 

Growing Culinary Herbs In Containers - book giveaway


Turn your black thumb green!! No, really!!
Growing Culinary Herbs in Containers makes it simple!

Anja Koch has written a fantastic book on growing herbs! Everything you need to know to get started and keep them going! With the unseasonably warm weather here, I've just been itching to get a jump start on spring planting. The vegetable garden has gone in already and plants out. Irishman even doubled its size this year. SUPER EXCITED! Nothing like fresh food from the garden.

Growing culinary herbs is even easier to grow than fruit and veggies! Think space is a factor? Think again! Anja tells you how to overcome your need for space and fill your abode with awesome herbs that you can cook with! Any chef will tell you, cooking with fresh herbs makes everything taste SO much better. Not to mention some herbs are so pretty while growing and super fragrant.

The book will tell you which herbs are best for which lighting situations, what kind of pots to use and why, and there is even a whole section on how to freeze your beautiful herbs to enjoy during the winter months as well! I know that was especially interesting to me as I always feel badly that more grows than I actually am able to use. Problem solved!! Inside, outside, where ever you can grow...GROW! This will tell you how.

Where to buy: AMAZON
Follow Anja on TWITTER
Visit her website for more information or to subscribe to her newsletter.(http://www.gardening-advice.net/)

OR WIN AN eBOOK HERE! The author has generously offered 10 ebooks to giveaway! Lots of winners with this one!

The author offers this information on her book: This ebook is the first of a series called 'Gardening With Little Miss Greenfingers'. It covers all aspects of growing culinary herbs in containers indoors and outdoors. It contains all the information needed for growing herbs including:
  • where to grow your herbs
  • stuff you need for container herb gardening
  • growing herbs from seed
  • culinary herbs suitable for container growing
  • how to look after your herbs
  • dealing with pests and diseases
  • harvesting and preserving herbs
  • make your herb garden attractive
  • annual herbs
  • perennial herbs
  • 17 popular culinary herbs are described in detail with growing instructions and tips for cooking and preserving.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Those Who Don't...

Those who know me know me well. Those who don't....should read this!

It's been a super long time since little ole me made the rounds in an awards dishing. Marvi Marti a recent new find for me, has seen fit to add me in the list of 7 bloggers to pass this along to. This one comes with rules but the rules are simple! (SCORE) I can do simple although I'm pretty sure I will still break them the rebel that I am! Those to be broken are this: you  will have to tell the world 7 things  we might find interesting about you. Then you add your 7 nominees.


I don't know how interesting this list is but it 100% me. Grab some coffee and shake your head trying to decide if you wanna know me or not!


(in no particular order of importance or interest and more than 7 because I break rules)


1. Sign Language interpreting is my passion and I am good at it. I however ABHOR my current job. If you follow me on Twitter you'll see my rants, pleads and pictures of dead mice regarding this.


2. I'm quite silly and tell terrible jokes. Lil Duck seems to have been born with this gene and I couldn't be more proud!


3. I didn't start drinking beer until I was 31. (shocker, I'm sure) 


4. Ever since my sister died, I cry about everything and it totally pisses me off!


5. RARELY do I send out a text that doesn't contain at least ONE typo! I am the butt of many jokes amongst my texting community and am often called a "nut" and "psychotic". Irishman takes MUCH pleasure in my typos and exploiting them to the fullest. He's a funny guy like that...


6. I like the dark and my alone time. (No I'm not a vampire.)


7. I won't stand with my toes under the edge of the bed because I'm afraid man eating poisonous spiders will chew them off. Its COULD happen!


8. I LOVE veggieburgers and vegetables. I am THRILLED about finally getting the veggie garden going!


9. I love getting dressed up. It makes me feel pretty. (SHOES rock my world!)


10. I don't drink sweet tea <---random yes but it something about me.  


11. I am a horrible, terrible, no good, VERY BAD liar!


NOW my List of 7... check 'em out, laugh, cry and shake your head with me. They are fun!!


Holly from 300 Pounds Down

Mrs. Roach at Recently Roached
Rochelle at A Family of Looneys
Andrea at Good Girl Gone Redneck
Suzy Q at Its A Booger County Life
Living A Goddess Life
Mayor Gia...the mayor of crazy town!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Doctor Doctor!

...medicate me...PLEASE!

I doubt I am alone in being thankful Monday is done and over with for this week. Monday's are usually my most trial laden day of the week anyway, but coming back from having been off work for a week? BRUTAL

And I embarked on the day in full DUCKY glamour, glitz and ditz!

I started my morning by dumping half a cup of chocolate milk down my pants. Lil Duck wasn't very happy that I spilled half of her chocolate milk....she doesn't like Monday's so well either.

Half way to work I realized that I forgot to replace my vial of insulin. The one in my pack was currently empty *PALMTOFOREHEAD* That's sort of a life threatening "Ooops".

While driving to work I munched on a banana. Got to a nasty mushy part and decided to pinch it off and toss it out the window. Now, before you chastise me for tossing stuff out the window...its food...the birds needed it. Trust me...

However THAT didn't go so well.... {big sigh}

It was 73 degrees at 8am yesterday....work didn't bother turning on the AC and all of my classes are on the 2nd and 3rd floors of that building. The upside? I probably lost 2 pounds in sweat.

I walked out of work to see this...

Within a few miles it looked like this...

By the time I arrived at Lil Duck's school to pick her up, the rain was coming in sideways and in king size sheets. Pretty much a Monsoon! I don't think I actually touched pavement for most of the drive and I KNOW I passed Noah paddling towards Exit 12. In case you were wondering....it is impossible to DASH in anywhere without getting soaked. By the time we got back to the car I was sopping down to my undies and I might as well have had flippers on. I ALWAYS pick the wrong shoes. I had on sandals...I ended up just taking them off and running. Lil Duck was pretty dry AND she picked rainboots yesterday morning.
Ms. Smarty Pants. She also walked to the car under the protection of TWO umbrellas; hers and mine.

To end my fabulous day? I hit the garage door "open" button on my visor in place of using my turn signal. Not ONCE but TWICE!

Anyone else have a MEDICATE ME PLEASE! Monday?

Monday, March 19, 2012

10 Reasons Being a Kid ROCKS - Spring Break edition


Linking up with The Good Life for today's ReCap on Spring Break: Interview with Lil Duck

1.What was your most favorite part of the whole week?
my favorite part was when we made the rainbow pictures


2.What was the best part of not going to school all week?
I get to spend all the day with you!

3.Did you do anything special?
My SURPRISE! {what was your surprise?} The carriage was my favorite part. It was Cinderella's carriage from the Fairy Godmother! And I went shopping and I had a ballet lesson from your friend. She was my own teacher!

4.What was mommy's favorite part of Spring Break?
ME!

5. Why do you like being a kid?
Cause!! I like to do that. I wanna be a kid...kids are for kids. A kid can be a kid, mom!

6. Do you think every week should be Spring Break?
Uhhuh.... I don't like going to school

7.what you would every day if you didn't go to school?
I would stay with you....we could play. We can color, then go to the park and slide and make cupcakes. We can do puzzles and play with playdoh.

8. What's something we didn't get to do this week that you wanted to do?
Feed the birds

9. Is there anything about our special week you want to tell me?
I love you

10. What are you looking most forward to during our summer break?
Weeeeeeeeee can wear our jellies!!!!!!!!!!! and GO SWIMMING!!!!!!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Shielo Antioxidant Styling Aid - review


In short, I like it! Shielo Antioxidant Leave In Protectant gets two thumbs up and I am really picky with my hair products. I followed the directions on the bottle and used it in conjunction with my regular styling products. I only use a rootbooster before drying. Once dried, my hair was shinier than it normally is without using Shielo and my blow out was visibly smoother. I have fine hair and still got great volume even with adding this protectant to my process. It is not greasy or heavy and I'm having a fantastic hair day today! It is currently on sale for $10.00 and I can totally get behind the Paraben Free component! I'm very interested in seeing how it improves my hair with continued use! Factor in the UV protection and the fact that you can apply throughout the day, I think this would be a great addition to my summer hair regiment. Lots of time outside...need to protect that color! So far, I'm a fan.

Product Description
Paraben free
UV protection with organic extracts
Styling aid
4oz 118 ml

 The company provides the following information on this product:

This antioxidant rich leave in protectant is designed to fortify every strand of hair, creating texture, as well as protect your color-treated hair from the elements. Our unique protective complex with pro-vitamins, proteins and amino acids infuse hair with vitamins while providing UV protection. For deeper natural and color-treated hair color. Excellent in eliminating frizz and protecting hair from styling tools.

Key Ingredients
• UV Protectants and natural antioxidants from White Tea enhance color protection.
• Shea Butter adds a protective moisture barrier to seal the hair shaft.
• Innovative Wheat Crosspolymer creates an invisible safety net around each hair to shield color, increase flexibility and reduce breakage.

Directions: Mist throughout clean, towel-dried hair For best color protection, comb through to ends to deeply preserve. Do not rinse. Style as usual. Can be used throughout the day.




I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I'm Sexy And I Know It

I am super stinkin thrilled to have found a new Zumba class at a time that I can attend several times a week! You have no idea just how much HAPPY this fills me with. My heart beats Zumba.

Still don't know what Zumba is? Here is a great video I found on Pinterest to show you. You may also want to
check out online physical fitness courses to find introductory Zumba classes that can teach you the steps
to four basic Zumba rhythms.Ditch the workout and JOIN THE PARTY!! (and lose weight, inches, and get healthy in the process!)





Here also are the TOP 10 WORKOUT SONGS for March from RunHundred












To find more workout songs--and hear next month's contenders—folks can check out the free database at RunHundred.com. Visitors can browse the song selections there by genre, tempo, and era—to find the music that best fits with their particular workout routine. 



Are you SEXY?
 How do you get your SEXY ON?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I Shoot Up & Get High

After 12 years and a daily battle of my own, sometimes hourly, your comments are old, played out, not flattering, and my responses are more often falling in the SNARKY zone than tolerance or brushing it off.

"Diet Coke? {snort} Why? You couldn't possibly think you  need to diet..."

I bite my tongue and give you my fake smile...

"Wow...you eat so healthy...no wonder you're soooo....look like you do." (Your attempt to mask the disdain/jealousy/irritation with me fails miserably. Your face says it all even if your tone was light).

Really...well...if I ate like you do I'd be dead...you will too if you keep it up...I will just die faster.

"Oh my God! What is that? What are you doing?"
Heroin.... want some? The toes are the best place really. But since we're in public I'm just going to use some belly fat.

It also seems to label me an outcast when you offer cookies, cake, pie, dips, snacks etc at work and I decline. I appreciate it, I do! And I am sure to express my thanks when I say "no" but I can see it in your face. You don't understand. You take it personally. Whatever.... your comment again that I must be on a diet and don't need to be or that I must be half your size because I starve myself and you aren't willing to do that is ignorant.

I don't feel like explaining that...

1. I have no idea how much sugar is in what YOU prepared in your kitchen (not to mention I've seen your daily habits and don't think I want to eat something I didn't watch you make)

2. In order to eat that...even just a few bites...I have to check my blood sugar, attempt to figure out how many carbs what I'm eating has and how that translates to my insulin to carb ratio given my current blood sugar reading, when I last ate, and when I will be eating again.

3. THEN I have to whip out my insulin vial and needles and take a shot. Just to have a quick snack I hadn't planned on, don't need, and really am not hungry for. And of course that almost always requires a whole conversation on what I'm doing, why, where, how....and by this point I don't feel like educating you. You've annoyed me.

While its not a big deal to you...it is to me.

Source: google.com via Ducky on Pinterest



I am an insulin dependent diabetic....no I don't "LOOK" diabetic...whatever that means. If it means you think I should be 400 pounds with a donut and regular coke in my hand 24/7....stop judging. Wearing your ignorance is a bad accessory, justsayin.






Participating in Shell's POUR YOUR HEART OUT...celebrating two years running. Congrats Shell!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

1 In 4 Will Experience It

...Swaggering across the parking lot, head held high, shoulders back, working those humpmepumps like you own the air you breathe. The heel catches in a tiny fissure in the concrete on the"wag", the ankle twists, time slows down as the knee buckles and your palms instinctively shoot out in a desperate attempt to defy gravity, yet the "ger" carries your momentum forward and you full frontal kiss the pavement.

No?

Just me? Meh...I made the statistic up anyway...Lucky you.



The post in which I share Life Lessons: I wear the helmet so you don't have to (the cape just add flare).

Life Lesson #2,845: always store a spare roll of toilet paper in a place your 3yr old can easily access. Especially when the only other body in the house besides the dog is the 3yr old.

Life Lesson #291: no matter how well you wash your hands NEVER apply IcyHot to your person and THEN remove your contacts. EVER

Life Lesson #3,012: The hardness of wooden library chairs increases with direct proportion to your age. Ergo the older you become the more your ass aches and the faster the onset of said aching occurs.

Life Lesson #563: No matter how hard or frequently you smash down the UNLOCK button on your car keyfob while standing in front of your office door, it will not unlock said door. It will however adequately indicate the type of day you are about to embark upon.

Life Lesson #144: Dumping an entire 44oz Diet Coke down the front of you, while a significant amount of caffeine, will not return your boobs to "Perky".

Monday, March 12, 2012

I AM WOMAN

...as if the boobs and shoes didn't give it away. Although...I  CAN see the argument in that there are a plethora of moobs out there. {shudder}

Moving on...today is Monday <---obviously and a good way to start the week is with a list, right?! However since I am on Spring Break this week (PRAISEGOD HAPPYCLAPSTHE LORDISGOODALL ISFINALLYRIGHTWITHTHEWORLDLETSHEARITFORLOTSOFNOOKIE) instead of a TO DO list I'm linking up with The Good Life and hitting on this fabulous topic of 10 Things Woman! It is after all National Women's History Month. I actually wrote a list up to 6 things that in general make being a woman awesome.Then I deleted it. I decided that while celebrating women in general IS awesome and I could easily come up with 10 things...it was much more of a challenge to list 10 things to celebrate about ME as a woman. As I visited the other links for today's topic, I found that some weren't even excited about being a woman and no one (and I haven't visited them all yet) has talked about what makes HER awesome.


10 Things I Love About ME

1. That I carry the title of MOM

2. The ability to have multiple orgasms

3. I love sunshine...it makes me happy regardless of the temperature. I can curl up in a beam inside or outside and it immediately improves my mood.

4. My heart runs on hugs. They calm me, center me and give me strength.

5. I love to laugh and smile and cause that reaction in others.

6. The small moments are the big things in life for me...family time, blooming flowers, snuggling, hand holding, laughter, quiet surprises, shared coffee and sun rises.

7. The ability to be empathetic and sympathetic

8. I have standards, maintain them and am strong enough to fight for what I deserve.

9. That I know the difference between being the bigger person/taking the high road and "winning" and which is going to allow me the most peace.

10. I love that I can be silly, crude, soft, tough, juvenile, classy and sophisticated when the situation calls for it.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Open Foot Insert Mouth

**TMI post. Should you not wanna read about whoopie click HERE (mom that means you)**

We often take turns gnawing our feet to stumps, its part of our charm...you know...as a couple. One of those traits we thank GOD share and isn't heavily weighted in one or the other's favor. We live in good humor and have grown accustom to the taste of our feet. All together now....awwwww isn't that sweet?!

However, every now and again there happens that moment when the brain-to-mouth filter fails at historic levels to engage.

WHOOPS

This time it was me which is rare.

Its ALWAYS incredible. Always. I'm lucky like that. Some times are exceptionally mind bending. "IT"  (just so we're clear...horizontal tango, the deed, whoopie, is the "IT" I'm referring to) was so perfect it hasn't ever and may not ever be THAT perfect again. Time stood still...the earth stopped spinning, the wind stopped breathing, Snooki stopped drinking and her tanning lotion dried instantly.

Yeah...it was like that.

There we lay, post coitus, just listening to the fan whir and Irishman says on a sigh, "oh God...that orgasm is still just....whooshing over me...."

Me: "...You're still whooshing out of me!"

AAAAaaaaaaaand...... I effectively killed the moment.

WHOOPS

Thankfully he still thinks I'm awesome. *whew* It may or may not be because of my butt.

1.) Whoops...write about a time you put your foot in your mouth
**Writing prompt from Mama Kat's writer's workshop,