Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I give you my pasties! Er...uh...my stickies!
Monday, January 30, 2012
My heart beats Zumba so I had to throw some of that in the mix. It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that Jillian is a little bit sorta kinda scary. Does she scare you? Its okay if she does a little. Do you hear her in your dreams sometimes? Its okay if you do. I will share some of my tips for battling those fears because I'm super awesome sauce like that.
|this is the 3rd time I've posted this pic. |
Has ANYONE noticed its MY face? Anyone?
1. Sometimes I hit the pause button while she is talking so it makes her face freeze in an ugly way. I yell TAKE THAT ASSNUGGET! Makes me giggle.
2. Instead of listening to her count out reps and move me through the workout, I loaded my iPod with Yo Momma jokes...I repeat them in her face. She takes it because she has to! I mean, she NEVER has a comeback. WELCOME TO MY LIVING ROOM BEEOTCH!
3. Sometimes I fart during the ungodly amount of jumping jacks..smell it, I tell her. S M E L L IT!!
4. I wear my cape to workout. Everyone knows a cape makes you super HAWT and trumps any stinky sweaty sports bra and tight mid-drift bearing low slung pants Jillian wears.... okay... so maybe I don't really wear the cape, but I SO would if I had one.
Are you surviving? Are you doing it? Are your muscles bigger than mine? They say the camera adds 10 pounds...I'm sorta freaking out about that. I don't have too much longer before I'm in front of it again and I really don't wanna have that extra camerafatface bulge. Trust me...television cameras are way different than photography cameras. Jillian...my lovah...my friend...hurt me so good....
Sunday, January 29, 2012
From the time tested, reputation respected K-Y Brand Products comes a super special gift pack just in time for Valentine's Day! Enter the new K-Y Brand Date Night pack where K-Y has teamed up with Moviefone to offer a great limited time combo!
I was looking forward to the opportunity to review this product having never tried either of these before. The K-Y TOUCH works brilliantly and exactly as it claims...with the first touch. Perfect for a massage, ahem, anywhere you'd like...leaving you warm and tingly and not at all sticky or icky like some lubricants can.
Now the K-Y Yours+Mine has some instructions so be sure you understand which goes on you and which to use on him BEFORE you get started. Really kinda kills the rhythm to have to grab your glasses and try to read the box by flickering candle light to see just how the stuff works. I mean...I can imagine it would and all. OR I can save you the trouble...a little of the blue goes on him...a little of the purple on you. Then...badabing badaboom a whole new level of magic in the bedroom!
So whether you're looking for a reputable personal lubricant or like us and just a fun new way to enhance intimacy in the bedroom, K-Y has something for everyone.
YOU CAN WIN YOUR VERY OWN DATE NIGHT PACK!
Friday, January 27, 2012
1. what is something mommy always says to you?
2. what makes mommy happy?
3. what makes mommy sad?
4. how does mommy make you laugh?
5. what was mommy like when i was a little girl?
6. how old is mommy?
7. how tall is mommy?
8. what is mommy's favorite thing to do?
9. what does mommy do when you're not here?
10: if mommy was to be famous, what would it be for?
11. what's mommy really good at doing?
12. what's mommy not very good at doing?
13. what does mommy do for a job?
14. what is mommy's favorite thing to eat?
15. what makes you really proud of mommy?
16. what is mommy's favorite tv show?
17. what do you and mommy do together?
18. how are you and mommy the same?
19. when we leave the house, what is mommy's favorite thing to do?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
1. Mind Blowing Orgasms: this
3. You Are My Anchor necklace: ladies, gift it to your BFF...or guys, don't just tell her - show her how instrumental she is to your life! Hang the reminder around her heck.
4. 2 Carat Cup - all the charm and fun...NONE of the commitment. She's sure to love this one if she is a java junkie
5.Vibrating Panties w/Remote- I can guarantee this will be a winner (I know, I have a pair)! If you're lucky enough she will give YOU the remote... GAME ON!
6. Jareds - HELLO! HE WENT TO JAREDS...enough said.
7. Chocolate of the Month Club - 2 to 12 months fixed term or open-ended pay as you go...enormous range of tastes created by international chocolateiers...guaranteed to make a mouth happy! This goes WAY beyond that stupid heart box of chocolates.
8.Cock Blocker Bottle Stopper -This little red rooster is one cock blocker you’ll be happy to have as a wing man. This 3” funny bottle stopper will perch on top your bottle to keep the air away from your wine, liquor or any non fizzy beverage; to ensure you don’t end up comatose on the bathroom floor. Allowing you instead the ability to charm and woo that one you’ve got your eye on with no interruptions; well within reason of course. We can’t promise anything when it comes to your friends setting you up, but if all else fails the Cock Blocker Bottle Stopper does provide a good talking point and can help break the ice if things get awkward. Made of acrylic and is dishwasher safe now that's something to crow about.
9. Personalized Wine Labels - romance her with your creativity and sentimental side by creating a custom wine label for her favorite bottle of indulgence. Add a photo of the two of you together, a favorite quote or use it ask her to marry you (What???!! I'm a hopeless romantic!)
10. Vodoo Dolls (hand made in New Orleans) - I can promise you this will go over VERY well! A basic guide line to remember: Red = passion or love, White = peace purity and protection, Green = Money (HOLLA!), Blue = love or commanding, Yellow = luck and power, Purple = spirituality and power,
Orange = power, Black = hexing, cursing and getting rid of bad habits (#winning)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Just push her out. Smooth, quick....relief! No one would blame you. She has a scary ugly angry face.
She With Great Advice
Probably a tad bit bordering on lunacy driving down the street, alone, belching and giggling. Although the first one was at least a 9....trying to match or beat that was hysterical. ::knuckles::
I unplugged the phone. Call all you like. Your every 2 hours does nothing other than fill up a caller ID screen. I will pay you when I can pay you. Its not a lump sum the way you want but at least you're getting money.
**all images from google images
Monday, January 23, 2012
Some days I don't deftly escape faceplanting in stupid. Thankfully it tends to just permeate my Mondays. I can't imagine how greater the occurance of disaster would've been had I been required to work last Monday. No doubt it would've been a Monday where I caffeinated my vag again!
As it was, I dumped an entire load of clean clothes into the washer realizing only with the final garment that it had already been laundered. That was just the beginning.... In returning home from lunch I hit my mailbox. MY OWN MAILBOX! Its only been in the same damn place for 10 YEARS! I wish I could say that was the extent of my follies.
A bit later when hanging some vinyl wall art on the bedroom wall above my bed, I stepped back to admire the work. Forgot about the ceiling fan being there....AND running....until the fast spinning blades rhythmically thwacked the side of my head until I had enough sense to move! The fan has only been there for 10 YEARS!
The remainder of my day included falling UP stairs, putting my pants on backwards, popping the wrapper in my mouth and the gum in the trash (it was the last piece!) and holding my breath when given the task of carrying the hammer and power drill UP the stairs. That was a death defying task! (and we won't even talk about the little incident where I damn near rear ended Irishman and Black Betty <--his F150. It surely would've totally rearranged Harriet's face <--my Honda. Not to mention I would NEVER live that one down! E V E R).
Thursday, January 19, 2012
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Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A little cornstarch in the bottom of the pan…..low heat….it removes the moisture in the starch. I expertly wiggled the pan now and again to prevent burning. That would come later; the burning.
Sufficient time for the moisture to cook away and then I moved to stage two. At the island was three lovely pieces of construction paper laid out awaiting their line. With the deft skill of a
Step three required a lighter and some blowing power. Step 3 on the worksheet says to be sure that nothing flammable is in your work area and to be sure there is adult supervision. WHATEVER.
So I am standing where the X is (see picture below). I pick up my first rolled tube of moisture free corn starch and instead of blowing I end up sucking. It could happen to anyone so shutyerpiehole. After chugging some Gatorade (the old school kind…you know, the orange powder mix) I pick up my awesome tubular mega straw number 2.
Flame roaring at the end of my fully extended right arm, I take a deep breath before putting my lips to the tube and blow…
Shooting flames come roaring out as the cornstarch meets flame and it is the COOLEST FREAKIN’ THING I’VE EVER SEEN JUST LIKE SPECIAL EFFECT EXPLOSIONS IN THE MOVIES! I’m screaming out of excitement and the smoke alarm is screaming out of fear. My mother rushes in to find her refrigerator torched black.
Remember that little diagram above?
I was standing opposite of the fridge.
It was white.
Now its black.
Mother sorta freaked out - the wuss. Once all the screeching stopped (including the fire alarm and my sisters) I realized there was still one tube left.
My mother realized she should’ve looked at the experiment paper first.
I totally snuck outside to torch something else while she fretted over how to clean the fridge (turns out it was just soot....no damage done).
Monday, January 16, 2012
I'm lacking a cape. Surely there is SOMEONE out there who can help me with the cape??? Most days I can tackle without the cape but there are some days... you know... THOSE days that just need a little extra oopmh. I've no doubt the cape would make all the difference.
For instance, take the day I walked out of Target and tried to get into the wrong Honda. I'm pretty sure had I the CAPE I would've been able to locate the correct Honda and avoid total public embarrassment *snort*. Or when I attempted to tackle taking down the Christmas decorations. It would've been TONS more fun riding the Christmas tree box down the stairs if I was wearing the CAPE. Right?!
Pretty sure the CAPE would've given me what I needed to figure out how to open the cool new travel coffee mug I got for Christmas. Instead of taking me 15 minutes to figure out the lid screwed on, it probably would've only taken...eh...11.5 minutes.
Or when I was piggybacking every kid and their cousin over the steep climbing wall at the Bouncy House so we could all scream down the wicked slide on the other side. The CAPE would TOTALLY have made that scene and maybe I wouldn't have jacked my foot up. Wonder Woman doesn't injure. Period.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Walgreens. All opinions are 100% mine.
Having options, shopping around for the best price and convenience all factors into my choice of pharmacies. As an insulin dependent diabetic, a large portion of my budget and time goes to pharmacies. Express Scripts is a middle man in the health care system. It recently pulled out of its contract with Walgreens forcing customers to find new pharmacies. Of course its all about money and controll; Express Scripts wants more while Walgreens is reportedly trying to maintain the balance between paying its employees and extending the benefits of the program to customers reducing the bottom dollar we have to pay to maintain our health.
You can read the press release on it here .Walgreens and Express Scripts
Are you a user of the Walgreens Pharmacy and now to maintain "in network" requirements for your insurance, you have to go elsewhere? You can show your support of Walgreens by liking them on Facebook Walgreens on Facebook and following them on Twitter Walgreens on Twitter. Let your voice be heard!
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Be informed, let your opinion be heard and get involved with all aspects of YOUR health care!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Jillian Michaels shredded me and bitch-slapped be into reality on Day 1/Level 1. I took a short break from Zumba during hunting season so I could help out Irishman with Thing 1 and Thing 2 and provide a hot meal when he came down out of his tree. (*grin* ...just had visions of Tarzan...)
After finishing Day 1 of The Shred, I spent day 2 trying to figure out how to walk. That night we went to a Bouncy House Fundraiser for Lil Duck's pre-school.
Its one of those places that magically transforms you to 12 again (or maybe that's just me); one of the few places the adults can play too. I played tag in the monster bouncy and willingly became a human crane piggybacking one by one Lil Duck's classmates up and over the steep wall (think Rock Climbing meets bouncy inflatables) so
I am NOT 12. I totally jacked my foot while playing tag and jumping off things I had no business jumping off, simply because it was fun. Aaand I liked listening to the little kids scream as they ran from me.
|Lil Duck and her best friend|
TGIF Quackers! Happy Shredding!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I ran across Just Jennifer and her desire to picture people
I'm a "fit it in when you can" kind of blogger which goes a long to way to explaining why sometimes you get a response from me and sometimes you get ::crickets:: I'm not ignoring you, I promise! As a result of being a single mom, working full time, playing full time with Irishman and Thing 1 and Thing 2 in addition to working out and dance class and school fundraisers for Lil Duck... I have MANY blogging stations.
I work from the kitchen table....
I work from Irishman's bed with my own personal purring
And I sneak it in on my lunch break at work (IF I get a lunch break). I always pick the seat by the window, in the sunshine and in the furthest corner of the library.
Due to my random moments of blogging I'm a scheduler. I type out as much as I can when I have the time. In the moments in between THIS
...goes everywhere with me. I take notes, write posts, barf thoughts, draw pictures and do simple math in it. I have a whole lovely little stack of notebooks filled with blogging stuffs. I'm old school. I still like to write with pen and paper (even though I also use my iPhone to take notes) and journal. Pretty paper and kick ass notebooks make me happy.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I'm already working on Irishman's Valentine's gift. In my endeavor to maintain my
I give you...The List...
Hands free beer...NO BRAINER! Lob him a can naked? Exponentially increase your shoe collection! #WINNING
2. Yodeling Pickle - How many of his friends are going to have this? Yeah...that's what I thought. Total Bragging rights.
3. Star Wars Stamps - Appeal to his inner (or outer) geek. Even though you roll your eyes at his Yoda impressions and the fact that he uses your vibrator collection for a light saber war, it probably still means you'll win big
4. Bear Grylls Ultimate Survival Kit - as much as you might want your man to be...there is but ONE Bear Grylls. So give your man this ultimate survival kit. It may not scream ROMANCE to you, but he will appreciate knowing you trust him to take care of things should you parachute by accident into a Brazillian rain forest with nothing more than a bra and shoelace.
5. Beer Ammo Bandolier - This beer ammo bandolier is the perfect way to carry a 12 pack of beer when tailgating or at parties. If G.I. Joe were an alcoholic, he'd use this beer ammo bandolier. This also makes a great party gift!
6. Amanda Wig- Go blonde. A little role play never hurt anyone