Tuesday, December 11, 2012

How To Shower: Men Vs Women


It hasn't been much of a secret because I've been complaining loudly that there are some fusion hicuups with my recent move into the Irishman household. (if you missed it, we is goin to tha chapel!). Living with boys isn't something I've ever had to do. I had sisters and I have a little girl.

Right? I'll let you know where to send condolence cards.

Actually without being able to laugh at ourselves mostly me laughing at me there surely would be some serious crimes committed. I'm sure it levels the playing field that I'm organizing everything down to the proper pooping bathroom and enacting laundry rules. I know...I know...I've been polishing my broom lately.

When Irishman posted the following about the showering habits of men vs women on Facebook, I couldn't resist commenting with: Sounds about right except that I don't have a long robe and usually shave before the final rinse of my hair. Still pretty damn accurate

And now for your reading pleasure...feel free to draw comparisons of your own! Really... PLEASE do...


**HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get ...in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone...

...
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.





**I have no idea who wrote the showering descriptions, but it was not I. Certainly I would like to have thought of it myself but I did not, just to be clear. It does not belong to me and credit goes to whomever thunked it up**

13 comments:

Beth W said...

Ha! Most of that doesn't apply to me (hrmm...doing it wrong?), but best of luck co-habitating with menfolk. They definitely do things differently.

angel shrout said...

OH see I have had my whole life filled with menfolk, so now I act like the natives,, including the woo woo noises lol

Danielle said...

Soo funny! I grew up with my mom and sister, so when I stay over with J it's ... different.

Jen Forbes said...

ha ha ha! Do you have a camera in my bathroom/bedroom?

Sandy said...

Pretty darn accurate as I see it!

Anonymous said...

The Woohoo sound is a technical term.

Erin Bowen said...

LOL! I grew up with a half sister and all of our cousins were girls. I now have 3 boys, well 4 including my husband. Every time I say "go take showers and get to bed" I can expect the same nightly scenerio. The boys get out of the shower (after they've used up all the hot water from playing around instead of washing), run down the hall (dripping wet because it obviously takes to much time to properly dry off) and they're "woo wooing" the whole way. I just shake head at hubby and say "why?" LOL

Just A Normal Mom said...

Exactly.

BNM said...

I am outnumbered 3 to 1 at my house and I would say that is pretty accurate but please dont forget shave man beard over the sink leave little hairs in the crevices of the faucet and everywhere else and pee all over the toilet.. why can they not ring that GIANT toilet bowl???

Angie said...

I have had such a hard day. This absolutely cracked me up. Thanks for the giggle!!!

Babes Mami said...

bwhahaha! With one bathroom, a boy who is still working on some stuff with the potty and a pregnant lady...there is a lot of weiner shaking in my general direction lol

becca said...

LOL...well for the most part that is all technically right other then a few minor changes base on your man folk

Valerie said...

Can't help you on the bathroom situation. My husband is outnumbered in our house. Even the dog is female.