Monday, December 31, 2012

A Peek At The Duck Twat

So it's Monday...and a holiday Monday at that. Are you working? I'm not. Don't hate. My kid got me up at 5am. She went back to sleep but I didn't. So yeah...that makes us even.

In true Monday Listicle style Stasha and her hoards of followers have come up with a couple of topics for this week. Evidently its a multiple choice day and frankly those give me the sweats. I always get confused and second, third and c guess myself. So I just closed my eyes and pointed.


Meh...it got me through high school well enough.

The topic simply said 10 Tweets. Not sure if that's 10 tweets I like, top 10 Tweets of the year or 10 of my own tweets. See!!!! Even with making a choice there are still multiple choices.

Oh the pressure!

So I added some Baileys and vodka to my coffee and just picked out a few. If you aren't following my unmatched superior twat on the Twitter you need to be. Not only am I chortle-snort funny, more insightful than the Dali Llama but I occasionally give away some really cool free swag. Not to mention my avatar is a Cover Girl worthy photo. How could you NOT be following me?

10 Duck Twats


c
3am and I found a Laverne & Shirley episode Take that infomercials 

 
Chasing Thing1 through the house to give him a purple nerple and wedgie dramatically improved my mood. 


 
Thought I saw a big black cat. Turned out it was just a uniquely shaped colossal pile of horse poo 

 
I need pooping tips! HELP!
 
My belly button has been sweating all morning. Weird, right?!

 

 
Moving is like slowly dying. Anyone have a match? I'm thinking a warm fire would be nice 

 
Kinda excited about jaywalking. I've been practicing some extra snazzy jazz hands. Last time it was ninja moves. Taking suggestions! 

and I are soul mates. Probably pickles too. Dill pickles. Don't ask me to share 

 
Me: Lil Duck, it's time to head out Her: do I have to put my pants on? Me: yes Her: I don't wanna go Absolutely 100% my kid!


 

20 comments:

Terri Sonoda said...

" Thought I saw a big black cat. Turned out it was just a uniquely shaped colossal pile of horse poo"
AND "My belly button has been sweating all morning. Weird, right?! #musthavetheplague" <----this stuff is why I follow you. YOU are coffee spewing funny. LOVE you!

Bee said...

These are hilarious! And I may have experienced the belly button sweat, too, but I'm still alive, so I'm sure it's nothing. Or just don't think about it. lol

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Jennifer Hall said...

Great tweets! I'm especially surprised to find the word "nerple" used since my son has started say it and I had never heard it. I always thought it was a titty twister. But I suppose nerple is more kid-friendly. :-)

Alexis AKA MOM said...

I don't even want to tell you what I thought when I read Duck Twat ... oh lord!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Totally with you & Lil Duck. If it requires pants, it probably ain't happening.

Stacey said...

Pants are totally overrated. And I get the Doritos, but not the pickles.

Clarinda @ Enjoying the Course said...

Ok. I'm totally following you on Twitter now.

If you ever visit Vegas, be careful jaywalking. They are crazy strict about it here.

Azara said...

I'm relieved "A Peek at the Duck Twat" was much less risque than it sounded.

Bridget said...

Duck twat. That's some funny stuff right there. Seriously.

Kerstin @ Auer Life said...

Alright "Duck Twat" - I will try and find ways to incorporate that into my daily conversations - I love it!
Also: of course I have to follow you on Twitter!
Happy New Year!

Just A Normal Mom said...

I clearly need to spend more time on twitter...

Kate Hall said...

Woman, you are hilarious! Love your tweets and that's why I follow you. Now, I have to go and check out the links in your tweets...or twats.

carissajade said...

I definitely haven't been on twitter enough! But um... I don't know if my belly button sweats, but it definitely stinks sometimes. I mean..

Babes Mami said...

You are ridiculous but I love it!

AudreyN said...

Hilarious!!! You guys are seriously making me want to join twitter

Cocalores said...

Hilarioud! And I am feeling you about that choice thing! I hate multiple topics ... and making decisions of any sort ;-)

Stephanie Sprenger said...

Hee hee...so glad I am following you now so I don't miss out on any awesomeness. The pants and pickles were my favorites!

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

The hilarity started with the title: "Duck Twats." Bwahahaha! I feel like a bad girl just typing it. Ellen

Stasha said...

So awesome!! Like mother like daughter, my favorite is 10 :)