Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Learning To Poop Again

If there are any reservations about combining households with Irishman, its that I need a new poop schedule...a new system. I am going to have to revamp what previously worked for me to accommodate there being more people in the house. True there is one more bathroom than where Lil Duck and I lived before but the ratio to people and bathrooms has dramatically changed. I'm pretty sure my colon is in a panic over this.

What if someone is right outside the door? And I actually have to share a bathroom with....a boy! I have never shared a bathroom with a boy. Terrifying I tell you! Is there therapy for this? A transition book? Oh God! Why didn't my mother prepare me for this?

Do you suppose its possible to require everything with a penis to use an outhouse? I wonder if I can build an outhouse. I would pony up the moolah to heat it and provide AC in the summer. That's reasonable, yes?

Sure I have used boy bathrooms but I've always had the safety and relaxation of coming home to MINE.  I never have to wonder why the floor is sticky *ick*. There's always toilet paper, it doesn't stink, there's no surprise failure to flush by previous occupants...speaking of occupants WHY do boys spend an hour taking one poop?! Seriously? Don't they make special toilets for that? Like the ones at truck stops?

Since the renters of my old house are moving in this week there is no turning back. At least not for 12 months. I figure by then I will have a new system...or a maid....or a maid AND a new system. Suppose it would cause problems to designate one of the bathrooms for use by those who exclusively sit to pee?

Yeah... that's kind of what I thought to. So ladies, what are your survival tips! HELP!

20 comments:

Marvi Marti said...

OMG I'm dying laughing here. I have no advice, as I now live in a household of all females again, I've lost any recollection of male poopers. Though we do have a phantom pooper in our house that fails to flush but won't own up to it.

angel shrout said...

Training, training and more training. As a woman in a house full of men I can tell you that they have no modesty or understanding that as a rule a closed door means don't come in. Time to teach them lol.. family discussions start now hun.

Coffeypot said...

Choose a bathroom and put a combination lock on the door. Or an electronic lock with you hold the fob. tweet tweet

Judy Susan said...

True story here, never before told.. big dirty secret I've carried.. I'm going to unburden my heart..

Flash back 24 years. Ron and I were first dating.

We go out, I spend the night, we get food poisoning (from a bottle I'm sure)

I get the runs.

What will I do if Ron ever finds out I poop.. and god forbid,, get the runs..

Farmer's DAughter mode kicks in. I grab a roll of T paper and head for the woods...

Yeppers,, 20 years later he still did not know I poop.. let alone get the runs..

Just A Normal Mom said...

I was going to say what Angel said - training. But with three of them, you have a serious amount of work on your hands. Until then, stock up on disinfectant wipes and air freshener. And find a way to store extra toilet paper within reach of the toilet.

Heather! said...

http://getrejuvenescence.com/rejuvenescence-wild-orchid.html

You're welcome. :)

Carries Rambles said...

Sorry sister, I got nothing. At home I make hubs shower in the basement. I can always tell when he drops a load in my bathroom because the TP is empty. Bastard.

Plus being the ONLY damn female at work....I am fighting a losing battle

I say build the outhouse

Your Doctor's Wife said...

I am okay with poop. Shit happens to all of us. If we can't shit, we're in the hospital probably dying of a blown colon or something.
Oddly enough, Doc H is not. He can fix a perforated colon (which I'd imagine smells shitty), but he can't handle a waft of it coming from a bathroom, diaper, etc. Nor does he like anyone to know he shits.
His handle on it? Run the bathroom faucet. Light matches, uses deodorizing sprays.
But, lately he's taken to a whole new annoying level. After YEARS of me hearing all this, he know asks me for "PRIVACY". If I am in the bedroom I am asked to vacate. VACATE!!
If he asks me to vacate in the middle of the night, we have some serious problems! LOL!

Dina Marie ~ A Plucky Procrastinator said...

You know what? Boys outhouses sounds like the PERFECT IDEA!! All boys like to do their business outside anyway ... when my son was a toddler and we lived in the sticks, he would just open the front door and pee on the porch!

GunDiva said...

I got nuttin'.

Except maybe a contest to see who can out-stink each other? BTW, the men ALWAYS win that one.

How about designating a "poop-only" bathroom? That way, if anyone heads to that one, the rest of the fam knows to clear out.

Aw, hell, I don't know, but I feel your pain.

RoryBore said...

Ohmy, I couldn't get here quick enough when I saw that title....

What can I say? 2 bathrooms - one pink, one half library: it's the only way to go. My son is only 8 years old, and he already takes about 30 minutes in there. Genetics are strong in that one.

And scented candles. lots of em.

Barfly said...

We would co-habitate just fine Ducky. I love to exercise my God given talent of peeing outside. Even when I don't have too.

Know why? Cause I can.

Kerstin @ Auer Life said...

I don't really have advice...
I was going to say poop at work, but that seems even worse. I try to avoid that at any cost ;)

Making everyone sitting down to pee is a good start - my husband and son do it!
Also - start by making one bathroom only for the girls and then introduce the boy back into it after you've settled in.

Dazee Dreamer said...

Poo Poouri. Love the stuff. Smells like lemon. Then you make one bathroom yours, and the other for the boys. You're welcome

HeY J said...

SWEAR lighting a match DOERS work with the smell and maybe those portable radio for the grunts of men :]

Winopants said...

Erf, the boundaries on this subject went down a long time ago in our household. My boyfriend's sense of poo humor is as disgusting as mine. We have no shame :)

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Girl if I could figure out the boys in the bathroom I would be a millionaire! I say hide a stash of wipes that can wipe the toilet down at all times. Now for pooping I find early am I can sneak out and not have to have anyone who thinks they need to talk to me while doing my business.

Shell said...

I do not understand why it takes boys so long to poop. It drives me insane. I'm still trying to figure out a way to get a bathroom just for me.

My Half Assed Life said...

When sharing a bathroom with boys there is only one thing you really need to know.

Look before you sit.

Kelley said...

Ha! You are so right!! I live in a house with three boys. I can so relate. They pee all over the toilet seat, don't flush, get it on the floor and take forever to poop. I'm liking your idea about the outhouse. :)

(Thanks for linking up with us over at "Finding the Funny"! Hope to see you the first Wednesday of February, too!)