First time participating in Shells PYHO...figured this was as good a time as any and really, its more for me than anything. If you can't say anything nice, be a gem and don't say anything all for it surely would make me feel tons better to hunt you down. *big smile teeth and all*
Easier:
1 year, 9 months and 1 day
Does dealing with death ever get easier? Will I ever not experience breath stealing, heart crushing, tunnel vision suffocation when I hear of someones passing? It doesn't even have to be someone I know personally. My thoughts immediately fly to "where am I? Who am I with? Who am I NOT with?" and panic sets in. Tears well, whatever space was left in my chest seals shut, and its an ALL OUT struggle to just hold it together.
Lil Duck will tell me she is going to Heaven to see her Aunt and my world tilts, vision swims and I fight the breakdown "dear GOD! NOT before me....PLEASE!"; my heart cries. Its a sweet gesture, her heart pure as any 3 year old and somehow I make it through as we talk with smiles about God and why Aunt Wendy lives there now and we can't visit.
Does it ever get easier?
1 year, 9 months and 1 day.
We pass the flowers that mark the spot of the earthly reminder of her presence as its just a few blocks from Lil Duck's school and a rapid succession of thoughts fire. She gave me so many precious gifts, unknowingly, in her sudden untimely passing yet even so, some days are suffocating with the desire to just call her.
In her death there was life to be found, deep love discovered and an abundance of family time renewed. In those moments where I fall through the gaping hole created by her absence I find regret for all the times missed with "I'm going to's" and all the "soon I will's" or the "just won't work this week".
Does it ever get easier?
1 year, 9 months, 1 day
Lil Duck: "Mom...was this Aunt Wendy's Princess picture? Is this when she got to be a Princess?"
Me: "Yes, sweetie...it was very much her Princess Day."
Lil Duck: " She looks just like Cinderella."
June 1974 - May 21, 2010
20 comments:
Oh honey. Thank you for sharing this. You very poignantly captured the sentiments of so many who have lost loved ones. Thanks again for sharing.
It does get better, but it takes a long time. I'm coming up on 12 years without my brother so I do understand.
B
I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieve takes time and there's no definite timeline but it does getting better.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Lil Duck is right- she looked just like Cinderella. xo
Hugs, Ducky. Big hugs.
dagnabbit now I am a weepy mess again. It hasn't been that long for me but I totally get it. Sending you love and hugs
Sending you a hug my friend. My daughter ounce told me when I was upset about someone that I loved had passed away. She said "We will always have them Mommy, they live in our heart". I know you miss your sister like crazy Daffy, but she lives in your heart.
I should not have read this at work, you have me bawling.
*Tears* I find it amazing how quickly the hurt can grab my heart out of the blue and paralyze me sometimes. We each have different losses, but the grief is something we all share, even as it presents differently. I remember tears running down my cheeks while reading your posts about your sweet sister. Hugs to you.
1 year, 8 months, 7 days. And every single day of that I think about my dad. And miss him.
No, I don't think it gets easier.
But I do know that we learn to accept that they aren't here physically, but in spirit. Watching over us. And being the good Angels that God needed them to be. And that helps the pain ease.
HUGS.
Oh sweetie, I am still stunned into quiet silence when I reminded of your beautiful sister and your immeasurable loss.
she was so beautiful, her "princess day" indeed and you there to share it.
I know that with the amount of loss I've hadin my life that I too plead, "Please no more surprises", "please don't take them from me. I know those emotions.
Getting easier is not the same as never ever forgetting. My heart is with yours today my friend..as it is every day.
I'm so sorry for your loss. She is beautiful, just like a princess. *hugs*
Yes! But the length of time depends on the person. You will always miss her, but the pain will lessen in time.
what a beautiful post & tribute to your sister...
hugs sweetie thank you for sharing
Oh sweetie, my eyes are welling for you. Much love,
xoRobyn
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sisters are special. I'm sorry you had to say good bye. She does look like a princess. {{{HUGS}}}
You are raising a special little girl ma'am.
Every single time you write about this or I think about it I get my own tears. I have no idea why Wendy does that to me.
When I see these posts I just wish I could get to you to hug you and hold your hand and just sit with you while you are sad.
It's going to get easier but it's never going to go away. At least that is my experience with the death of a loved one. A smell, sight or memory can bring you to your knees. I always try to remember the good happy memories in those times.
Lurve you.
she was very beautiful...
we had a few deaths this last year in our family, and the kids ask me about them when I'm least expecting it, questions about Heaven...
oh, it's hard...
Now she is a princess with wings looking down and smiling and so proud of all the changes and amazing things that have happen.
My prayers and love go out to you all. You my dear are my rock and I think you're one amazing woman.
Beautiful post and tribute!
XOXO
Post a Comment