Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I Tried To Eat A Tampon

It started off like a typical Monday. Half way into my commute to the inner city my whooha chugged my coffee. Yes… doesn’t everyone want a perky vagina to start their Monday? No? Yeah….me neither to be honest. Evidently that particular travel mug isn’t suppose to go in the dishwasher and the ever lazy person I am always one to follow directions, I have routinely shoved it in the dishwasher. < Insert Travel Mug Fail Here>. The bottom started leaking and I had no idea until the burning sensation reach my crochital region <--yes, I know that isn’t a word. Work with me here.

When the nether regions start burning in what seems to be an arbitrary moment most people freak out (or I assume. I really don’t know for sure), and I did. However we aren’t talking STD’s and GNYO visits here. We are talking HOT COFFEE; Peppermint Mocha from Dunkin Donuts to be exact. *le sob* This should have been my early indication as to how the rest of my Monday was to play out.  Mmmm nope. I must have eaten an extra serving of stoopid for breakfast.

Fast forward to work and a couple hours later, my blood sugar (yes, I’m a diabetic) is dropping the world is spinning and I’m blindly groping inside my monster work bag. My fingertips grasp the edge of some wrinkling foil sounding paper and my brain registers “Candy Bar ala Sugar”. I yank it, unwrap the end and go to snarf it in one bite take a bite.

SNACK FAIL

While someone somewhere may enjoy eating cotton, I do not. I hadn’t grabbed a sugar source at all but instead pulled the tampon out of the bottom of the bag. Welcome to my life. *sigh* Just par for the Monday course I suppose. The rest of the day fell along those same lines…one lovely folly after another. Yeah Me!

To add insult to injury, I stopped for a quick run in to a major retailer later in the evening. Ended up with a cart full of items including some Christmas gifts I hadn’t planned on buying yet but couldn’t pass up the prices. Headed to the check out line I reach into my pocket for my little coin purse and came out with a handful of pure fullblown P A N I C! It was gone. Dear Lord In Heaven. WHY?!

I stashed my cart in customer service and I’m sure they were really buying my “I left my purse in the car” story as I quite possibly looked full on PSYCHOTIC at that point. I stalked the parking lot, ripped apart my car, checked all my pockets ten thousand times over as if maybe it would magically appear if I patted myself down enough and I'm pretty sure I even looked skyward and screamed mouthed WHY?!. Nothing….nada…empty.

All I can say today is THANK GOD IT IS NOT MONDAY!
credits

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Tis The Season...

Things that make me smile.... CHRISTMAS! And its beginning to look a lot like it... my favorite time of year where each moment is a memory in the making and my heart smiles bigger than I thought possible....
Lil Duck finally named our Elf On A Shelf and
 is completely entrenched in the magic of it!

 My little Christmas fairy decorating the tree with her own ornaments, 
carrying on the tradition my parents started with me.

 Setting out the carolers and lamppost hand made 
by my grandmother and passed down

Setting up our village this year and creating stories with Lil Duck 
about who lives in each house and what is on their list from Santa.


 I love sitting back while the house is asleep with a big mug
 of hot chocolate and looking at the lights twinkle
 in my own Christmas wonderland.

For more photographic moments of Happiness, check out the 
52 Weeks of Happiness Project

Monday, November 28, 2011

Fact or Fiction - It May Be Genetic

"We got rid of Molly," her little voice rambled on from the back seat as we rolled down the road and she chatted with her Dad on the phone. WTH?! We did NOT get rid of the dog! Another night she told him we'd been to Cracker Barrel for dinner and I had been mean to her the whole day. At that point her eyes were fixed on the kitchen table and her spaghetti painted face plastered in a grin as I poke her in the belly. We did NOT go out for dinner and I hadn't once gotten on to her that day. We'd had a fabulous afternoon together....the turd!

Lil Duck is quite the little story teller, one day telling her Dad during a nightly phone call that all she'd done the whole day was lay in the chair and poop. *eyeroll* Someone find this kid an agent!!! I've shared many chuckles with my own mother over it; her much  more hearty than mine. What's that saying about your child being 10 times worse than yourself?

Yeah....sigh....the only support I received from my own mother was her telling me between guffaws, ..."I distinctly remember your kindergarten teacher telling me, 'if you don't believe everything she tells you about school I won't believe everything she tells me about home!'" Evidently my mother readily agreed with my teacher. And after spending this past Saturday night with my folks where the libations and stories were smoothly flowing I know exactly whom I take after. Thank you Mother! At least now I have some great dirt on my mom I hadn't ever known.

This morning I'm still left wondering though, is there a support group????

Sunday, November 27, 2011

EdenFantasys Lingerie Review - Adult Content

Sex toys and accessories may not be the spice you choose to add to your bedroom time. EdenFantasys anticipates such a wide variety of needs, wants and desires and they have a fantastic quality Lingerie line. I'm a bit obsessed with it. While they offer anything from floor length silk gowns to peek-a-boo teddies, I've had much fun stepping out of my tank and shorts comfort zone.

 I've tried 3 different selections and been extremely happy with each one not only in quality and comfort but price as well.With pricing starting at $14 there is truly something for everyone here. While each piece requires hand washing, as most nightwear does, they have all laundered well and proven their quality in every area.

The strapped mini dress is awesomely versatile in that it can be paired with a variety of accessories to fit the mood and change up the look. It is very comfortable, fits regardless of weight fluctuation (the material is very stretchy) and makes Irishman DROOL. Hand wash with care and this will remain a go-to number in your line up.

I have also tried a few of the bodystocking selections EdenFantasys offers. Extremely affordably priced and surprisingly comfortable, the stockings are easy to slip into just be mindful to use some care as not to snag anything. They are soft against the skin and whether the fishnet style or the bows and lace, were surprisingly sturdy. The bodystockings can even be layered under regular clothing with hints of what is to come. These are an absolute value for the money and a piece you'll want to add to your collection.


Knowing the quality of EdenFantasys products and my level of satisfaction *snicker* with every purchase, I have a running Wish List. Just in time for the Holidays they are promoting new Lingerie lines and not only provide the outfit but finishing touches accessories as well. Its a one stop shop for the bedroom! Take advantage of Cyber Monday and make sure you're at the top of Santa's Naughty List.


*I will receive a gift card to EdenFantasys.com for writing a review of my experience with their products. This is no way sways my opinion or guarantees a favorable review.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving Prozac

Recently (like last week...I've been saving this one) I was looking through my stats/sitemeter/analytics because I like to see who is stalking me. It amuses me at times...anyway... I'm always interested in what search words bring viewers/stalkers/readers to BCC and I laughed out loud when Mr/Mrs RoadRunner googled THANKSGIVING PROZAC and found themselves here at the pond. I like to think we can all share a few laughs and you leave feeling a little better. Hmmm? No?!

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for finding the NUT to my BOLT....the TURKEY to my WADDLE...the HERO to my SUPER (<--heh...got a little corny...sorry). So from The Duck & Irishman,

Happy Thanksgiving
Mayhaps the WONDERrment be over in a FLASH, but the Prozac (and wine) be plentiful! Warmest wishes for a fabulous Holiday!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Waved Celery and Fell In The Toilet



Tuesdays are reserved for everything from tirades, to photo happiness to randomness. Since randomness suits me best these days that's the route I'm taking today. Surprised? Meh...me neither. Grab your panties and lets hit this random someoneneedsmedstat ride together.

You can thank Big Mama Cass at Casa di Cass for the linkup
.randomtuesday

~ On the drive between buildings at work some psycho woman of the Minivan Mafia wanted in my lane and to take the spot I occupied. The lane wasn't quite big enough for us both and Harriet The Honda went beep beep. Minivan Mafia pycho crazy lady  woman gave me the ugly angry face and silently screamed angry words. I shook my celery stalk at her. I showed her!

~ My feet are really cold. I hate that.

~ The lady on the news said BMI and I giggled out loud. BM...yes I'm 12.

~ So yesterday? I fell in the toilet. Seriously, how do you fall in a toilet when stone cold sober?
Be Me.
In my defense it was a combination of things. Allow me to share...
1. The toilet at work is HUGE....my ass is not.
2. I'd had a total of 2 hours of sleep in 24. Tired didn't even begin to cover it.
3. I was wearing my glasses instead of my contacts.
Both #2 and #3 (<--fixed that thanks to Kristin) could affect my balance and depth perception.
4. The caffeine buzz made me dizzy. Sudden movements and it was all downhill from there.

~ I had another thought but it is completely gone now. That is happening a lot lately.

~ I'm ready to decorate for Christmas. If I could get on my own roof and hang the lights I would be out there right this minute doing it. Eh...maybe...its pretty cold and my feet are still cold.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Santa Baby... Yeah, I Went There ALREADY

The stores are already hitting it from every angle. Christmas lighting ceremonies are planned for this week and the days following. Radio stations will soon be switching over to their holiday programming and its time to be making wish lists. Those of you that brave the Black Friday crowds (I don't. Jail cells really aren't my thing) already HAVE the wish lists. I decided why not have a little fun with it? My tree will only have gifts for others under it so I'm going to go all out...channel some of that Christmas Magic. Who knows....maybe if I wear this

I might get some of this....

Fergalicious Standup In Black

Park Avenue Princess Coat
I want to be sitting here

I want to win

Bling would be great!

As long as I had a cleaning staff this would be alright too...

What is on your list this year? Real or Fanciful.... I'm not really asking for much *grin* so delight me with your wishes.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Speakeasys- Beware The Raid


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 Fancy cocktails in murky surroundings, they've captured the allure and affection for a piece of American history where going against the grain was in fashion; the newest nightlife hot spots loosely fashioned after bygone days and I was there in stiletto boots and he in his dashing derby hat both sophisticate and clad in black.

One of those rare Saturday nights Irishman had a night off from vectoring airplanes from atop the pedestal of death and he surprised me with a trip to the city's hottest secretive basement bar. Unless you know someone who has been before, good luck finding more info other than a contact number and that's if you know at least the name. You  must text a reservation request to the number. They respond with your confirmation time and the address a few hours prior. Be prompt were the instructions.

We parked in a nondescript lot, wandered around the outside of a building until we found ourselves in a back alley, behind a dumpster and next to what appeared to be a back service door to a restaurant in the heart of downtown. A small receiving dock, locking pull-down gate, raised at the time, and half-full soapy water buckets slopped up in corners of the concrete slab. We stepped up and into the small arch of light cast downward by the single bulb hanging above a very plain unassuming door. Next to the door a small button and a simple gold placard displaying the bar name. The only indication we were in deed in the right place.

Inside, down a narrow set of basement stairs through a long hallway and around a corner, the basement passageway opens up into a very cozy candle lit bar and seating area. The need for reservations immediately apparent for seating is intensely limited. Don't expect to find any food on the menu. This establishment is strictly to appease your cocktail palate. Delectable, delicious, exquisite, exotic and erotic it definitely was. Heh...okay...so maybe the erotic part was later but you totally understand how amazing the ambiance was.

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If you know anything about the Prohibition era, you know that it took effect sometime in Januaray of 1920 and ended around December of 1933. It was also reportedly the WORST era for cocktails in the United States which stands to reason. Half the liquor was homemade or adulterated and in place of the classics substitutions were made with some crazy concotions used to mask the fact that subpar ingredients were being used. Do enough research on the subject and you'll find that many people actually died from these crazy cocktails. So really, these new age speakeasys are designing themselves after the dazzling age of cocktails from 1890 to 1910 where one could find house infused liquors, fresh fruit juices, hand chipped ice and some amazing vegetable purees used. And that is EXACTLY what this bar offered!

We tried one of almost everything between the two of us and spent an ungodly amount of money. It was SO incredibly worth it. I can not wait to go back! It by far rivals anything I have had in any city I have ever traveled to...and I've done some travelling prior to motherhood.

Speakeasy quackers, lest there be a raid a coming....and check your own city for one of the fabulous bars!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Personal Shopping Service GIVEAWAY!

Ever wish the clothes would just magically appear in your closet?

I DO

Feel overwhelmed at putting together a stunning ensamble for those holiday parties that won't blow your budget?

I DO

Simply OUT OF TIME to shop for yourself never mind lacking the ability to put the outfit together down to the last accessorized detail?

PhotobucketFree To Be Stacia Lee is generously giving away access to her Personal Shopping Service! You don't have leave home, or spend any more time than to email her a quick photo of yourself along with a few other details (holiday party? causal or work ensamble? just something new for YOU?) and she will shop for you, putting together TWO complete outfits accessories included!


You can read about my recent fabulous experience with her HERE.

MerryChristmasHappyBirthdayMerryHappyHanukkahKawanza To YOU! or Sue...keep it for yourself or give it as a gfit!

Monday, November 14, 2011

I Done Did It x 22

From time to time I check out the writing prompts from Mama Kat's writer's workshop and more often than not use them in my own personal journal. The one you quackers don't get a peep at. I'm still a big fan of that pen and paper stuff. I'm SO old school, I know. This one has been sitting awhile and today is as good a day as any to post it.


22 Things I've Done
prompt compliments of Mama Kat

1. Broken a bone, waited 2 days before even going to the doctor and 5 more before receiving any pain meds. And I was 5 months pregnant at the time. #WonderWoman

2. Interpreted a Garth Brooks concert, on stage, in front of 18,000+ screaming fans. His fans....not mine. I only have 600 that I know of.

3. Buried my sister and held the hand of her 5 year old son as we said "see you later"

4. gained 50 pounds then shed 65. "Hello skinny jeans"

5. Met Bill Cosby, interpreted a presentation he gave and was very UNimpressed with the man.

6. Was pulled on stage during a concert for a "Best Booty Shake" contest with my then roommate and friend KB

7. Appeared in a children's television program pilot episode

8. While wearing a purple wig, I mooned a stranger and may or may not have slapped his ass as he walked by. (he's not a stranger any more).

9. Peed my name...okay...my initials in the snow.

10. Won a hula hoop contest subsequently splitting my pants front to back when I bent down to pick the hoop off the floor and collected my yard margarita with my butt hanging out.

11. Survived simply because I know how to laugh. (thats ambiguous on purpose)

12. Killed 4 Blackberries in 12 months time. 2 were not my fault.

13. Been on a bazillion blind dates once upon a time.

14. Left more than one blind date at the table while my Sista picked me up out front due to a "family emergency".

15. Mixed up oatmeal cookie dough and ate it all before baking a single cookie.

16. Gone on a date with myself.

17. Read an 800+ page novel in a day and a half.  It was that good. (God bless Jamie Fraser and Diana Gabaldon)

18. Driven while naked.....eh...guess I wasn't technically the one driving....

19.  Flown to another city just to have dinner. Then came home.

20. Sang the National Anthem at a major league sporting event.

21. Climbed a waterfall.

22. Swam in a lake and got attacked by a shark....ok...so maybe it wasn't a shark.  Oooor even a fish. May have just been some drift wood. I HATE swimming in water I cant' see through. It COULD'VE been a shark!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

But I Wanna Pet It! - Throwback Thursday II

It's Thursday, why not pull a great memory or story from yesteryear (or yesterday...) and relive the horror embarrassment terror fun of it?! Heck, pull it from the achieves of your blog if you like. Who REALLY goes back into the early days of posting to see what goodness may be hiding there? *ahem* Not that I'm reposting or anything. It was fun last week so I figured I would do it again...





We started with pet gold fish, my sister and I. Hers Walter Sunshine, mine Abraham… they lived in separate bowls but on the same counter top. We loved them, we watched them, we fed them. Mom changed their water.

One day while providing fresh water for these stellar pets, Abraham got dropped into the garbage disposal. Now, I don’t know all the details, I don’t think they were ever shared with me... I was young… young enough to be upset but not traumatized. I was old enough to play on mother’s guilt. SISTA totally rubbed it in that Walter Sunshine swam normally in his little suburbia bowl while Abraham, after being rescued (she hadn’t flipped the switch afterall) never again swished his tail fins and always slept either sideways or with his nose firmly pressed to the bottom of the bowl. They aren't suppose to do that.

Two days later mom and dad came home with a brand new 10 gallon tank; all the bells and whistles of the fish world complete with a air bubble pirate’s chest that tumbled with bling. SISTA and I picked out the perfect spot in our room, bestowed names on all the new inhabitants and immediately started over feeding our new pets.

Fast forward one year.

Fish – BORING

Hamsters – AWESOME

We really wanted a dog but that wasn’t going to happen. Each time we brought up the topic of a new pet we were reminded of the fish.

But we want something we can peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

DAD: you can pet fish.

Nooooooooooo! The might bite our fingers.

Dad: don’t stick your hand in the tank. You can pet them when they die. (&lt;--such a funny guy)

….and the seed was planted. Dad really wasn’t mean. You just have to understand his sense of humor. He always chortled when he said that.

SISTA and I began waiting for the Sunday papers each week to look through pet store ads. We clipped and cut and pasted and saved and created the most fantastic hamsters world on paper a furry rodent could ever hope for. We also stopped feeding the fish.

Eventually they began to eat one another.

One day there was not but a pile of bones on the bottom of the tank. Next to the treasure chest. We stood infront of the tank, mesmerized...

SISTA: They’re gone.

Ducky: Yep

SISTA:…smiles

Ducky: (high five) I’ll get the notebook

SISTA:daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Can we go to the pet store?

A short time later SISTA and I were the proud owners of the cutest little yellow hamster named Popcorn.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

How Do Ya Like Them Apples - Ducky Gets Fashionable

Fashion Forward or BassAckwards?

Fashion Savant or Fashion Faux Pas?

I'm the latter on both. I find great pieces that I love and will somewhat keep me this side of the 21st century mark without screaming SHE WAS BORN IN THE 70's 80's... SHE OWNS NOTHING BUT PRACTICAL BORING MOM STUFF...or DOES THE WOMAN NOT OWN A MIRROR?  CHECK THE WOMAN FOR GRAY STREAKS AND CHIN HAIR (<--sadly that's no joke) Unfortunately I have zero ideas on how to put it all together...or WHAT should go to together. Enter Stacia Lee
Photobucket"

I found this fashion gem during a Monday blog hop last month as the Friends You Love group celebrated friendships and new bloggers (she guest posted at The Random Blogette). She is adorable. If I could put her in my pocket every time I hit the shops I would. The next best thing? Using her Personal Shopper services. #WINNING!  I found these great boots and like always had nothing to wear with them. I hit up Stacia and she asked a few questions, I sent a few photos of myself (and the boots) and within a week she presented me with three complete outfits; all the way down to ear rings and bracelets!

Stacia did a fabulous job, everything is within my budget (even if I have to acquire slowly). I love everything she picked out for me, some pieces will work with what is already in my closet AND I am mixing and matching and adding a little flare of my own. I know...I know...walking on the WILD side!

Here is what she put together....all the outfits can be found on polyvore.com and her username is freetobestacialee. All of the pieces are from Old Navy, Kohls, Target, Jess LC and The Limited. The first board is Date Night, followed by Girls Night Out and then Work It.  Stacia has some great style features on her blog too. She not only decorates the body but your home as well! Check her out! You'll love it!
date night

Girls night out



"Work" it

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Celery Beer Photography - Random Tuesday

randomtuesday
It is Tuesday... We made it through Monday and if your Monday was anything like mine, survival is wholly commendable. It isn't any wonder if you've woken today feeling a bit numb, disoriented, discombobulated and all over wonky. Yes...I said wonky. I know. I've been on a major verbiage modification mission and its obviously one of the few successful things going for me right now seeing as how I just typed wonky without even thinking about it. I digress....it is Tuesday and time for linking up with Big Mama Cass at Casa di Cass for some Random Tuesday Thoughts (which she just so happens to NOT be doing today cause she's moving across the country...as if... pffft).

-I very much feel like that half empty water bottle aimlessly thrashing about the floor board among the half crumpled, snotty, rain soggy, muddy tissues and  napkins as I whip around corners and mash the break and gas alternately of Harriet my Honda.

-I baked and ate the the apple crisp. ALL. BY. MYSELF

-I saw my haircut on a lady 2 times my age the other day. She looked horrible. It has me rethinking my whole look and suddenly feeling insecure. Stupid, no?!

-This time change really has me screwed up. Instead of wanting to nap all day I want to nap all day. (<--no, that wasn't a typo).

-Lil Duck has been sick. Has a surgery appointment for tubes and hopefully that will provide her little body with some much needed relief. I was super touched to come home to find a message on the answering machine from the director of her preschool. She's missed two days and they were checking on her.

-Klout says I'm influential on Celery and Beer and Photography. I think those are kickass topics.

-It is raining. I wish I had a magic wand or that it really worked when I clicked my heels together. I keep trying...I do. I have the bruises to prove it.

-the 1920's were really cool fashion wise.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Is There A Pickle In Your Monkey?

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We've all heard "Never Say Never" and "Just wait until it happens to you!". Those coined phrases can and do apply to so much of life and EVERY.SINGLE.STAGE of life.

Take my Butt Cape near disaster for example...never say it won't happen to you! "Just wait" until it does.... then you better come tell me about it!

Today though I'm specifically thinking of Parenthood. Things I never dreamed in my wildest fantasies nightmares dreams would tumble forth I give voice to and some pretty crazy schiz has tumbled forth and still does.  Currently topping the list of

 FAVORITE TOP 5 THINGS MOTHERHOOD LEGITIMATELY ALLOWED ME TO SAY....

1. You have a pickle in your monkey?

2. No chip-clipping the Nads!!!

3.Do you really have a banana in your pocket?

4. waking up Lil Duck by singing a song I made up about a
 farting giraffe (whatever it takes to start the 
day with giggles. O-Dark-Thirty is very very early).

5. Please stop honking my boob. MMMk?plzthx!


I know you've got some doozies...please do share!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Win Your Holiday Gifts Lovable Labels Giveaway

Lovable Labels is featuring fabulous options for the holidays! Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or just ushering in the New Year you will find a label pack to meet your needs. In the review I chose the Return Address Labels with matching Gift Seals. With 6 design options to choose from, I found the perfect label and was able to customize the message on the gift seals. When paired with our photo cards this year, its going to make a wonderful holiday presentation .... to a mailbox! HA! Nonethless, I LOVED the way they looked!

If its Labels you're wanting, you'll find awesome Holiday options in the Holly Jolly Gift pack. Customize them with your child's name, or Love Santa/ Love The Johnson's and they've become your gift tags for the season! Limitless options!!

The Holly Jolly Gift Packwas designed with the essentials in mind. Wrapped in a pretty red foil package, the recipient will receive 15 Multi-Purpose Stickers, 40 Slimline Labels, 12 Shoe Labels, 24 Press N’ Stick Clothing Dots ( 6 Large, 6 Medium, and 12 Small) and 2 Mini-Metal Tags. Everything you need to cover the basics and more! Limited Time Only! $24.99!
Comes in Christmas Jewels and Santa’s Pack
Gift Seals and Matching Address Labels: Holiday fashioned Gift Seals and Holiday Return Address Labels! 6 Designs to choose from. These self sealing gift seals with matching address return labels make a beautiful presentation when paired together on the envelope of your holiday cards. Each pack contains 60 Gift Seals and 90 Address Labels. Limited Time Only! $21.95
Comes in Winter Wishes, Starry Night, SNO Berries, Jingle all the Red,
 A Green Christmas and Glow


WIN YOURS!!! Its super easy! Keep them for yourself, gift them to someone you love! Would make a perfect gift for a school teacher, mom of young ones or your bestie!


Thursday, November 3, 2011

I Was Double Dog Dared...I Couldn't Say No



It's Thursday, why not pull a great memory or story from yesteryear (or yesterday...) and relive the horror embarrassment terror fun of it?! Heck, pull it from the achieves of your blog if you like. Who REALLY goes back into the early days of posting to see what goodness may be hiding there? *ahem* Not that I'm reposting or anything.

So... Throwback Thursday...yeah...I made it up. Or I think I did. If I didn't, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to poach. Just read my deng story, mmmmk? Thanks.





Sixteen and itching to get away from prison home, without the slightest bit of hesitation I jumped on the offer to join one of my bffs and her family on a short road trip over the Easter holiday break. Eight hours away, to the south, lies a small microscopic town with its inbred bassackwards hillbilly folk. (<---no hate mail. I love me some hillbillies!! Really. I do. Turst. I love him good. *giggle*) Not exactly exciting; not exactly New York or LA or even Chicago, but at least it was away from home. AND my girlfriend and I were allowed to drive down in her convertible while her parents followed in their vehicle. SCORE! For 8 awesome hours we pretneded we were on our own; top down, radio blaring and enough gossip and giggling to make you want to puke. I'm sure we may or may not (I was totally the one who did it) mooned a few truck drivers along the way.

Fast forward to the drive home (because really, it was a dew drop of a town and the most exciting happening was old Mr. Elmer farting in the Post Office and ending up with shart puddle around his boots. That’s not exactly People worthy gossip). We stop for lunch at a famous restaurant, Lambert's CafĂ© "The Only Home of Throwed Rolls".

No typos, that’s the name.

Yes, they are famous for throwing rolls at patrons while they eat.

Upon being seated Sue and I immediately noticed a table of Airmen in their flight suits eating nearby.

We’re 16. We have Guydar (kinda like penis radar but a nicer way of saying it).

After much debate and a few double dog dares from Sue’s father (and you KNOW Ducky RARELY backs down from a dare even at the age of 16), we giggle and swagger over to the table of guys. There’s just something about a man in uniform – even to this day they still warms my girlie parts make me smile.

We approach. The low rumble of conversation stops as four pair of eyes travel the length of us. Only two smile (dayum! Rough crowd already and we haven’t even done anthing yet!)

We get down on one knee.

Curiosity is passed around the table.

Sue and I suck up courage from our toes and open our mouths…

"Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you.
If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah.
We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday.
So don't...don't...don't...don't let it slip away.

You lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...woooooah”

By this point the entire restaurant has gone silent; food falling out of open mouths, glasses breaking, rolls thudding to the floor. I’m sure a few wretched discretely into their napkins and birds began death spirals into the windows. Truly. It happened.
As we ended our shortened rendition of this Top Gun classic, every table BUT the one to which we handed our pride erupted in laughter and applause. Not these four men. Nope. These four sat stock still and looked at us like the stupid 16 year olds that we were.

Shortly after that I was thunked in the head with a roll.

THAT broke the table into laughter.
Those 2 minutes were the beginning and the end of my singing career. Scarred for life I now just SIGN words to songs. I don’t SING them and I think ears across America are sighing in relief.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Does Shit Run Uphill?

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It does in my house, but then I've always known I was special. You know, in the speesheal sort of special kind of way.

Spent all afternoon with the plumber awhile back [insert pipe and crack jokes here].  Heh...not in that sort of way but I did get a detailed lesson in exactly how shit runs uphill; at my place anyway. I have a split entry house. The lower half sits below street levels and below city sewers.  This requires a grinder pump to....yup....grind and propel poo to the street level. Fortunately the builder was thinking ahead and plumbed the house so ONLY the bathroom downstairs and the laundry room water dumped into that drum and subsequently pumped out.

Suuuuuuuure wish I'd known that when the pump suddenly failed and I spent two days peeing in the back yard with the dog. And damned if it didn't trip my motion sensor security flood light EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! HOW could I have lived in my house for 10 years and not known this little plumbing fact?

I also wish I'd known the downstairs bathroom was the only bathroom dumping into the pump since I NEVER used it. And all the times it malfunctioned or was clogged with toilet paper over the years I listened to the former moan, grumbled and holler about being elbow deep in MY shit and my over abundance in use of toilet paper. When in fact it was his own he was digging around in. For some reason that just makes me giggle....incessantly.... I'm a wee bit delirious these days. Works sucks. I digress.

So...pump fixed, education received, chuckle had, bill arrived I DIE! Turns out thats some expensive shit.

You can find me working the corner of 69th and Pimpin for the next 487 several weekends.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Ducks of a Feather...

....Ducks of a feather TWIRL together....



Linking up with Leigh from Leigh vs Laundry and the 52 Weeks of Happiness Project

"Dancing is like dreaming with your feet." ~Constanze

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, 
but backwards and in high heels".  ~Faith Whittlesey

Lil Duck and I have, for some time now, been attending a Mom & Me dance class on Saturday mornings. For months my little ballerina flitted around the house pointing and twirling and plie'ing between episodes of Angelina Ballerina all while insisting that was to be her some day.
"To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak".  ~Hopi Indian Saying

SOME DAY arrived and I found a class we could attend together. She bounces from bed each morning hours before class, dresses in her 'ballerina dress' and practices.
 Her smile never falters from the moment we load the car until class has ended.
"There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them." ~Vicki Baum

I'm quite sure I look forward to it just as much as she does.
Her enthusiasm is the music to my heart;
 her high wattage smile and the twinkle of her eyes the dance of my heart. 

"In a dancer, there is a reverence for such forgotten things
 as the miracle of the small beautiful bones and their delicate strength."  ~Martha Graham

I don't even mind that she usually ditches me for a spot at the front of the room, right next to the teacher and naturally dead center to the wall of mirrors. *chuckle* She IS her mother's child.

~
On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;
No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage


**extra special thanks to Irishman for taking the great pics of Lil Duck and me. She sure loves having an audience watching at the windows!