Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Slap a Snoozer -Tuesday Tirade


Linking up today with Stephanie over at BabesRockinMami for a Tuesday Tirade...just a lil sumptin different. Gotta keep it spicy....

...We both have children, the Irishman and myself, and although we've been dating for quite a long time now we waited a good long while before we introduced each other to our respective children and then the children to each other. 

We overnight but not when we have our children. Everyone does things differently and this is how we are choosing to do things now...slow and steady....so most of our overnights happen during work days. He's a SNOOZE SLAPPER and I just wanna slap. It goes like this:

4:00am  EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!
he slaps the snooze we roll over

4:10 am EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!
he slaps the snooze we roll over

4:20am EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!
he slaps the snooze we roll over

4:30am EH! EH! EH!
he slaps the snooze we roll over

Finally about 4:50am he climbs out of bed, dresses for work and rolls to the tower or Pedestal of Death as he likes to call it. On Non Sleep Over nights MY routine looks like this:

4:30am - ocean waves lap the shore and a fog horn beeps in the distance....
I hit the button and pout as I climb from bed
(I get up earlier on the days I have Lil Duck because of driving to daycare then to work)

I don't really understand the snoozer slap concept. It makes me more tired and I really just wanna slap the snooze slapper...lovingly of course...heh of course!

Are you a snooze slapper or do you just do whatya gotta do when ya gotta do it?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Shades of Cool

image credit here

Last week I tweeted for some assistance (thanks for nuttin btw) on replacing my sunglasses. The last pair I had for at least 3 years, if not longer. May have been closer to 4 ½…either way I took care of them because the thought of buying new ones triggers severe PTSD and I'm at risk for pissing myself I dropped a stupid amount of money on them. I have NO IDEA what happened to them. I even looked in the Farm. Everything ends up in Lil Duck’s farmhouse (those Little People are hoarders I tell ya!)

GONE GONE GONE *le sob*

Much like jeans, I have an extremely difficult time finding a good fit. Somehow my head shrinks and narrows and the frames magically grow exponentially; weird how that happens. Consequently I absolutely DREAD buying new sunglasses/eyeglasses and only hope to be forced to do so every 1,286 years. (Yeah, I'm gonna live a long time. Only the good die young.)

I have a hard face to fit evidently…most often I have to shop for frames in the kids section. While I love me some Little Mermaid, at 32 I’m a bit beyond that   (or waaaay beyond according the Lancome Hag). Wonder Woman frames? We’ll talk.

So I breezed through the sunglasses store and that was the beginning of the end. The first frames I tried on were THE ONES.  Its rare when something like that happens, kind of the same way it was with my wedding dress back in the day. Thank God I am infinitely more wise in making selections now than I was back then. These will for sure be a lasting love affair and MUCH easier to drive over should they act stupid and piss me off. But I digress.

I slipped them on, fell in lust and peeked at the price tag. *le sob* I had to dig deep for the responsible me. I’m on a budget, yo. A tight one. I walked to the car and did what any responsible adult would do; Tweeted, Facebooked, Texted and called out. Responsible, hmmyes?  Then I weighed the choices:

1.buy glasses

2.pay a bill

3.buy glasses

4.buy new bedding to redo room

5.buy glasses

6.buy new iPod for running

7.buy glasses

AND since I always try to live with no regrets *big cheeser* I’m sure you can guess my final decision...

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Lucky Duck - Happiness Project

52 Weeks of Happiness Project - The Lucky Duck
These hatched a few doors down the hall from the chaotic classroom I've been in most of this school year. I like to think of myself as the little speckled one; just enough different but still accepted and surrounded by the love of my pack. Allow me to explain...
Its symbolic of the last 5 days or so...I've struggled with living through the one year anniversary of the week I watched my previously healthy 35 year old sister suddenly die because a doctor grossly made mistakes and then unsuccessfully chased his tail. Instead of getting annoyed with my emotions, Irishman provided me dinner, ran me a candle lit bubble bath gave me wine and finished it off with a massage while lacing the day with laughter. That was one year to the day of the last time she would've been conscious. Not once did he say "people die every day" or that I was being selfish...his exact words were "Tell me what you need/want and let me take care of everything else."

Friday brought a basket full of love from the other 2/3 of the Wonder Triplet Powers... Adrienzgirl at Think Tank Momma and Kristin at OPC ...letting me know beyond the texts and BBM's that their hearts were with mine and arms outstretched if the load became too heavy. Fruits and Nuts for the Nutty Fruit! How Perfect!

Saturday, May 21st was bathed in sunshine and despite wanting nothing more than to crawl inside myself, those around me refused to let me. Whatdya know?! My friends aren't imaginary and I didn't have to cry alone. A family filled day celebrating life and focusing on my sister's 6 year old son is how we spent the anniversary of her death. He had a smashingly successful baseball game that we followed with a tightknit quiet picnic in rememberance of an amazing woman.  I dropped
 Lil Duck off with her father and got in a good cleansing run before meeting The Royals on line. The Queen wanted to be sure there were no gaps in time where I was alone on the first anniversary of my sister's death. She organized a fabulous online party for me. They had me laughing, regaled me with fabulous tales and did some storm chasing. Thanks to wireless internet they even followed me to Sistas bonfire. More love and bonding via strawberry margaritas and Porn Star shots (YOU ROCK SISTA!) and some Wonder Triplet Powers uniting along with Irishman selling his soul and getting off work early kicked off the night cap. My night ended with Irishman bringing me flowers, hanging at the fire, offering endless hugs and loving me into a deep, solid much needed exhaused sleep. So again... I am a LUCKY DUCK.... A VERY LUCKY DUCK... well surrounded by Happiness and Love (hence my choice of photo) and they don't give a quack if I'm speckled a little or not!


For more amazing photographs of Happiness link up with...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Edumacated Is What I Are yUp

Can't possibly live long enough to learn every thing myself, the hard way. And that is how I learn best....the HARD WAY, unfortunately...or fortunately depending on how you look at and who you are, I suppose. Life is about perspective and attitude. Take for instance the fact that I really thought I had an attitude problem where my job was concerned and then I realized I just work with a bunch of little assholes.

See?!  Perspective! Makes all the difference. Heh... I love being me...

Anywhozle... on to Life Lessons. I've already done the learning and I'm here to share. LUCKY YOU! Grab a pen and paper...lip stick and a wall, a dirty diaper and the window... *eyeroll* your new iPad2 for all you technologically advanced rich people out there...and take notes. Then feel free to share your own in the comments...like I said. I can't learn it all by myself.

#587- Sometimes you have to look hard for the humor in life and sometimes its right in front of you systematically pulling the paper off crayons and sniffing them like a fine cigar.

#1145- Leaving a trail of Cheetos to the back door is an effective way to get the geriatric dog outside. Also works for getting the 2 year old to the bathtub.

#992 -A healthy dump does wonders for the disposition

#2143 -Starting fires either accidentally or intentionally will not bring hot fireman to your dwelling. Infact, it won't bring them at all...unless it is a HUGE fire. What it WILL do is set off the smoke dectors and cause the dog to piss everywhere.

#13 -There isn't a time when Hugs and Coffee are not appropriate


Okay...now its your turn.....Go....

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Happy Goat Soap - Giveaway

Who wouldn't want to take a bath with a cow and come out clean smelling like monkey farts? Lil Duck was THRILLED when I presented her with soap shaped like a cow! She took a huge whiff and said "MMMM! Whats it smell like mamma?" When I told her it was Monkey Farts she dissolved into giggles to the point of making some bubbles of her own. Happy Goat Soap comes in all animal shapes and sizes and scents to delight the young, old and in between. It even comes unscented for the sensitive.

And speaking of sensitive... Pricillas goat milk soap, Pricilla is one of 6 goats that provides milk for this hand made - home made all natural soap. I love natural products that don't contain harsh chemicals. My skin is constantly dry as a pesky side effect to being diabetic and I'm always cognizant of the products I use on Lil Duck's skin. Happy Goats Soap uses rich ingredients including shea butter, cocoa butter, Olive oil and apricot kernel oil. She does not add any dyes to her soaps. Lil Duck had fun using the Cow all over her duckself and even her hair. She smelled super yummy and her skin was just as soft as usual. I had the same results when I used the Plumeria. I am not a bar soap user but I was really pleased with the results of this soap. It left a light clean scent and didn't dry my skin out.

3 BARS OF THEIR CHOICE

Mandatory to Enter: visit Happy Goat Soap come back and tell me your favorite item or something you'd like to try

Extra Entries: (pick and choose or do them all…if it says +2 that indicates you should leave TWO separate comments for each one. +3….THREE separate entries/comments etc)


- Follow Pricilla's Blog The Maaaaa of Pricilla   +2

-Follow Happy Goats Soap on Twitter @BrokenTeepee  +3

-Like Happy Goats Soap/Broken Teepee on Facebook +2

- If you subscribe so I can Quack into your email give yourself + 5

- If you’ve entered any of the other current giveaways +3 per giveaway

- If you follow me on Twitter @daffybccrazy leave your handle in the comment +2

- if you’re a Quacker (BCC follower via GFC) +2

- Tweet the giveaway (sample tweet): this can be done daily at least one hour apart until 6/1. Leave a separate entry for each tweet.

#WIN 3 Your Choice frm Happy Goat Soap ends 6/1 @brokenteepee
 http://tiny.cc/bjcwe @daffybccrazy


**be sure to leave your email with at least one entry comment if it is not enabled on your profile for notification purposes. If I am unable to notify the winner, a new winner will be randomly drawn**



***I was provided product for the purpose of the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Barbeque Cups - SaS and Giveaway!


Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce
*Sauce It Up*

The sauce was perfected in 1968 and has been the hallmark of Country Bob's products since the inception of the business in 1982. You can find not only this awesome steak sauce but BBQ Sauces, Seasoning Salt and Spicy All Purpose Sauce. Their blog and website provide photos and detailed mouthwatering recipes to use along with these products. TOTAL CUSTOMER SERVICE! This sauce was a hit with all the tastebuds at our table, even for those of us who don't normally use a steak sauce. Country Bob's is fantastic with chicken and great on burgers and fries. Its sweet and tangy; on the thinner side with a stronger Worcestershire flavor than something like A1. Definitely going to be a staple in the fridge at the pond.

Here is a super yummy sample of one of the recipes you will find:

Barbeque Cups

What You Need:
3 cups buttermilk biscuit mix
3/4 cup cold water
1 lb ground beef (or turkey)
1 clove garlic
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce (or may substitute Spicy)
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

What To Do:
To make barbecue cups mix buttermilk biscuit mix and cold water to form a soft dough. Beat vigorously with a spoon for 20 strokes. Drop by spoonfuls into 12 greased muffin cups. Press dough on bottom and up sides of each cup. Saute garlic and onion in skillet. Add beef and brown; drain grease. Stir in Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce; heat through. Spoon beef mixture into cups; sprinkle with cheese. Bake at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes or until crust is golden brown.

*Two readers will each win one bottle of
Country Bob's All Purpose Steak & Hamburger Sauce*

REQUIRED To Enter: leave a comment telling me if you are a steak sauce user or not

Extra Entries: (pick and choose or do them all…if it says +2 that indicates you should leave TWO separate comments for each one. +3….THREE separate entries/comments etc)

- If you subscribe so I can Quack into your email give yourself + 5

- If you’ve entered any of the other current giveaways +3 per giveaway

- If you follow me on Twitter @daffybccrazy leave your handle in the comment +2

- if you’re a Quacker (BCC follower via GFC) +2

- Tweet the giveaway (sample tweet): this can be done daily at least one hour apart until 5/28. Leave a separate entry for each tweet.

Enter To #Win Country Bob's Steak Sauce ends 5/28
 http://tinyurl.com/4x7bua8 @daffybccrazy


**be sure to leave your email with at least one entry comment if it is not enabled on your profile for notification purposes. If I am unable to notify the winner, a new winner will be randomly drawn**
***I was provided bottles of the product for the purpose of the review but received no financial compensation for my opinion. All opinions expressed are my own and were not swayed by the receipt of product**
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Today is also Share a Spoon with Adrienzgirl at Think Tank Momma
For more great Beef recipes hop over and check out the links!

Think Tank Momma

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Girl Party! - 52 Weeks Project

Lil Duck and I had a phenomenal weekend!
We cooked together in the kitchen and then she threw
a FAH-BULOUS tea party

After dinner we played with MEGA GIHUGIC bubbles


...and finished our night with a bubble bath and glitter toenail polish
then a movie in bed


For more amazing photographs of Happiness link up with...

Monday, May 16, 2011

Piss On Me - I Shoulda Been an Inventor

I fear I’ve permanently gone green and there’s nothing eco friendly about that. Instead of quacking, I bark. At times they are barking fits and because I am me they are at the most in opportune times to dissolve into coughing fits.

Despite what Boomerang and the Cartoon Networks lead you to believe, Ducks DO wear pants. Stupid work codes require it. SO limiting if you ask me. Speaking of work…I hate working when I’m sick. Heh…anymore I hate working. I love what I do just not where…meh…I digress.

So there I sit in the only quiet place in the building hiding taking a quick potty break

*COMMENCE COUGHING FIT*

Have YOU ever been midstream and hacked up a lung?

It is not pretty.

There is very little stream control…

…and a large area of collateral splatter damage. I might as well have just pee’d all over myself to start with.

Enter the PPS – PUBLIC PISS SHIELD

It would fit at the front of the toilet right between the legs. Similar to the pee guard little boys use when potty training. Simple, effective, cheap to make, fun to market. OH THE PISSABILITIES!

Don’t go bogartin’ my idea. I’ll be coming to you via a late night infomercial soon! Wear your best underwear...this is gonna be grand!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you haven't entered the giveaway be sure to do so HERE. Ends Friday.  You KNOW you want free stuff and this is AWESOME free stuff!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Bull Sh*t & The Flying Duck - Review/GIVEAWAY

I found the motherload of sites for those of you who refuse to bestow ordinary common gifts and/or are comfortably in touch with your inner prankster child (not to be confused with touching children cause that is 100% illegal!).


Baronbob.com has enough to delight your giggle spot for HOURS. Of the hundreds of products to choose from I selected the Bullshit Button keychain. It does NOT disappoint! Priced at $4.95 , it is the perfect addition to daily life! On the phone and it starts getting deep? Punch the button If Bullshit Were Money You'd Be A Millionaire”; talking with an annoying coworker who just won’t shut up about how awesome they are? Whip it out “Everybody Put On Your Helmet Bullshit Is Being Flung!”  IT IS BY FAR my favorite!

I also received the Slingshot Flying DUCK. I managed to send Irishman jumping and screeching into a corner as my Quacking Duck Slingshot assaulted him when he walked through the front door. IT WORKED! Just like the video on the website! I was rolling in hysterics and clapping like a monkey. Then it happened!...Irishman got his meaty paws into the slingshot and just as he cocked that quacker back to send it flying straight into my forehead (he has better aim than I do) it died on one sad quack. He pulled the head off…AND I peed myself laughing again. The product works great! Just don’t let Irishman Ironman play with it!


I have a ton of stuff for my want list: Prank bumperstickersfinger nose picker, and anything from the Father's Day Gifts section

Baronbob.com is offering one winner any item from the $9.95 page.
GO! PLAY! PRANK! *GIGGLESNORT*
________________________________________________________________

REQUIRED to ENTER: visit Baronbob on Facebook and either FRIEND or LIKE them. They would love to know where you’re visiting from!
For this give yourself 3 entries….leave a separate comment/entry for each.


EXTRA ENTRIES:
(pick and choose or do them all…if it says +2 that indicates you should leave TWO separate comments for each one. +3….THREE separate entries/comments etc)

- if you’re a Quacker (BCC follower via GFC) give yourself +2

- If you subscribe so I can Quack into your email give yourself + 5

- If you’ve entered any of the other current giveaways +1 per giveaway


- If you follow me on Twitter @daffybccrazy leave me your handle in the comment +1

- Follow Baronbob on Twitter @baronbobcom

- Tweet the giveaway (sample tweet): this can be done daily until 5/25. Leave a separate entry for each tweet.

Enter To #Win An Extraordinarily UNCOMMON Gift frm @baronbobcom ends 5/25 @daffybccrazy http://tiny.cc/dncvn


**be sure to leave your email at least one entry comment if it is not enabled on your profile for notification purposes. If I am unable to notify the winner, a new winner will be randomly drawn**





*There was no financial compensation for this giveaway. The items mentioned aboved were provided for the purpose of product review. The opinions & views expressed are that of my own & were not impacted by receiving free merchandise.




Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Madame Duckalicious Gets Upstaged

The Stage:   Chinese Buffet (ironic, no?!)

The Playas:   Irishman, Thing 1 and Thing 2 (aka The Boys), The Duck

The Scene:   meal eaten, fortune cookies delivered and passed all around, we crack our cookies and commence reading. The boys, Thing 1 and Thing 2, read, crumple and toss. Irishman reads, smiles and looks over the top of his paper.

The Duck reads and instantly is rewriting because lets face it, mine are always better (as is evident HERE, HERE or HERE or HERE).

The Duck, “What’s yours say, Irishman? Is it a good one?
You’ve kinda got a funny look on your face.”

Thing 1,Yeah, Dad! What’s it say?
…That you’re probably not gonna score with The Duck tonight?”

…Thing 2 snorts his Jello…water flies out my nose and I gigglesnortchokedrown cackle. The lower the Irishman’s jaw dropped the higher the level of red rose up his face. As the shock reached the top of his ears, his jaw smacked the table jolting some life back into him and he immediately starts SHUSSHING…..ME! Yes…me! Never mind that Thing 2 has red Jello oozing out his left nostril and looks a bit like Michael J Fox trying to Polka or that all of the 7 other restaurant patrons are agape at 11 year old Thing 1’s fortunetelling. Irishman can only focus on me. Me…half falling out of my chair, cackling, spurting water like a sprinkler from my nose….meh…okay so maybe I WAS a tad more embarrassing.

Would it have been a bit much to high-five Thing 1?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Pretties - 52 Weeks of Happiness Project

52 Weeks of Happiness Project

A few of my favorite pieces. I love unique one of a kind jewelry that has a story behind it. Its as much about the meaning as the look.
picture appears on http://www.bellycharmsblog.com/
This one was handmade for me by Sonya at BellyCharms. This is my Sister Bracelet. She worked with me to get it just right. I picked green to symbolize organ donation ( my sister was a donor), Pearl which was my sister's birthstone, and we accented it with gray which symbolizes brain tumors and brain cancer.

The next was taken on my birthday and although BigSis wasn't there....she was there.
Both my Mother and Sista have a bracelet from BellyCharms as well.

The  piece on the left is one my mom found for me.
 It is hand made from a piece of blown glass.
 It always gets compliments and I love that it is unique and handmade. On the right is Lil Duck's collection of Pretties. We have SO MUCH fun dressing up and I love it when she dresses me.

 And I couldn't let this week's Happiness Photos go without including one from Mother's Day Weekend.
Flowers make me happy...digging in dirt makes me happy.
 Lil Duck and I made all kinds of happy dirty dirt messes!


For more amazing photographs of Happiness link up with...

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Next Best Thing to Naked -Review

I saw, I loved, I bought and I am SOOO happy I did. We all know I hate underwear (unless its Wonder Woman) and pants run a second to that. I’m beginning to think I suffer Clothesaphobia. Could just be I have trouble finding clothing that fits well, is comfortable and affordable. I’m on a budget, yo!


Enter the MAXI dress from MARK. It is THE next best thing to being naked and pulls rank to my yoga pants. That’s big stuff…I LIVE in my yoga pants.

I don’t have the boobs to pull off the strapless version of the dress but it comes with a removable halter strap should you choose to wear it that way and I paired mine with a strappy tank and a fitted cardigan. Dress it up, dress it down, strappy heel, flat sandal; it is a versatile summer wardrobe must! I received TONS of compliments the very first time I wore mine out. Truth be told, the day it arrived in the mail was cold and rainy but I tried it on just to make sure it fit. It was SO comfortable and I loved it SO much that I just left it on and turned the heat up….its THAT awesome!

Where can you get yours? HERE at http://stephaniemartinez3265.mymarkstore.com/

What will it cost you? $34….very affordable for something that you will be wearing CONSTANTLY. No doubt I should have bought two as mine will be faded from repeated washing and threadbare by the end of the summer. People are going to think I own nothing but this one dress!

Thank you Stephanie for being such an awesome MARK rep and knowing your clients…this was a perfect fit for me!





*I was not financially compensated for this review. All opinions expressed are my own.


Friday, May 6, 2011

The Day Underroos Saved My Berry

It was a day like any other, crazy was at an all time high…children crawling on all fours across the room, fist fights, back talking to the likes of which your momma would have slapped your lips off your face before drop kicking you back into someone else’s vagina. It was THAT kind of day.

Due to that pesky indecent public exposure law and the fact that I work with minors, I have to wear pants to work. In addition there is an obscene amount of unidentifiable fluids in our special ed classroom. Due to such circumstances I usually wear underroos to work even though I detest them (underwear in general...wonder woman ones rock!). If I don’t HAVE to wear them, I don’t.

The staff crapper is in the front office, it’s the ONE place that is actually quiet and kid free in the building. So off to the bathroom I sneaked for a moment of sanity and quiet. Normally holstered in its case on my hip, my beloved crackberry happened to be in the pocket of my fleece pullover this time. I would later regret this…after my heart restarted.

I completed my usual routine lining the rim with 12 layers of toilet paper (I detest public bathrooms), tinkled, meditated, sang I’m a Little Teapot, counted to 1,000 and back again, sang the alphabet, recited the Preamble and decided it was probably time to go back. Break Over. Just as I stood up the unthinkable happened; the Berry picked up signal again and I got 2 texts, a tweet notification, a Facebook update, 3 emails and voice mail notification which all translates to EARTHQUAKE VIBRATIONS.

Out of the pocket the Berry slid as I was precariously hovering over the PORCELIAN BOWL OF CERTAIN BERRY DEATH. All in the same moment that my heart stopped and my brain was depleted of oxygen from the epic gasp I made, I witnessed my Berry catch the waistband of my Wonder Woman underroos and slide into the crotch of my panties…safe and DRY.

HOLY HELL BATMAN, WONDER WOMAN CAN SO KICK YOUR ASS!

No Berry drownings….

*whew*

And once again, I emerge from the staff bathroom in the front office to greet the stares of the office staff...guess I gasped kinda loud. I KNOW they wonder what the hell I do in there. Something ALWAYS happens.

Welcome to life with The Duck.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Beano Cornholio!

FIESTA!!
 (I stole this from Adrienzgirl)
It's Cinco de Mayo, Quackers! and SaS isn't letting us down
Link up or just visit for AWWWWSUM goodies to NOM NOM with your Margaritas!

photo credit
BLACK BEAN AND CORN DIP

What You Need:
1/2 cup balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing

1/4 teaspoon seasoned pepper

1/4 teaspoon dried cilantro

1/8 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

2 (15 ounce) cans black beans, rinsed and drained

2 (15 ounce) cans whole kernel corn, drained

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped green onions

1/2 cup red bell pepper, chopped

What To Do:
1.In a small bowl, mix together vinaigrette, seasoned pepper, cilantro, cayenne pepper, and cumin. Set dressing aside.
2.In a large bowl, stir together beans, corn, onion, green onions, and red bell pepper. Toss with dressing. Cover, and refrigerate overnight. Toss again before serving.

Pair with your favorite tortilla chips and eat until the cows look as happy as you do!


Think Tank Momma

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Tales from the Hood

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about work not because of a lack of material but mostly because its just so off the chain. The high school was consistent in providing awesome fodder with its stellar conversations and I certainly miss that.

Now my days are sticky with snot, whining, daily fist fights and kids that shit themselves. I’m in a room with ineffective management and a lazy old para. For example, yesterday we had a substitute and while this usually spells disaster and has at least on one occasion sent me right back out the door upon arrival, it meant that the flower child of the class spent the morning asleep under my chair. Post lunch she found her energy field and entertained herself for the remainder of the day by poking my ankles with a spork and shoving her arms up my pant legs.

This is also the same child who brought her stuffed mouse to school…when I say stuffed I mean TAXIDERMIED mouse and a pocket full of Lucky Charms. That was the same day the Whiner brought a dirty tube sock and clung to it like a security blanket complete with sucking on a corner.

One of our worst behavior problem children, whom I’m often restraining and jumping in the middle of fights with, offered me a hit off the pretend crack pipe he fashioned from some plastic tubing. He even made a small rock and everything. Temptation was great if only my imgaination were greater....anything to escape...I could deeply appreciate such a desire.

This grade school stuff is hard, people!

I do a lot of deep breathing which often leads to hyperventilating as you can imagine. It HAS been beneficial in that I can now count to 100 and backwards from 100 without removing my socks and shoes…big stuff I’m tellin ya!

And there are moments of humor if one chooses the right perspective… such as when a student plays musical chairs with herself or when the student you work with is asked, “Can you name the state you live in?”, and he shouts “BANANA!”. Then there is overhearing the discussion about Super Hero names. You know me and Super Hero stuff… I paid attention to this one. TrojanMan made me roll my eyes…not very original though I’m sure that kid thought so and Fire & Ice? Really?! Again, points for originality here! The best by far, and mind you this isn’t saying much, was

TAMPON MAX!

…..yeah, that’s what I thought but, hey!

RAG! You’re It!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Scent of a Smile


52 Weeks of Happiness Project
The Scent of a Smile





 I love Tulips and Irishman has taken to surprising me with random gifts of Tulips...just because.
These beautiful orange ones are my favorite yet.
The scent of a smile wrapped in blooming love.
~

For more amazing photographs of Happiness link up with...


If you're looking for POST IT NOTE TUESDAY you can still link up and find the awesome sticky fun with KRISTIN at OPC (Only Parent Chronicles)

Monday, May 2, 2011

Splurge on Polishing a Turd

photo credit

It is, afterall, my ugly mug the world sees everyday so I decided to treat myself to an ultra plush nighttime moisturizer. On a splurging high I approached the department store makeup counter and waited…and waited….and waited. Could they just tell I didn’t belong?

An obscene amount of time later and some flagging work on my part, I manage to track down a black-coat. I tell the makeup hag that I am wanting to purchase a night moisturizer but can not remember if it was product X or Y (it was really just samples I had been using cause I’m on a budget and I didn’t want to listen to her sell me shit I didn’t need/want or could afford).

She looks hard at me, blinks twice and says “Oh honey! It couldn’t be product X. That’s for early signs of aging and you are way beyond that. That’s for people in their 20’s. ”

……screeeeeech….hold up! EXCUSE ME?!

…she goes on to say…. “You were probably using product Y…that’s what I use and sometimes I even use Z. It does a REALLY great job of plumping up the fine lines and wrinkles.”

Riiiiiight! Which is why you would make a Shar Pei weep with jealousy! Seriously! If THIS is what YOU are using I’m seriously reconsidering my purchase because it OBVIOUSLY is not working. Then again…its like trying to polish a turd I suppose. No matter how much elbow grease you put into it, its still a turd.

I’m convinced someone switched all the mirrors in her home with funhouse mirrors or she lost her glasses…on purpose....or someone botched her lasik!

So…I’m now accepting review offers for anti-aging products! I’m hoping if I start now I may be able to prevent my jowls from drooping to the point that they are whispering secrets to my boobs…sigh…