Madame Duckalicious Says....

Whew! What a crazy week and I'm so glad its finally winding down. Sometimes the unknown is worse than the known. Alls I gots to say about that is be sure you know the answer before you ask the question...especially if its your job to know the answer.

 Figured it was time for some ReDO Scopes. To see what ReDo Scope are all about and catch previous Scopes, click HERE or HERE or HERE... As before, I've taken actual published horoscopes and rewritten them because...well...I just like mine better. *big cheeser*

MADAME DUCKALICIOUS AT YOUR SERVICE

"Your imagination can not be stomped out yet you might choose to be a

 little more discreet in revealing your ideas"

ReDO Scope:  Sure, you call it a demonstration in your artistic side...the rest of us call your dog collar, mullet slash rainbow mohawk, gogo boots and hooker halter...well...trashy. Next time lets just say you did and don't.

"A must appearance and a willingness to take the lead are important."

ReDo Scope: You wanna get laid? You must show up and it must include foreplay.

"Work with an associate who can be sarcastic and insightful"

ReDo Scope: You should be working with Me - DUH!

"You will not have much patience for foolishness from others today but you may

find it hard to get all that motivated yourself."

ReDo Scope: WARNING! Your lazy spoiled intolerant attitude has been busted.

"Travel plans and communications equipment are likely to be unreliable today."

ReDo Scope: Your ghettoass Cricket phone and rusted out hooptie are just that...GE-HE-TTOE.  Keep yo ass parked on the couch thumbing those video games. You ain't goin nowhere or talkn to nobody today.

Blow Job Speech Practice

I do my best thinking while blow drying my hair, always have. Maybe it’s the way the noise of the dryer is just loud enough to block everything out creating the perfect thinking background. Or its one of the few times of the day I’m in solitude. I’m pretty sure the light bulbs groan when I first flip the switch each morning. Not even the dog wants to bother me at 4:30 in the AM EARTH TIME.

So lately I’ve been thinking about my bucket list and day dreaming about nominations. Emmy nominations. I know y’all thought I threw that on the list as a flight of fancy. There is a Mid America Regional Emmy for Television division and ‘the show’ falls into several categories under that division. Those nominations that have made the list are announced late August with the awards ceremony, red carpet and all (think new humpmepumps **SQUEEE**) in October. I’m wondering how well my sense of humor would be received or if I’d be booed off stage ala Charlie Sheen <WINNING> style.

So there I am stark naked blow dryer in hand and the music and applause die down and as I stand before them mouthing my schpeal as if the mic was dead.

Funny, No?!

 Probably just to me and GuineaPig our Beta fish.

Or how about starting off in the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher….. “waaah waaah wah wa wa wah waah….”   Or maybe simply…. “I would like to thank God…for beer…and chocolate. That’s the only way I got through this. Beer and chocolate. That is all.”

No doubt my sister would be the only one laughing and my mom would be quickly and swiftly removing the very large strobe light flashing GO DAFFY button from her bosom.

Any suggestions?

Up In Yo Grill - SAS

BigRed's BadAss Beef Bath
Its grilling season and nothing screams spring like the smell of burning meat of hooved animal! Oh stop cringing my vegan friends... a good steak is SO mouth watering - and there is NOTHING like fresh veggies plucked from your garden and grilled up!! Just seeing the pictures makes me wanna eat this meal all over again!!!

For 2 NY Strips

 (double ingredients for more meat)

Marinade:

1tsp liquid smoke

Dash garlic salt

1 TBS or shake to taste of Minced Garlic (prefer Garlic Garlic by Tastefully Simple)

1 bottle of beer - anything works (something dark tastes best)

1/2 cup of BBQ Sauce Your

Choice (prefer Gates)

1 Tsp worcestershire sauce

1 Tsp soy sauce

MARINATE FOR 24 HOURS FOR BEST RESULTS

Pat dry and cover with a dry rub of your choice. 

Prefer Zarda Dry Rub 

Its important to pat the meat dry before adding the dry rub.

The meat won't sear on the grill correctly sealing in the flavor if it is too wet.

Your choice of veggies for steaming...

Veggies for the grill:
Corn, red and green peppers.
Use some spray butter and season to taste

Grill up and let yo mouth water!

Pair with a fabulous Sangria and eat until you can eat No Mo!

For more AHHHH-Mazing mouth water Grill It Up ideas jump over to Think Tank Momma and see what everyone else is cooking up! Don't forget to lick your fingers

EGG-Citing

52 Weeks of Happiness - Week 6

Last Saturday I took Lil Duck to an Easter Egg hunt complete with a breakfast, crafts and visit with the Easter Bunny (I'm thinking it should've been a duck...but that's just me). It was a family affair and chalk full of hilarity as usual. She was a NINJA collecting those eggs! I had tons of other photos however she was but a blur in most of them...darting too and fro with every egg spotted and beating out kids bigger than her to snatch up those little treasures. She's quite competitive! *puffs feathers proudly*

If you're looking for POST IT NOTE TUESDAY be sure to check out the sticky awesomeness with

 Kristin over at Only Parent Chronicles!

Chuck and The Duck

There are a few things every Monday morning should start off with…coffee, a thorough colon cleansing and HUMOR!

“Flat tire?....nope! Was driving around and the other three just swelled up!”

I had all three this morning. I’m kind of thinking Chuck was missing all of the above. Chuck works at the *insertnamehere* tire place. The Duckmobile had a flat tire and the LAST thing I really need to deal with is being stranded in the hood with a dead donut. I’m fresh outta crack which is whack and I ain’t about to break my back search for my jack. Naw mean?! Heh....

So I blow in the door as soon as the lock tumbles at *insertnamehere* tire place this morning.

“Morning Chuck! I’ve got a leaky tire but no appointment. Don’t suppose you’ve time to take a look at it do you?” *bats eyelashes*

“Um…sure. Who are you?”

*gasp with added drama of hand to chest* “YOU don’t know who I am? That’s seriously insulting! I guess that means you won’t be asking for my autograph?!"

 *blink blink*

"…..*chuckle*….Daffy…Daffy M. I bought my tires here in December."

(insert boring stuff here)


Chuck comes out and presents me with a huge staple “This is what you ran over ma’am.”

Me: “DAMN! I thought it was a body.”

*blink blink*

Me: “…..sigh…..Thats lovely, Chuck. Is it ready yet?”

(insert more boring stuff here)
Check-out time and he tries to sell me a *insertnamehere* tire place credit card. “No thanks. I don’t need any more credit cards.” To which he replies “Oh…darn. I knew I should’ve worn the promo button today.” Wow?! Really?

Me: “You have a promo button? Does it have flashing lights?”

Chuck: “No”

Me: “Meh….don’t bother then. Only flashing lights get cash, Chuck” and I run my card through the little pay thingie majigy. It flashed lights and beeped (SEE! Flashing lights=money!) and Chuck says, “uh…whatever you did it didn’t like. Can you run your card again….slower?”

Me: “Whatcha saying, Chuck? It doesn’t like fast women?”

*crickets*

DEAR GOD SOMEONE GET THIS MAN COFFEE WITH A SIDE OF HUMOR PLEASE!

At least the older gentleman who came in after me was enjoying the exchange. He winked when I left and I flashed him my best Duckalicious smile!

Happy Craptastic Monday Quackers! Don’t forget your coffee, your colon cleanse and your sense of HUMOR!

MARK My Words...You'll Love it! ~Review

I don’t usually wear a lot of warpaint but there are times I put a full face on and pair it with some great humpmepumps. I’ve had the opportunity to try a new line of products…new to me. MARK. Cosmetics. Finding a great product is just as important as a knowledgeable rep! The colors Stephanie sent were PERFECT!


I loved the way the Dragonfly green and Magic brown colors of eyeshadow made my hazel eyes pop. The shadows went on smooth and lasted all evening; just as vibrant at the end of the night as when I applied it. It wasn’t heavy, creased or greasy.

Of the shadows, lipstick, powder and cleanser she sent the cleanser by far was my FAVORITE of the products! I’m VERY picky about my cleaning regiment and have been fiercely loyal to my cleaning system for several years, however I LOVED the MARK. Calming Effect Banana/Oat cleanser. It cleaned my skin including removing my eye makeup completely without drying my skin. It left my face feeling clean but soft, silky and moisturized. The moisturized is a biggie for me. It seems I’m forever in search of skin quenchers my body over. This left no greasy residue…it was awesome and I’d buy it in a heart beat.

MARK. has a huge line of cosmetics at VERY reasonable prices but you’re not limited to skin! They have clothing, shoes and accessories as well!

Direct Link to MARK. site
http://www.mymarkstore.com/stephanie martinez3265
 
or Contact Stephanie through her blog at Babes Rockin Mami




**all opinions expressed are my own and I was not compensated in any way other than the use of products for the purpose of review.

Duck Porn

Every single time I walk past this particular piece of artwork in the hallway I dissolve into fits of giggles. Happy Hump Day Quackers....from my warped mind to yours!

KaChow Princess

52 Weeks of Happiness - Week 5

About 4 weeks ago Lil Duck and I started our herb garden. She decorated some pots...she picked out stickers and I LOVE that she chose both CARS stickers and Disney Princesses. She is such a well rounded dirt lovin DuckPrincess! We got REALLY dirty and put a little soil in the pots while we were at it, dropped in some seeds and watered them daily.

She has been SO excited to see them sprout and grow. We check them daily and water them together. When they are big enough we'll replant them outside in our deck garden. For now, we feed them love and water and sunshine on the kitchen table. We have 6 rockin pots total! And she is super excited to be able to start cooking with her basil, rosemary, parsley and mint!

Put Your Pants On and the Winner Is

Fantastic weather over the weekend and out-of-this-world moments has me scrambling to recharge my braincells (what few functioning I have remaining) this Monday morning. I will pass along my fragments to you....

Randomness 1:
Dear People at Work:

I’m the one who cranked the fridge to COLDEST. I don’t care for my food to be luke warm with an extra side of salmonella. Get over it.

Randomness 2 – Sometimes we depend on others as mirrors in helping us define who we are. The less isolated I become, the more reflections I catch - the more I like who I see. Contrary to popular opinion they aren’t funhouse mirrors. Although sometimes that may be the reflection!

I’m finding this discovery spilling over into all facets of life so I figure I must be on the right track. A good feeling, I have to admit.

Randomness 3 - We had a few short storms move through over the weekend; a little thunder and lightning and some quick bursts of heavy rain. Lil Duck and I were snuggled in bed with the curtain open watching the rain. A big flash of lightning and she gets in my face and says “MOM! There was a BIG LIGHT FLASH! You HAVE to put your PANTS ON NOW!”

AND since you've just skimmed down to find out who won the Glow in the Dark Bubble bath...I'll tell ya....the Random Number Generator picked 28. That would be Raouslygirl!! Congrats woman! An email is on its way to you.

Madame Duckalicious At Your Service

I’m pretty sure that voodoo hoodoo schtuff isn’t so effective. There are persons that are still walking, talking and breathing with their arms and legs in the correct placement. Granted there may be complete strangers who are now crippled for life because my dumbass did something wrong but…..

Lets all chuckle at some ReDo Scopes and then go hit up a few more entries in my Birthday Giveaway before it ends tomorrow. If you’re new to the ReDo’s, I’ve taken actual horoscopes and rewritten them. Why? Because mine are better. Yes. It is that simple.

Madame Duckalicious is In:

“Be careful starting new projects under strange conditions. Somebody is prone to erratic behavior."

ReDo Scope: Don’t attempt waxing your own whoha when 4 out of 5 light bulbs in your bathroom are burned out.

“Others can not help but smile when interacting with you. You are energized, excited and vibrant.”

ReDo Scope: People aren’t smiling with you– they are laughing AT you! Switch got stuck on your vibrating panties again, didn’t they?! Ducktard.

“Someone’s ego or finances get in the way of a good time. If the problem can be handled immediately, please do so.”

ReDo Scope: no time like the present to dump the brokeass egotistical dick you’re dating. GO HAVE FUN!


For more ReDo Scope fun, check previous posts out HERE or HERE. 
You're Welcome.

WONDER WOMAN, I AM

Week 5

Yesterday, my student pulled out his American Justice League notebook...pointed to Wonder Woman and said "That's YOU Ms. Daffy...."  and saved himself yet again from being stapled to the bulletin board....


If you haven't entered my Birthday Giveaway GO HERE and DO IT! EASY to enter and everyone loves Glow in the Dark BUBBLES!

LETz DO IT

I kicked off the Birthday, Happy Born Naked Day, or the winner of the most unique of wishes "Happy Day You Ruined Your Mom's Vagina Day" weekend with a giveaway. If you haven’t entered, HIT HERE and go do it. Super easy and who wouldn’t love glow in the dark bubble bath?! Seriously. Used it over the weekend and the stuff ROCKS! I didn’t use YOURS… I had another bottle. *eyeroll* So DO IT!

Now on to the Bucket List… I didn’t come up with 32 but I am confident that most if not ALL of these can and will be accomplished by the time I am 35. Lofty goals but I am a determined Duck. In no particular order….

1. Run a Half Marathon

2. Be nominated for an Emmy

3. Give an Emmy acceptance speech

4. get my Conceal and Carry permit and become a proficient marksman

5. Shoot a PinUp calendar (as the subject, not the photographer)

6. get a memorial tattoo

7. Learn html/css code

8. Attend a Zumba conference/retreat

9. Sky Dive

10. Spend a summer traveling the US and visiting the National Parks

11. Travel outside the country (Mexico and Turks & Caicos don‘t count)

12. Increase my volunteer/charity work

13. slkjg907wkomdl slhgo9w08kdfhg6zw9bb2 *eyebrow wiggle*

14. Interpret for a Presidential state visit


Whats on your list? Please do share….I might wanna add it to mine!

Its My Party I'll Give Stuff Away If I Want To

Yeppers! Starting today I'm celebrating all weekend. Its my HAPPY BORN NAKED DAY weekend!

And I've bought something for YOU!

all together now AWWWWWWWWWWW Ducky! You're so sweet!

In celebration of me huffin and puffin out my candles and shoving cake in my piehole, I'm giving one lucky reader some..........

GLOW IN THE DARK BUBBLE BATH!!!

I know.....I'm Awesome!

TO ENTER

(leave ONE comment for EACH entry):

1. Be a BATCRAP follower (so if your email isn't enabled in your profile be sure to leave it in the comments or I won't have a way to contact you if you win)

2.Tell me why YOU are awesome ***IF YOU CHEAT AND TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LIKE ABOUT ME IT DISQUALIFIES YOU FOR THE GIVEAWAY!! IT *HAS* TO BE SOMETHING AWESOME ABOUT YOU  -read that again so you get it right.

3. Follow me on TWITTER (the little blue thingy on the side of your screen)

4. Tweet about the giveaway. Leave me a comment so I know and mention me in the tweet.

Do #2 and #4 as many times as you like. Winners will be drawn from entries using Random number generator.

GIVEAWAY ENDS  FRIDAY April 8th, 2011