It started off like a typical Monday. Half way into my commute to the inner city my whooha chugged my coffee. Yes… doesn’t everyone want a perky vagina to start their Monday? No? Yeah….me neither to be honest. Evidently that particular travel mug isn’t suppose to go in the dishwasher and
the ever lazy person I am always one to follow directions, I have routinely shoved it in the dishwasher. < Insert Travel Mug Fail Here>. The bottom started leaking and I had no idea until the burning sensation reach my crochital region <--yes, I know that isn’t a word. Work with me here.
When the nether regions start burning in what seems to be an arbitrary moment most people freak out (or I assume. I really don’t know for sure), and I did. However we aren’t talking STD’s and GNYO visits here. We are talking HOT COFFEE; Peppermint Mocha from Dunkin Donuts to be exact. *le sob* This should have been my early indication as to how the rest of my Monday was to play out. Mmmm nope. I must have eaten an extra serving of stoopid for breakfast.
Fast forward to work and a couple hours later, my blood sugar (yes, I’m a diabetic) is dropping the world is spinning and I’m blindly groping inside my monster work bag. My fingertips grasp the edge of some wrinkling foil sounding paper and my brain registers “Candy Bar ala Sugar”. I yank it, unwrap the end and go to
snarf it in one bite take a bite.
While someone somewhere may enjoy eating cotton, I do not. I hadn’t grabbed a sugar source at all but instead pulled the tampon out of the bottom of the bag. Welcome to my life. *sigh* Just par for the Monday course I suppose. The rest of the day fell along those same lines…one lovely folly after another. Yeah Me!
To add insult to injury, I stopped for a quick run in to a major retailer later in the evening. Ended up with a cart full of items including some Christmas gifts I hadn’t planned on buying yet but couldn’t pass up the prices. Headed to the check out line I reach into my pocket for my little coin purse and came out with a handful of pure fullblown P A N I C! It was gone. Dear Lord In Heaven. WHY?!
I stashed my cart in customer service and I’m sure they were really buying my “I left my purse in the car” story as I quite possibly looked full on PSYCHOTIC at that point. I stalked the parking lot, ripped apart my car, checked all my pockets ten thousand times over as if maybe it would magically appear if I patted myself down enough and I'm pretty sure I even looked skyward and
screamed mouthed WHY?!. Nothing….nada…empty.
All I can say today is THANK GOD IT IS NOT MONDAY!