Have you ever been so pissed you had no doubt your pinkie finger could easily become a weapon of mass destruction and you know it would bring you great joy to sphincter-ram your fist into a well deserving body?
Have you ever been so josen for chocolate you pulled an "oh! look dolly! A cute little squirrel on the deck!" and snatched the last Hershey kiss from the jar when your kid was trying to find the imaginary squirrel you just lied about and then blamed the dog when she turned back around and asked where her chocolate went?
Ever been so bloated you have no doubt you could've served as an extra life raft on the Titanic?
Ever been so worn out and achy from an intense workout (not because you're getting old) that you decide to take a bubble bath with your toddler? Whats the harm? She only honks your boobs every now and again and really its usually fun to play in the bubbles...she's pretty entertaining. Only this time, she gets a little over excited about being in the tub together and slips while pretending to be the Little Mermaid and you swear her big toe totally invaded your whoha.
Ever been so sleep deprived that you doze off at a red light while waiting for it to turn green....at noon...on a sunny day.....
Ever gotten up in the middle of the night to get a drink and bent down to pet the dog only to realize it was a pile of dark clothes?
Meh....me neither
35 comments:
I hope the bubbles were a result of the soap and not....well....you know.... *eye brow waggle*
i was with you up until the 'toe in the hooha' part.
OMG, this was hillarious, and not because I have done most all of them! LOL
I don't feel so alone now. You might not have done those things, but you did that for me. :)
talkativetaurus.com
Acutally, yes, except for the toddler part (since I don't have one, otherwise that's be a yea, too).
Even better? When you think an empty chair is the dog. Now that's love.
Nope! Not me! I don’t have good boobs to bonk on, I don’t take bubble baths, I don’t have a little leg leach to play with, and I only play with whoha’s - I don’t have one of my own (or I would be playing with it all day long.) I just fall asleep in my chair a couple times a day.
You have a God given talent of creating these genius lists.
You should be proud.
I can relate to quite a few of those.
I feel asleep in my car today while I was at the gas station waiting on the car to fill up.
I've never done that with the chocolate to my daughter.
Cuz I have boys. ;)
LMBO Daffy. I have never done any of those things (snicker, snicker)
Especially the chocolate one.
If I had a nickle for every toe in my whoha...
Yeah Baby, I am with ya!
Nice puppy---oops
Once I was so sleep deprived that I fell asleep sitting up on the couch holding my baby and my arms dropped and let his roll to the floor....
WHAT?
ok maybe you didn't do that one
that is all
My niece has just learned to give the chocolate up freely. She knows it's safer that way.
visions unto myself
Well at least it wasn't a pile of clothes with a dead body in it.
See?
It could be worse.
*grin*
Just. Peed. My. Pants!
HAHAHAHAHAH!
Bigmamacass sent me over here and I'm cracking up! Great post!
The last one. Yeah, the last one.
have a bubble bath with me instead. i can be just as romantic, what with the honking, and the little mermaid impressions, and the big-toe-in-the-whoo-ha-ing...
Yeah, me neither, too.
have you ever read something so funny you giggle snorted gin out your nose? Yea.. me too..
BWHAHAHAH the hooha got me..
Who me?? Well I neva! Lmao...hope the bath helped boo!!
You're always amusing. Of course, I like the second blurb the best. I can relate to all of it. Thank goodness I don't have a kid to steal chocolate from.
xoRobyn
omg, wtf. you crack me up. Good thing my coffee was gone, or you would have been writing about me suing your ass. :)
I just want to let you know that, even though I just discovered your blog last week, I already enjoy reading it out loud to my husband so the two of us can laugh hysterically.
*dies laughing* If I'd have been drinking something I have no doubt it would have sprayed my monitor. You come up with the best shit. Being a mother of a toddler myself, I know that none of that really happens ;) You're just that creative ;D
Now if you don't mind, I've learned my lesson and I'm off to enjoy a bubble bath A-L-O-N-E... how? Wait to take one until 3AM. Sleep deprivation is far better than woohah violation!
Why is it a bubble bath (which is supposed to be relaxing) while having a toddler in the tub seems like a bit of an oxymoron. Can you not put her in a closet for a few minutes?
I don't take baths with toddlers. They pee in the water. Ewww...
See??? That is exactly why I don't take baths with the Crazies!!! It's too risky! Husband has gotten in there and I've seen what they've done to him...NO THANKS!!!!
Oh, and get a coffee...you're a danger on the roads!
Bloated life raft? Yes. Been there done that. More often than I like to admit. Pet the dark clothes in the middle of the night? Ditto.
-Ally
I have so petted the laundry more times than I care to admit.
I've also stepped on dog crap, assuming it was only a sock too. That'll sure wake your ass up. And everyone else in the house too. Mommy hates poop between the toes, y'all.
funny you should mention it...just this morning I stole a munchkin. Littleb was like, "Where's my munchkin", and I was all, "I don't know. Did you ask Daddy?". Yeah, cuz that's the way I roll.
enjoyed all of "issues". fun! take care rose
LMAO. Thanks for the snort.
i am so far behind on my reader that I am almost embarrassed to say that I am just getting to something posted on the 9th...
and i almost dozed today, only it wasn't sunny. I am just sooo tired.
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