Friday, July 30, 2010

Own It Work It Love It

 I wanted to highlight piggyback off of a super cool post Adrienzgirl at Think Tank Momma did awhile back Own It Work It Love It. She issued a challenge and being one to rarely back down from a challenge (or dare...just ask the poor neighbor who ended up with a bare duck ass in his pool) I wanted to take it on here at the pond.

Zgirl insightfully shares...   "Owning who you are is difficult for so many people. Especially women. I have made it one of my top priorities as a mommy to teach my children to be comfortable with themselves for who they are and what they like. I can't tell you how many times I have told them "If you have to pretend to like things just so others will like you, then they don't really LIKE YOU do they?"

Her challenge is to come up with 15 things we love. I was a bit surprised at how narcissistic nd selfloving I am hard it was.

I LOVE being a mom. Its the single most phenomenal role I've ever played in life.

I LOVE that I do stupid shit that makes other people laugh....and I don't even try!

I LOVE Cherry pie

I LOVE that I snort when I laugh and it seems to be genetic!! Little Duck does it too!!!!!!!

I LOVE chaptstick/vasseline. "My lips hurt real bad" (in my best Napoleon Dynamite impression)

I LOVE summertime thunderstorms. There's just something about the heat, the lightening and the rain....(insert wet duck joke here)

I LOVE sarcasm.... Shocker, I know.

I LOVE driving.  Comeon y'all pick your jaw off the floor. I KNOW you've seen my rants about traffic and my extreme dislike of anyone else on the road when I am....but I really do like being behind the wheel.

I LOVE Zumba...something grand about shaking my tailfeathers.

I LOVE heels...the higher the heel the bigger the attitude. *snap snap snap* <---that's the sound of my bones as I faceplant cause I'm not all that graceful that was 10. I don't mind being a 10...or stopping at 10. I know Zgirl said 15, but when have I ever done something simply because someone else told me to? Double Dog Dares are a totally different story....

What makes You YOU? Whats on your list of loves?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Monday, July 26, 2010

Oh Dear God

So it's Monday....Memoir Monday to be exact. Link up with Big T at I Like to Fish and own your memories people!

The pond will be moving soon. To a new house (not a new blog) that is awesomely located right across the street from Sista. We cool like that. We can live that close and not kill each other....there may be an abundance of water balloons launched from windows, bananas in tailpipes, flaming dog shit on front porches and pranks to beat all pranks pulled on each other because we have an awesome relationship like that.

Sista and BIL lurve throwing bonfire parties on the weekends. The neighbors rock in that hood and sometimes share the fun of having fires. This particular time we were chillin in the driveway of Awsesomest Neighbor. The fire was low, the drinks well stocked and  Ducky was stretched out on the driveway looking at the stars (the Mother Ship promised me a fly by). It was peaceful...quiet...and someone was playing with my hair. Very relaxing and nice to know that it wasn't the sticky hands of a 2 year old threaded through my locks.

Or was it? At some point it dawned on me there were no hands close enough to me to have been messing with my hair. A bit hesitantly...and by hesitantly I mean ON THE VERGE OF TOTALLY FREAKING OUT....I asked..."Ummm....Awesomest Neighbor.....PLEASE tell me your cat is behind me playing with my hair..."

Awesomest Neighbor sits up and looks over at me.....shoots up off the driveway moving faster than a fat kid with a fork and a piece of cake. That in and of itself was a wee bit alarming....the silent horror movie scream playing across Awesomest Neighbor's face....yeah...that made me nearly piss myself. Not one to ask unneeded questions, I shot my ass up off that driveway as well.

"What? WHAT? Do I even want to know???? WHAT WAS IT?"

Awesomest Neighbor silently mouths "MOUSE" while hopping from foot to foot.


And another round of beers got passed around. Because really...with such trauma as that...EVERYONE needed another drink.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Its a Whole New World....but the same Stupid

First let me say that I'm thrilled to be back. I've missed y'all so very much!! I'll be making rounds as time permits.

Normally Thursday's were reserved for Convos From the Hood. It is summer time (incase you hadn't noticed) and school is out. However the Duck is still freelance working. Lessons in stupid are not reserved for high school hall ways and between bells. Stupid is EVERYWHERE including the most uppity of business settings!

I've learned while out working in corporate America that the quality of toilet paper is in direct proportion to the company's profit margin. If you're taking sandpaper to your labia, ya might wanna rethink buying stock options.

I would suggest that if you are going to sleep through a mandatory work/training session, it be the one that is presented by a blind person. If you haven't a tendency to snore, you're in the clear!

FYI - a paperclip necklace doesn't exude an aire of professionalism or automatically pigeon hole you into the part of a 'Corporate America playah' means you're cheap.....or 5.....or both.

Also, picking up a chick while in the unemployment office probably isn't the smartest idea. YOU don't have a job....SHE doesn't have a job....and it ain't real classy to suggest you work the corner together before grabbing a dollar hotdog from the gas station. But maybe I'm just a snob....

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

WW and Doin Good in Tha Hood

Wordless Wednesday
RIP dearest laptop. I'll always have fond memories...

And since it's a double dippin kind of week I'd also like to direct your attention to That One Mom at the Only Parent Chronicles who is highlighting Doin Good In Tha Hood.

As life closes in around us, we often lose sight of the bigger picture. There are such amazing healing therapeutic benefits in helping others. That One Mom asks " you do good for others or for your community."

◦What kind of random acts of kindness do you do?

◦Have you ever paid it forward? How?

◦What will you do today that will make someone smile?
Think and do and link up or leave a comment at her pad. Show and tell about the light of goodness you help spread. Renew the faith that there are good, kind, caring people in world. Lord knows you ain't gonna find that kinda folk here in this pond! All that touchy feely shit.
JUST KIDDING! I actually enjoy Random Acts of Kindness immensely! No really! I do.....damnit, stop snickering and shaking your head. For instance (YES! I have real life examples) if I stop for coffee of a morning I almost always pay for the person behind me. SEE I can be nice. I even smile too....teeth and all! 
What do YOU do? 

Monday, July 12, 2010

You Don't Say

So I finally managed to figure out how to view the keywords that when googled pulls up the pond. I know….not the smartest duck on the water. However I am the most jolly. Got a helluva guffaw out of some of the inquiries. Seems the pond is quite the happen’ place for horny people…or cat lovers….or pansyass dumbsharts, or horny pansyass dumbshart cat lovers. The most popular word in searches was pussy….imagine that. The second runner up was crazy…..makes me proud!

Here are the best of the best:

1. butt glue - so I googled these two words in images.....and lucky you! I'm going to share with you what I found......


2. Bushy women take a shit - I'm SO NOT going to google this one. Use your imagination.

3.Crazy Boobies - as opposed to sane ones?

4. Crazy naked shit - now that's my kinda fun!!! Double Duck dares anyone?

5. Daily Dose of Shizzle - well duh! Welcome to my corner of the world.

6. Didn't take a shit in 3 days - well hell! that's what I'd called boulder butt and that makes a body grumpy! MORE FIBER people

7. Whistling Boobs - is that like a stupid human trick? is it learned? A boob job gone bad? Or just some dumbass standing on a street corner.... So I googled it and this is what came up.....

8. Bony pussy came up several times too and I'm not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole.

Happy Craptastic Monday Quackers!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

No Clue What Its Called but its good! EAT IT

Think Tank Momma

I haven't had much of an appetite lately and I sorta miss eating. Strange, I know...and because I like to graze I'm linking up today with the appetizer party posts. Share a lick with Think Tank Momma in SaS Thursday.

Some kind of dip/scoop thingie....real professional I know. Just call it that Daffy Dip Crap,  mmmmK?

1 can diced tomatoes – drained

1- 4oz container of Feta Crumbles (I use Athenos Natural Feta Cheese crumbled with Basil and Tomato)

¼ cup of black olives

2 handfulls of chopped green onion

1 tbs of dried Oregano

½ of a lime – juiced

3 Tbs fresh basil – chopped

Mix all ingredients in bowl and refrigerate for about 4 hours. The longer it marinates the better it tastes. Perfect for making the day before or the morning of….

Best paired with a salty cracker....Triscuits or Multi Grain Wheat Thins....also REALLY great with Bagel Chips (my personal favorite).

Eat! Drink! Be MARY (or just drink and be Mary....sometimes drag can be fun!)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Stick It - FIRE!!!!!!!!!!

Feed Your Addiction! Duckalicious Style..... seriously, these things are life savers. IF ONLY I had actually used them today, I could've saved myself a lot of trouble...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Cinderella? PUH-LEEEASE

It's true, it's real and its mine. Own your memories people!

Plunk it out, hit up Big T for a linky-winky, grab the button and you're set.

Once upon a time in a land far far away there were three young girls. BigSis, Ducky and Sista. BigSis was a fair maiden of 13 with warm honey flaxen hair and the smarts of which all in the land coveted. Ducky, a strong, stubborn, 8 year old brown haired pixie with a boisterous laugh, high wattage smile and a blindsiding wit was the resident mischief maker. Rounding out the siblings was 5 year old, impressionable malleable, laid back, spontaneous, quick to laugh red headed Sista who as an adult likes to fancy herself akin to Cinderella. *PSHAW* whatever. Not our fault she was gullible….and her hair was the wrong color *sticks out tongue*.

Besides, Cinderella didn’t work for money….and Sista did. Often BigSis and I would bribe ask Sista to do our chores….pick up our room, dust, weed the garden…..wash windows, mow the lawn, do the taxes. She was quite the eager little girl to ‘help’ and ‘do things’ for the big girls. It really wasn’t like we were exploiting her because it is in the SISTERHOOD CODE that older siblings need to take full advantage of such stages in a younger sibling’s life. It was our duty.... Yeah…our duty. And we weren’t mean like Cinderella’s step sisters. THAT’S another thing. No STEP…just sisters. *sticks out tongue again* She had clean clothes…sometimes they even fit and we never made her scrub floors.

She was cheap labor…not our fault….it was her choice. Honestly! She should take responsibility for her choices there is far too little of that happening in the world these days.

It would go a little something like this:

“Sista…..ummm….would you pick up my dirty clothes please?”


“Oh comeon! Pllllleeeeeaaaaase?”


“I’ll pay you for it.”

“….how much?”

“Hmmm….I’ll give you ONE quarter or you can have FOUR shiny pennies.”

She ALWAYS went for the four shiny pennies…..she wasn’t stupid. FOUR is way more than ONE.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Looking Like A Fool

...Ducks on the pond
Ducks on the pond
Lookin' like a fool with Ducks on the pond....

Ummmhmmm...I don't really know what it means either but I'm sorta jonesn that what used to be Convos From The Hood on Thursdays isn't happenin' today. I am gathering some good stuff with my freelance gigs and I should have enough for a decent post soon.

In the mean time figured I'd let my dumbassiness hang out for awhile....

Halfway through my last Zumba class (don't know what Zumba is? You should be ASHAMED of yourself and you can click here) a wad of bills landed at my feet. At first I was totally flattered and shook my lumps (or is it humps? I can never remember...I just know one I have and the other I don't) with a little more oomph.  That is, of course, until I realized the wad of green fell outta my own pocket....

...and I was at the gym....

...narry a pole in sight...

That's it for today. Short and sweet. Doesn't require a lot of verbage to share my stupidity with y'all.