Friday, April 30, 2010

A Wiener and Disasters

The awesome Waffle Iron giveaway wiener is none other than the FABULOUSNESS we all know and LOVE

.


One of the entry options for the giveaway was to share a culinary disaster. Of all the *snort* worthy entries, here are my favs:

MommyLovesStilettos said...
I don't tweet ( i know, i know!)...but I've had many culinary mishaps. When I was 19 and in my first apartment I attempted to have my parents over for dinner. I made hamburger helper (LOL) and I got distracted and it burnt so bad that it was stuck to my brand new skillet. I threw the skillet out back and ordered a pizza before they showed up. My stepdad went to trash outside in the backyard and found my skillet still steaming in the snow :) I will NEVER live that down!

adrienzgirl said...
Worst kitchen disaster wasn't mine, I am quite gifted in the kitchen...
However, one time at work this girl I worked with wanted a boiled egg for lunch. She put an egg in a bowl of water and turned the microwave in the office on for 15 minutes. It exploded and blew the fucking door off the microwave hinges. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING! We were lucky there was no one in the kitchenette when it happened. It sounded like a freaking bomb went off! And the smell? OH EM GEE!

The Queen said...
No egg choco cake.. easy peesy..

it takes one T vinegar

I was about 14
tasted batter,, spit it out and called to mother.. she's tasted it.. spit it out and said what did you do?
she read the recipe.
1 cup flour yep
1/2 cup oil yep
1 cup sugar yep
1 T vinegar.. yep.. wait.. what did you say... shit. I put 1 cup of vinegar in it..

We dumped it in the back yard. it sizzled... all these years later.. there is a bare spot in the yard.. it was bad!

Tgoette said...
Culinary disaster was accidentally dumping way too much hot sauce in the chili. Tasted like napalm. No one would eat it, but I did because I suffer my mistakes.

That was back when I still had taste buds of course.


ON a side note, have you been feeling LOST about LOST? Well Duckalicious found a guru to ask and she has been answered. CLICK HERE to head over to The Technical Parent and see what you've been missing...or not.....it could save you a LOT of time.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Convos From The Hood - Say WHAT?!


There is rarely a dull moment when one works
 in an inner city high school.
Join me for a snap shot of what happens
Monday through Friday between the bells.


Lenny: “Give me a stun gun and duct tape and call it a day! Imma gonna fuck somebodys up!”
--------------------------------------
Bossman (via text): Still downtown trying to get trained on new time sheets. Dunno if I am gonna be back at our school.

Daffy (via text) Ok. No prob Bob. We cool here bro. Wurd

Bossman (via text): Dang! Ghetto much?? U need to stop w ur blog. Its rubbing off on your text messages.

Daffy (via text): Suck it white boy
------------------------------
Joseph: …she’s all ‘you’re down ½ a credit….I’m like shutthefuckup lady! It’s ½ a credit. Its not like I’m down 30 credits. They’ll still graduate me…just watch.
--------------------------------
Girl to teacher: Who wrote Anne Frank?
--------------------------------
Keisha: Ms. Daffy, how do you sign 'queef stain in the mouth?'
-------------------------------

T Minus 24 Days and counting until the end of the school year..... I Think I Can,
I Think I Can,
I Think I Can...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

How To Cope With A Blogging Coworker or Fake Tans and Muscles

What started out as a bonding session between my two office mates on how to cope with my fame and their jealousy quickly turned into…well…here’s the transcript:


Her: You going to blog posts while at your weekend thing?

Me: I wasn’t going to take my laptop

*Simultaneously* Her: GASP Bossman: GASP

Bossman: That’s like being an FBI agent with no badge…no sunglasses. Speaking of sunglasses…you better take yours, Daffy. It’ll be like Twilight up in there…’why is everyone so pale and sparklie in here?’ If you really wanna mess with them go get a fake tan before you go. *laughing* Get some of those spray-on muscles too. When you walk in they’ll be whispering, “….THAT’S Daffy?! She’s tan….and works out?! You SURE she runs a blog?”

Her: Will all of the 300+ followers you have be there?

Me: *shaking head...they just don't get it* No, not all of the followers will...

Bossman: ...No! Wait! You don’t understand…she’s a responsible blogger. It’s like a puppy you know? My dog shits on your lawn and I run to scoop it up…you know, to be nice. So does Daff with comments. Someone says “LOL U so snarky” and she jumps on her laptop to reply,
 “…Oh! Thank U 4 the snarks *giggle*glitter*lols”

Me: Ass

So heads up my fellow TAR attendees…I may be the last to arrive but you will know me by my tan and spray on muscles.

ummm....my hair is a little shorter and I'm not sure who this guy is

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

GWA - If I Only Had The Power to Zap Vehicles

Unleash that Attitude and share your Gratitude!


Think Tank Momma

Dear Fucktard with a Driver’s License DMV Flunkie:
Everyone knows *eye roll* that those curve warning signs with a speed limit underneath are merely a suggestion. When it says 35mph it really means 50mph is okay. Trust me. I know. I’ve tested the theory over and over and over and over and OVER again and nothing adverse has happened to me.

Zippit! Thee doth protest too much! I KNOW your turd sized compact has a gas pedal…it was NOT manufactured circa the Flintstones era. Still a little speshal? It’s the little pedal on the right – smash it or I’ll smash you!

I Should Run the DMV!
~Duckalicious


Dear Stupidass That Is Myself:
When you heard the rattle and turned the radio down, that was an acceptable action. When you craned and strained and concentrated to locate the source, that was an acceptable action. When you cursed automakers from here to China and back at the fact that Harriet is only a little over a year old and not even a freakin GMC so she should run just fine for longer than a year and a half without developing a strange rattle when turning corners and damned if something happen to this vehicle the week you are suppose to drive to St. Louis, Missouri to meet some of the most awesomest bloggers in the world, that was a justifiable reaction.

When you realized upon exiting your vehicle that there was a small orange plastic ball, which Girlie left behind, rolling too and fro on the floor mats as you turned corners at warp speed, you were right to feel stupid. You are stupid.

Slap your forehead again…this time harder.

The Dumbassness That is Myself
~Duckie

Monday, April 26, 2010

Jose Can you Sing?

It's true, it's real and its mine. Own your memories people! Plunk it out, hit up Big T for a linky-winky, grab the button and you're set.


...“*cough* shit, I just inhaled a gnat...”

...“Don’t step on the white lines. Its bad luck.”

...“Don’t trip and face plant, people are watching.”

...“OMG, what if I throw up and how will they clean it off the grass?”

…don’t look up. Pay no attention to the people. Deep breath, watch for your cue….”

some woman with a clipboard and headset...“You’re on in 3…..2……go”
So began my ‘15 minutes’, or rather 180 seconds, of fame. It felt like 10 years standing somewhere between Home Plate and the Pitcher’s mound in the suffocating, sticky July heat of the Midwest. It was anyone’s guess as to whether it was sweat running down my legs or if I was in fact peeing myself. If I had thighs at the age of 17 I am sure they would’ve been firmly suctioned together at this point.

I so dearly wish no one had shared the fact that of all the home games our major league baseball team played that season, this particular game happened to have the highest attendance. Somehow I managed to find the faces of Papa Duck and Momma Duck which did nothing to calm the nerves. I was so afraid I would forget the words. Can you imagine standing in front of 20,000 fans and blanking on the words to your country’s National Anthem? If it happened to someone, it sure as hell would’ve happened to me! I will forever be grateful to the Navy vet seated right behind the dugout; his wink and smile set me at ease long enough to remember the words.

Much like a first bedroom romp, it was over before I realized it and I was being shuffled back through the bowels of the stadium and directed to my ‘General Admission’ seat. Evidently being selected to open a major sporting event with the National Anthem warranted nothing more special than a pat on the back and a seat so high up that with the first home run I gave God a high five. It was amazingly cool to see my name plastered all over the jumbo screen over the stadium. Much MUCH cooler than seeing it on the bathroom wall, and of course I have the memory and experience.

Have 15 Minutes of fame you wanna brag about share? Grab Travis’ button and link up with your Memoir….or share here at the pond. Today happens to be Big T's moment in the Spotlight, The Tyra Banks show!

Haven't entered my giveaway? Flippin SLACKER! Click on any of these big words and enter. Its super easy!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Iron THIS you Waffle Head

*Tap tap*

*testing one two three*

*testing*

Is this thing on? Do I need to hook up some speaker stands? Not to be confused with keg stands....that comes later.... please help me warmly welcome today's feature (cue canned applause)



Bake delicious waffles fast with this gleaming stainless steel Cuisinart Classic Waffle Maker.

That's right y'all! In celebration for Duckalicious finally getting twatted, I'm doing a giveaway! This comes to you from CSN stores - details for entering are below. As for me getting twatted....yes, I have finally joined the ranks of you Twitter freaks and gawd it feels good. Special thanks and shoutouts to Travis at I Like To Fish for hookin a duck up. You can now follow me on Twitter now @daffybccrazy.

Now, on to the free shit. To enter:
  •  Kiss my quack by becoming a Quack Follower -mandatory entry (because it makes me feel special)
  • ummm.....Tweet about it! Suhweet! Yup yup, extra entry for telling me about your Twat!
  • And if you are still among those who don't Tweet, share your fav culinary disaster in the comments below for an extra entry.
*A Separate Comment For Each Entry PLLLLLEEEASE. KTHX*

 ....and that's it. K.I.S.S......Keep It Simple Stupid.......so next week on Thursday April 28th, I will use the Random Number generator and pick a winner. Be sure your email is enabled on your profile or leave me an email addy in the comments section so I can reach out and pinch you let you know you've won.

Product Deets:
$39.99 retail value
Features:
  • Bakes one large traditional-style waffle
  • Five-setting browning control
  • Regulating thermostat
  • Red and green "ready to bake/ready to eat" indicator lights
  • Nonstick baking plates
  • Brushed stainless steel housing

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Convos From the Hood - Fo Shizzle

Convos From the Hood
Vol. 14
Fo Shizzle
 

There is rarely a dull moment when one works
in an inner city high school. 
 Join me for a snap shot of what happens Monday through Friday between the bells.

Coach: I can sort of cook a little.
Daffy: Ramen noodles and boiling water don’t count
Coach: *shudder* I don’t do Ramen. I went to my bro’s house for dinner. My sister in law made ghetto spaghetti.
Daffy: Imma fraid to ask
Coach: Ramen noodles with chopped up hotdog
Daffy: I don’t want to hear any more *gag*
------------------------------------------
Cody: Is that your real name? Daffy?
Me: Nope. Its my stage name. *SNAP SNAP* Haaaay!
Cody: *eye roll*
--------------------------------------
Inastar: I asked her what her name was and she said “Ha”. I said, “Whatchew laughn bou? I just axe what you name?”. She said, “Ha”. *shaking head* Weirdass Chinese names….
-----------------------------------
Keisha: WHAT?!?! You don’t like fried Oreos? You are NOT black!
--------------------------------
Daffy: We have a tornado drill this period – fyi.
Boy: We go outside?
Daffy: No, that’s a fire drill. This one is a tornado drill.
Boy: Okay, so we’re going outside? It’s raining.
Daffy: No. We meet in the basement behind the lockerroom…
Boy: We’re doing a fire drill?
Daffy: Yes. Be sure to hold your breath. The WHOLE.TIME.

With prom and graduation right around the corner, there are bound to be good moments to report back to you. I even considered voluntering to work Prom just so I could share the experience with you all. Of course, then I walked out of the green haze and found my sanity. I love you all but I'm not sure I love you THAT much.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ummm....maybe you shouldn't

My great friend and super hot buddy Erin at The Mother Load has posted quite a bit about her efforts to Go Green and live everyday in a more Earth friendly way. Of course her admirable efforts make me think….usually about the time I’m ripping off the 14th paper towel to use to wipe off the Mess Monster (formally known as Girlie). Sorry Erin, I am a paper towel whore….

Introspection usually comes about when the old Duck noggin starts to work…while tossing paper, plastic and aluminum all in the same garbage can and laughing maniacally (eh, its cheap thrills….stop judging) I began pondering what items one would NOT want to reuse.

Boobie Implants – yes, apparently Sharon Ozborne has decided she no longer wants to keep hers. Upon having them removed she has publicly relegated them to the new position as paper weight. All together now...EWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Urine Specimen cups – you know the kind you pee in at the Doc’s office? Even if you wash them really well, I just don’t think using them as ‘wash the toothpaste out after you brush’ cups is such a great idea. Not really good for shooting Tequila either.

Toothpaste – just thinking about this makes me gag. If you scoop the extra plops out of the sink and save it for another day, don’t even BREATHE in my direction – and just for the record, that isn’t being Green…that’s called being a flippin CHEAPASS!

Q-Tips – once you’ve used them to swab that nasty earwax outta yo dirty ears, it is NOT advisable to reuse the Q-Tip for anything and especially not to clean wayward mascara smudges from under the eye. That initial contact between tongue and Q-Tip for moisture….um…yeah….GAHROSS! (and yes, I speak from experience).

Condoms – thats just disgusting and I will say no more on that subject *shudder*


What would make your list of DO NOT REUSE?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Ever take a shit in the woods?

It's Monday...meh....I'm lapping at the toilet with the cool kids and Ian at The Daily Dose of Reality. Since he is the p to my imp I thought we'd do the Monday Minute. Answer the following questions, grab the button and link up. He's even got that cool Mr. Linky thingie madewy...really cool....do it. I dare you! If you're lazyuninspiredcantstilltootiredtothink like me you can just answer them in my comments section and Ian can read them when he pops by.


Monday Minute



1 - Ever take a shit in the woods?

If by taking a shit in the woods you mean stopping at a gas station to use the deplorable public restroom while pinching my nose and praying I don't touch or see unidentifiable liquids....yes I have taken a shit in the woods.

2 - If you won $1,000, what's the first thing you would do with it besides give me a cut?
You want a haircut Ian? I can do that...even without winning $1,000. IF I did win...I think I would buy some new clothes or maybe a pony. Girlie woud love a pony.....

3 - What's your favorite phrase?
Its  not so much a phrase as a hand gesture combined with a facial expression...does that count?


4 - Fill in the blank - the world would be a better place if ______ left the planet.
Tsk tsk....I shall not incriminate myself.

5 - How do you take your coffee or tea?
Naked and it damn well better be on time.

You're turn!

GO

Friday, April 16, 2010

Nuggets

Nuggets….not be confused with nuegets because that’s the filling in yummy candybars and stuff. And mmmm…candy bars. Sounds so good to a twigs and berries health food junkie….yes…even health food junkies crave a little creamy chocolate oooey gooey caramel and nueget….


Sorry MAJOR digression there. And NO I'm not PMS'ing. Suckyouverymuch

Its been yet another head firmly planted in my ass week here at the pond. Please accept my humble apologies for not being on top of Blogonia and making my presence known. I can and will because we all know this Duck can’t keep her mouth shut share with you some nuggets I learned this week.

If at first you don’t succeed, kick something, slam a door, curse like a sailor, spend some money, buy new lip gloss and take a nap. Try again? Meh…let someone else try….
~
If you wrestle a bear on Thursday, by Friday morning you’re going to feel like you’ve been wrestling a train.
~
Indication #1 that hubs has finally read your blog?

Him: “How about a foot rub tonight?”

Me: “WHAT? Heck ya!” (why oh WHY would anyone turn down a foot rub?)

…then comes….”I think you should blog about this…..”
Everyone waves at hubs! *Hi Dear!*
~
The number of dumbsharts on the road is in direct proportion to how many hours of sleep you are lacking. Not for the first time I’m thinking y’all should be thankful I don’t drive an armed car….yes…I live in a conceal and carry state. Do I have good aim? Depends....have I been drinking?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Convos From The Hood - Lucky Thirteen edition

Convos From the Hood
Vol. Lucky Thirteen
There is rarely a dull moment when one works
in an inner city high school. 
 Join me for a snap shot of what happens Monday through Friday between the bells.

Boy: I didn’t cuss. Bullshit isn’t a cuss word.
Girl: Yes, it is.
Boy to me: Is it?
Me: I don’t allow my kids to say it.
Boy: …but is it a cuss word?
Me: Technically the “bull” part isn’t but ‘shit’ is.
Boy: but it’s a compound word. So doesn’t the bull negate the shit?
Me: *shaking head*
Boy: No? It’s still a cuss word? Oh….
------------------------------------
Chris: Give me a bottle and a little motor and I’ll make you a helicopter.
-----------------------------------
Bossman: I wouldn’t pick a fight with her and she’s got only one good arm.
----------------------------------
Donisha: Psst! Ms. Daffy, Jon and Kate plus 8.
Me: What?!
Donisha: Jon and Kate Plus 8…..you look like her.
Me: ummmm….okay
---------------------------------
Lenny: If you just wanna hurt someone real bad, not kill ‘em, but fuck ‘em up? Give them a bunch of paper cuts and soak ‘em in lemon juice…..a tub of it.
---------------------------------
Girl: Stop poking me. It’s a bone! There’s not suppose to be meat there.
Boy: Is that yo rib?
Girl: You stupid! That’s my HIP BONE.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

GWA - HOOTERS!!

Unleash that Attitude and share your Gratitude!


Think Tank Momma



Dear Economy:

A few weeks ago I was convinced that because of your less than stellar standing the light at the end of the tunnel had been permanently extinguished. I drank some coffee (that I made at home because Starbucks is assplundering to the worst extent) and realized that it was merely some fatass blocking the sun the onset of Day Light Savings Time. Imagine my relief….

Until yesterday.  I was making a few stops prior to picking up Girlie from my sisters. I happened to drive past Hooters. You KNOW times are tough when you have to hawk a chicken wing.

Its become common place to see that stupid Statue of Liberty costume or the obnoxious Uncle Sam dude waving people towards some tax prep businesses while hip grinding the lamppost to the overly loud ipod plugged into his ears (which somehow he could afford). I’m not knocking the actual employee because hey…it’s a job…it pays green…green is good….except on bread.

So I’m driving (this is where the chicken wing comes into play incase the food whores were singularly focused on how the hell a hot wing plays into this) What do my wondering eyes see but a top heavy, highly uncoordinated, orange and white stick with lumps…HULA HOOPING on the corner.

Yes.

Hooters has expanded to working the corner.

Spankyouverymuch for searing that image in my brain.

On a totally different but same note, do you need a pimp?
~Duckalicious

Monday, April 12, 2010

Lets Try This Again

So last Monday I participated in Memoir Monday hosted by Travis at I Like To Fish. However I must've had my head underwater when the notice went out that MM was cancelled last week. I posted my Memoir anyway because my grandestriendinthewholeworld heisadoucheerlikethat pal Travey didn't holler at me about it until mid morning last Monday. And that was just to make fun of me for being ugly and not able to read. That's what friends are for, right?!?

From what I hear this is spreading like Jenna Jameson.

Or not

Either way, for those who were lucky enough to hit me early enough in the morning last week, you've already read about my undies. Sorry....for those that haven't....read on....then jump ponds and tell Big T what a gem he is.



Once upon a time, when a certain little Duck turned 5 she was gifted the most awesome set of Barbie underwear (tank and under roos!). She wore them constantly requiring multiple washings during which she would patiently camp infront of the washer and dryer just waiting....

The weekend following birthday festivities was a daytrip to a local lake and national park. Stupid older sister of little Duck ate jelly beans all the freakin' way there....the whole stinkin time we were there....and part of the way home. I say only part of the way home because around mile marker 72 Stupid Older sister puked setting off a chain reaction. (probably important to note that it was SUPERFREAKIN think swampass hot that day and our jalopy caddy was experiencing some A/C difficulty...hence the riding around in my undies. I still use that excuse btw)

Father Duck cranked his window down and drove with his head hanging out, pooch style, gaggin with every third tire rotation. Frantic Mother Duck (with a cast iron stomach) attempted triage from around the front seats. Little Duck gagged.

Swallowed


Gagged



Heaved

and spewed


ALL.OVER.BARBIE. UNDERWEAR

*Insert tears and hysterics here*

I still beam Stupid Older Sister with Jelly Beans any chance I get and remind her how she tried to destroy my most prized set of panties. The hag.

I've also upgraded....I'm firmly seated in the Barbie is a Bitch camp and I now sport Wonder Woman underroos....

Have you a favorite birthday memoir?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Convos From the Hood - Vol. 12

Convos From the Hood
Vol. 12
There is rarely a dull moment when one works
in an inner city high school. 
 Join me for a snap shot of what happens Monday through Friday between the bells.

Boy: Hey! What class do you have next?

Girl: uh…writing and shit….whatever subject that is.
------------------------------
Ashley: Ms. Daffy you’re always texting on yer phone. Is it your husband?

Daffy: Nope. Strange men.

Ashley: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? *giggle*

Daffy: It’s Father M.

Ashley: You text your priest?

Daffy: Don’t you? I have a lot to confess
------------------------------
Standing at my office door….

Kyle: Ms. Daffy, I know you have some food in there. Hook a brother up!

Daffy: Sorry Kyle. I didn’t even bring anything for me….

Kyle: psht…man…what the hell do I keep you around for?

Daffy: EXCUSE ME?!

Kyle: *smiling* I said see ya around!
---------------------------
Marcus: You know why Magic Johnson has lived so long with HIV/Aids? Because he booboos…..frequently (booboo means poop y'all....FYI)
------------------------
S: whatchew laughing at?

K: You

S: Why?

K: cause you ugly

…ahhh…teenagers….if you let up on strangling them long enough for them to breathe, they might say something funny…

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Butt Glue

Intrigued?

Find me guest posting at another pond....click HERE and be magically transported to Travis' blog I Like To Fish.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

GWA - Whistling Boobies

Think Tank Momma

Have a few words you'd like to share? Give a holla to Adrienzgirl at Think Tank Momma. You can link up with the rest of us thankless Thankful folk and we'll share in the therapeutic cleansing ritual of giving thanks. Let us begin....


Dear Emotionally Stunted Dumbass Student:

Thank you for demonstrating the vast range of your whistling skill set. It was quite impressive listening to Pop Goes The Weasel for 25 minutes. Who needs reading, math and problem solving skills? Whistling will open many doors for you.

Here’s the thing kid….if you don’t knock that shit off Imma rippin your ‘whistle’ right off your face and shoving it in your ear!

Thankyouforknockingthatshitoff
Duck With Wicked Fast Hands



Dearest Victoria’s Secret Fitting Room Attendant:

I have had boobs longer than you have been alive. I do not need a fitting from you. I did not really need a 40DD….its called a joke. I did not truly try on the thong I took into the fitting room with me, please pick your chin up off the floor. AND just for the record, my name is not really Puddin and I honestly don’t give a flyin shart that your young perky boob self is named Ashley.

Help Someone Who Needs It
The Old Ass Duck

Want more of me? You can also find me posting HERE  today at Lessons Learned . A million thanks to Working Mommy for sharing her blog today.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Stickman Visits the Pond

That's right people....be jealous....its okay. I don't mind.
THE funny man Ed, from Ed's Funny Pages sent me a special birthday gift. One of his famous Stickman adventures.

I know, right?!?

How stinkin' lucky am I?


(click to enlarge....its worth it!)

Evidently Memoir Monday has been post poned this week and since I was on spring break last week and celebrating the birth of one of the most influential women in the history of Blogonia a certain someone I missed the announcement.
So, if you notice in the comments below that people are talking about something in which you have no clue, its because I removed the Memoir part of today's post. Imma dumbass....guess thats what I get for not being present much last week. So, scroll back up and click on Stickman. It's funny shiz!
Thank you again Ed. I love it!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Win a Laptop, Help a Blogger Blogfia Style

The Blue Zoo
My super fabulous friend Stephanie has had a rough time recently. Her father has fallen ill and been teetering on the edge for about 4 weeks now. After some scary time in the ICU and then a move to an acute care facility, good news was passed down the line today. Daddy Blue Zoo is coming home! Its an amazing Easter blessing.

So why am I telling you this and how is the laptop invovled??? There are more details on Stephanie's blog (click her button above) but the nitty gritty of it is this: in order to help cover medical costs and work time loss (as he still has a long way to go with recovery) a raffle is being held. Daddy Blue Zoo's work had banded together and purchased an brand spankin new laptop to give away. This awesome show of support is being extended to blogland. For just $5 you buy 6 chances at winning. The donation chip is below and will walk you through the steps. What is $5? Forgo your Starbucks today, what do you say?
From my pond to yours, let us all show the Blogfia support...family is family y'all!
Thank You!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

It's NOT a Star Wars Convention, Asshat

My supervisor, who really is a cool guy and the brother I never had, is an ass. We have a lot of fun together…sharing a similarly warped sense of humor we keep ourselves in stitches and wet britches. Yeah…he makes me laugh til I pee…

So recently while dishing and munching bagels, the soon to happen TAR Blog Round up makes the topic list. Said supervisor is constantly giving me shit for ‘blogging about my ideals’ (thanks Twix commercials) and the following conversation monologue comedy sketch ensued:

Him: …you’re going to a blogging convention? WTF? A bunch of sarcastic pasty pale people who live in their mother’s basement……getting together….and you’re PAYING to go to this?

“OH! He squeeees… It’s Sarah! Sarah from Sarah’s Snarky Sprinkles blog!(he made that up so if Sarah, you‘re real? Sorry)…..do you recognize me? Its Urgbert, from Urgbert’s Eggplants!……Sarah you look a little different…I almost didn’t recognize you with that facial hair…but yeah! So good to finally meet you….”

Me: Har har har…ass

Him: speaking to an invisible audience…Did you see her flare her nostrils? She was getting like 80% more oxygen like 2 minutes ago. You kind of looked like Mr. Ed…..

Me: At least I don’t drive 5 hours just to dig in the dirt for rock shards….boarrrring!

Him: “It’s Arrowheads and its history. There is history involved…that makes it cool.”

Me: “Blogging is Social Networking! I‘m making friends. People LIKE me. I am MAKING history.”

Him: “Social networking? *snort* YOU HATE PEOPLE! Your blog bitches about all the people you hate!”

…shows what he knows. My spewing is not nearly so singularly focused…I‘ve branched beyond just people….