Saturday, January 30, 2010

I'm Bionic! - For Four Days

I don't talk about it often here on the blog although you'll find mention of it over at Lose It Bitches blog. I am an insulin dependant diabetic. This week I took part in a study using an iPro Continuous Glucose (that's sugar btw) Monitoring device in an attempt to get a better idea of just how this disease affects my body. I won't bore you with a bazillion details/statistics, which I could easily spout off, nor any sap stories.
(this has been attached to me for four days now)
What I would really like to do is direct you to Jeff at Badly Drawn Monsters. He is participating in Tour de Cure hosted by the American Diabetes Association. The tour has varrying lengths in which Jeff can/will be riding his bicycle. This fundraiser will help the 23.6 + million Americans who suffer from diabetes and the 57+ million at risk for developing diabetes , in the hope that future generations can live in a world without this disease.

Jeff is also offering up his jersey for advertising space! If you are interested, or know someone who might be (what a great way to pimp your blog!!!!!!) Make a donation, help Jeff reach his goal, and pimp yourself out on his back!

I'm super jealous that Jeff is riding this year. I wish I could've trained to ride when the Tour reaches my own city. Alas, it just won't work this year. Next year FO SHO!

To visit Jeff's blog click here, even if you aren't interested in donating to the cause - he is a great blogger and you won't be disappointed!

HOWEVER - should you have an extra $5 (geez, that's like 2 candy bars people) toss it Jeff's way. It will add up fast!

HERE is where you should click to donate or find out more information about the American Diabetes Foundation.

Thanks for sticking around to read today's post. My usual Snarky self will be back on Monday with the ever so popular Memoir Monday!

Ride Safely Jeff and thanks for being such a ROCK STAR and supporting a great cause!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Fortuitous Friday

After sharing with a friend that I was on the look out for a new personal note generator, the link to these stupendous fortune cookies found its way to my inbox. I had a little fun with time I use it, I shall endeavour to invoke more snarktastic sass. Feel free to click the link and use them for your own  enjoyment. I am not the creator of the generator nor do I own the rights to it but should you all want to see this again next Friday give me a holler. I'll be happy to create a link list for it! Have fun - be free - laugh often - crap in a sock - go fishing - just enjoy your time whatever you do.  Don't take life too seriously or you'll never get out alive! (Thanks Travy for that one *wink)

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at Fortune-Cook

Make Funny Fortune Cookies Pictures at

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Confessions of a Addict

Top Five Indications You May Be Addicted to your BlackBerry:

You hit a pothole while driving through your neighborhood and you think shit was that a kid?

You’re reading your chat to your toddler trying to convince her it really is a book there just aren’t any pictures

You punch ignore on the 10 calls from your hubs so you can keep chattin on the BB (shhh! don't tell him)

You actually consider fashioning an antenna made from tinfoil to your head in hopes of getting a stronger cell signal so you don’t miss what’s happening on the bb chat…

You’re on the crapper and you hear your phone ding from another room and have the hubs bring you the phone because you don’t want to miss what’s happening on the chat (ahem...not that I've done this or anything. I've just heard of other people who have done it....)

If anyone knows of any kind of 10 Step program or anything, I'm open to suggestions...for my friend...I mean...who told me all about this...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Gratitude with Attitude - A Snarktastic Thankya

Gratitude with Attitude Tuesday - giving thanks one sarcastic snarktastic Thank You Note at a time. Have a few words you'd like to share? Grab the code and button below and give a holla to Adrienzgirl at Think Tank Momma. You can link up with the rest of us thankless Thankful folk and we'll share in the therapeutic cleansing ritual of giving thanks. Let us begin....
Think Tank Momma

Dear Time Warner Cable
You may or maynot be aware that anytime an error is made while punching in a specific channel, we are automatically directed to your Porn Pay Per View channel. The look on hubs face when I walked into the room as Pounding Hot Asian Ass popped onto the screen was simply priceless. Other than this random episode of hilarity your service sucks big hairy yellow nail curling toejam...justsayin

Still Tittering Three Days Hence
~ ~ ~

Dear Waitress at Chinese BARFet,

Thank you so very much for scaring the hell out of my child. She refused to eat her dinner, wanting only to be held. That meant I had to pay for a dinner I did not eat - which was no real loss. The food is gross.

Starving Momma

~ ~ ~
Dear NagHag CoWorker
Kindly refrain from sharing with me your unsolicited opinions. I thought the stank-eye was sufficent warning. Should you escalate this to the next level, I will be forced to crap in a sock and leave it in your desk.

The Last Stinkin Nerve
~ ~ ~
Dear Dumbass With the Vibrating Car
Thank you for waking my daughter up with your music. Does it really need to be that loud? I’ve no doubt a pink rabbit would give you the same effect not to mention protect your hearing. Vibrating seats are overrated, btw.

Searching for Sniper Rifle
~ ~ ~
Dearest Hubs
Thank you so very much for expressing concern at the possibilty of a cricket infestation. I can assure you that is not the case. I simply need to shave my legs. They do create a nice tone if I may say so myself. Do not worry...winter will be over soon.

~ ~ ~

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Yes, I admit, I Need Help

I know I can't possibly be the only one to wonder why the hell Hubs married me. We are well matched despite being night and day in most areas of life. I suppose the most important ones find us on the same soapbox (thank God for rebar reenforcements).

You've read the Convos from the Couch posts and some of the TMI in which dear Hubs has appeared. I've no doubt you've wondered how he hasn't jack slapped my smart ass mouth after reading the snarkiness I smack.

The point? Hubs has agreed to answer some questions. I know what I would ask...but what would YOU ask? Is there anything specific you'd like to know? (other than how he puts up with the great Duckalicious - I've already included that question)

I know interactiven (with followers) posts are rarely successful but I thought I'd try anyway....

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Convos From The Hood - My Girls Got My Back

This post's Hood Convo involves Coach who is becoming a regular playa in the Convos post series. It looks as though he will remain so through the end of the year as he is also on my class schedule for second semester. Whoop de doo! I usually holla at my BB Chat girls during his class as they are my support on and see how My Girls Got My Back...
**this convo takes place via BlackBerry Chat
Daffy: Its so cold in here I think coach's libido froze...he's leaving me alone now
Daffy: I just had a real life twss moment
Daffy: Popped right the hell out without even thinking about it
Daffy: Awwwwwwwkward!
Daffy: Lettme play it out for you

Kristin: Lol, yes?

Daffy: Its freezing in here and coach was tellin me he was gettin warm standing next to me
Daffy: I said really? Cuz look at my nails are purple
Daffy: My nose is numb
Daffy: Is it red? I bet its red
Daffy: He says, no but if I kiss just the tip...
Daffy: Aaaaand I say TWSS (that's what she said)
Kristin: Lol!

Daffy: Of all people and comments for that to pop out on!
Daffy: Doh...I don't want to encourage him

Kristin: Poor Daff...

Daffy: Yup! He says to tell you that if I wasn't married he would snatch me up like a scooby snack
Daffy: Not just one but the whole box
Daffy: He says I'm the egg to his mcmuffin

Kristin: Well, you tell him that it builds character wanting things you'll never have.

Daffy: He says that's a little slap in the face right there=))
Daffy: I lurve you dreamweaver!

Kristin: Argh, tell him to put on his big boy pants and deal

Brandee: Want in one hand, shit in the other

Kristin: Lol, which fills faster...

Daffy: Is it dog a brother day? Coach wants to know...

Kristin: Nah, its got our girl's back day
Kristin: Everyday
Kristin: Lol

Brandee: Dog a brother? Nah. More like whack the dawg

Daffy: You think he's Michael Vick?
Daffy: But if you need to know he's had all his shots
Daffy: ...He's standing right here
Daffy: Those his words

Kristin: Oh, if he were Vick, we wouldn't be playing nicely

Daffy: He says thank you

Kristin: Lol...

Brandee: he invading your space Ducky?

June: Can he fetch and lick his balls like all good dogs?

Daffy: Let me ask
Daffy: He says the right bone will make him lick and scratch –he ain’t up for no puppychow

Kristin: Who is he kidding.... Men aren't picky about their bones. They're just happy to get a bone.

Daffy: If ducky is the bone then he'd even put on his flea collar
Daffy: The milk bone
Daffy: I'm def a milk bone
Daffy: TWHS (that’s what HE says)

June: This would be a great post Daffy

Daffy: you know this is going on a post! Great minds June great minds

A huge thanks to all my BlackBerry Chat pals and the Harem! Your mobile humor propels me through my day and you sure know how to pull my sass out of jams! I'm totally addicted to you all! Oh and Ed....we're still waiting for you...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Stick It! Tuesday's Traffic n Bungholes

Feed your addiction Duckalicious style...
A super special THANKS A MILLION to Zgirl over at Think Tank Momma for yet another Tuesday with a super awesome Post It video! You rock my stickies friend!!!! When you're finished her, go check her out!

For more great stickies hop over to Supah's place and click a link or two or six!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Memoir Monday - Hood Style

The only rule for Memoir Monday is that it be true. This is true; its just that it’s a short-term memory insofar as it happened last week. Still counts, right?! (that was rhetorical)

Health/gym class is always good blog fodder. The “coach” teaches this class. You’ll find him in a couple of the Convos From the Hood posts. Wednesday last week was bitter cold in our building as there

The entire class was engaged in a game of kickball. Most teenagers want to move nothing more than their thumbs, however there was real risk of freezing to the bleachers or at the very least falling victim to hypothermia.

I shivered on the sidelines as there isn’t much to interpreter during a game of kickball. Standing behind me was Coach’s 75 year old assistant. I’m still not sure as to her purpose other than she’s bff’s with the principal. Although I don’t think sleeping through class is much of a help to the coach.

Anyway, a few caught fly-balls and a few well aimed toss tags and out field//kicking team switches. With the switch comes all the girls who can’t aim their kicks. A wild pitch and a wild kick spurs me to action. I moved smooth outta the way of the incoming ball. Only after the fact do I realize I left the 75 year old woman to defend herself.


She did fine, ball deflected without broken bones or a hip replacement. But still not a very classy thing to do.

Stop judging! Where are all those Darwin supporters now? Doesn’t this fall under the survival of the fittest category? I was just testing her abilities….

To redeem myself I bought a homeless man a cheeseburger from Sonic. That’s America’s Favorite Drivein in case you live under a rock…it’s the Shiznit! The home of the 11,905 calorie Frito Chili Cheese pie! That’s real y’all

I'm super late getting my post out so be sure to click on the book up top and magically be redirected to Travy's blog...he'll have lots of other great Memoirs linked up!

Friday, January 15, 2010

I Technically Didn't Lie

I Technically Didn’t Lie

Of all the possible days in a school year for the supreme hood rat boss to pay a site visit, its on a day I arrived so late it quite possibly could’ve been two days into the future.

As I let myself into our office I detect a stiffness in the air and light chuckles pussyfooting around the room. My bullshit meter is reading off the charts; and then she comes into to view.


Double Damn

Me: Good morning.

HR: Goodness you’re late this morning.

Me: Yes I am (all about taking responsibility for myself). There was a huge wreck at 5th and Gregory, did you hear about it? The back-up was monumental.

…coworker is choking on her coffee and I give her a wicked Imma gonna do a better job than the coffee choking you if you don’t knockitthehelloff stank-eye…

HR: Yes, I do believe I heard about that on the radio; happened quiet early this morning.

Me: Yes ma’am.

She nodds and the topic was swiftly changed and nary another nod towards the fact that I was so late. Later in the hallway…

Me: Thanks for damn near giving me away. I should just shin-kick you on principle!

Coworker: You don’t live anywhere near that accident this morning. In fact its 15 minutes south of here and you live 30min north IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

Me: What’s your point because really the sound of your voice is starting to bore me.

It's a good thing I'm not Catholic, not only would the guilt likely kill me but I wouldn't be a productive member in society. I'd spend 24/7 in the confessional....

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Convos From The Hood - End of 1st Semester

It's baaaaack! Now that school is back in session and the semester is drawing to an end there is PLENTY of blog fodder from the ghetto. In fact, I have at least two more posts worth. So settle in and see what the boys and girls are up to....

There is rarely a dull moment when one works in an inner city high school. I'm fortunate that I don't feel the need for a flak jacket and Rambo to provide some 'cover' while I sprint from my car,         HK 9mm in hand, to the school building.

We'll start with a convo between me and Coach since he was the first teacher I encountered upon returning to work...

Coach: HeyDaffy…. Missed you Merrychristmashappynewyear!
Me: Damn its cold down here! They trying to freeze you out?
Coach: Just so you know, someone broke my mistletoe.
Me: I thought it was just an acorn and some leaves
Coach:. .laughing…it was but someone broke it.
Coach:…dangles keys above head…will this work?
Me: Hmmm. No.
Coach: Damn. You cold.
Me: That’s because there’s no heat down here. Wrap those (knodding at keys) with a hundred dollar bill and I’ll think about it.
Coach: How about a $1?
Me: Writing in zeros doesn’t count
Coach: 100 pennies makes up a dollar.
Me: Is that what’s in your pocket? A penny roll? Nice car-shaped keychain.
Coach: It aint nice. One of the boys found it in the locker room and gave it to me.
Me: So you’re carrying around trash?
Coach: You know we’re ghetto up in here.
Teacher: Next Thursday is your final exam for this semester. Everyone should at least be able to get a D.
Teacher: Rough drafts are due Thursday

Girl: All 10 pages?

Teacher: All.10.Pages

Girl: Shit! Font size 26 right?

Boy: 26? That’s a Dr. Suess book not a research paper.
*name changed

K: you know that girl *LaShondra from my Advocacy class last year?

Daffy: Yes, the theater major?

K: No. She was an acting major

K: I want a caramel colored kid! I don’t want no white baby!

Rae: Hey! Whores can’t be choosy.


K to Daffy: its kinda scary thinking bout graduating in May…you know…whatchew gunna do and stuff...

Daffy: What are your plans?

K: well I think I’m gunna take a year off, then work or hair school or something.

Daffy: So what will you do on your year off?

K: well….that depends….if my disability money goes through then nothing but if I don’t get the money I guess I’ll have to get a job.

...aaaaaand there ya have it peeps! All in a day's work. To catch up on our characters or to read more riveting scholarly colloquy click HERE (<---that one is my favorite )  HERE or HERE. Next CFTH will feature the oft elevated BB Chat Girls! They got my back!!! HOLLA

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

WIMTS Wednesday - Serious Therapy People!

Chief has this great new fad she's starting...and it doesn't involve really bad 80's fashions (surprisingly). So hop on out of your closet and join the fun. This is totally up my alley...I'm constantly at war with my brain to mouth filter and this is the perfect outlet for all the crap my trap catches (or doesn't as the case may be). I am back to work this week and already have some great Convos From The Hood moments. Be looking for the Convos post by the end of the week!

What I Said: Seriously? Who’s *@#% did you suck to get this job?

What I Meant to say: “Perhaps you should consult the documents in front of you one more time. It seems that the bank is entirely in error on this. I am confident the paperwork in front of you will support me 100%. If, as the president, you don’t have the authority to fix this, a phone call to corporate may be in order.”

What I said: "Oh thank you. She’s 16 months old”

What I meant to say: You don’t really care. You’re only asking me so I’ll ask you about yours and frankly lady, I can’t tell whether your kid is a boy or girl. I came here to get out of the house and away from hubs…let the kid burn some energy. I haven’t showered, I have on no makeup, I don’t think I even brushed my teeth. So just back the eff off! Do I LOOK like a people person to you? NO! I hate people. LEAVE ME ALONE.”

....SEE! Sooo therapeutic!

What I said: "Wow. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate."

What I meant to say: "blah blah blah...seriously, did you save all your nagging and bitching until you got to work or am I just that special that you wanted to share with ME?

Hop on over to Chief's place. She's got that linky doodad thing and you can read all about how other people's filter may or may not have malfunctioned! Stay tuned for Convos From The Hood this week...back in action with all its Ghetto-Fabulousness! Giggity giggity giggity goo

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Stick It! Zumba Style

Hosted by Supah Mommy

Feed your addiction Duckalicious Style:

UPDATE*** GO HERE to find out what the heckorama Zumba is!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Memoir Monday - Geez! What Happened To You?

It's Memoir Monday as started by Travis at I Like To Fish. Just a few rules...well...just one that I can remember - It's gotta be true. No problemo dude-o. Settle in for a quick trip into the past.

Most everyone knows that while pregnant your body changes in uncountable ways. Some permanent, some not so permanent (THANK GOD). One of the blessings that goes with the territory is loss of balance….assuming you had any to begin with.

Really, there are some of us that should just wrap ourselves in bubble wrap for the total 10 month experience. I should’ve started the BUBBLE WRAP YOUR ASS movement two years ago. I didn’t. It would’ve behooved me but then when have I done something simply because it hooved someone’s be?

So picture me (okay, any ole gal, since 99.9% of you think of me as a duck) 5 months pregnant. I was HUGE. To drive home this point, at five months gestation I had strangers asking me if I was having triplets. Lovely, eh? Slap a Goodyear sticker on my ass and I could pimp myself to the BLIMP people for advertisements at major sporting events.

Five months into my whale look a like contest and I’m walking into the doc’s office for an ultrasound. Out of nowhere some invisible force pushes me I lost my balance while walking over a curb, I teeter….I warble…I scream….aaaaaaaand face-plant in the asphalt parking lot. Can you believe all I said was “Ouch”?


A few emergency room hours later, a visit to the xray picture people, as well as my doc and I’ve officially busted my kneecap. Damn near clean in two. The baby was/is fine. No one wanted to touch me with a ten foot pole due to the pregnancy. No surgery to fix the knee cap…just a LONG 10 weeks in a full leg brace in the summer…in the Midwest….and a follow up with 3 months physical therapy.

So I’m sitting in the extremely uncomfortable exam room at the Orthopedic Surgeon awaiting my the official prognosis and course of action. In walks the doc, a jovial fella, with my xrays in hand. He says, “Geez! What happened to you?”

Why is that everyone has jokes when you’re cranky and nearing beached whale status?

Of course I reply with a slight shrug of the shoulder, “Some asshole knocked me up.”

It was a full ten blinks before he opened his mouth again. I’m thinking he was using his doctor super powers to gauge whether he should laugh or ignore the comment.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Red Carpet Stompers! And a Giveaway Wiener!

The following lovely ladies passed along the Happy 101 award to me! You have my sincerest thanks!
Working Mommy - Happy Award

Happy 101 Award and Lemonade award from Singewingangel (got TWO from this amazing gal!)

Happy Award from Heather at Two Little Monkeys

I've also been tagged by fellow bloggers for listing 10 things that make me happy. That goes along with this award. I remember for sure that Adrienzgirl over at Think Tank Momma tagged me for this eons ago along with a few others. I'm terribly sorry I can not recall nor find my list of those who tagged me. I want to say Hearts Make Families tagged me too. If you tagged me and I've forgotten tell me what a stupid moron I am in the comments and I'll add your link to this award as well.

Best Blog Award from Amber at Amber's Life

Patrice at Climb Reach Achieve whose blog I still can't figure out. It won't load for me. I can load the background but none of the text. So please, in my absence, visit and spread the lurve for me. I'll figure it out one of these days Patrice. Thanks for your patience!

Scooped up From Life Laugh Latte

Thank you ladies for leaving such awesome comments, making me laugh and posting topics that allow me to pause, reflect and smile!

Leigh at Leigh vs Laundry....this one also was given to me eons ago and I totally spaced saying Thank You in my last awards post. Sorry Leigh. Please accept my humble sleepless apology for the oversight.

Upon making her Blognation comeback, the always witty, insightful, I Will Cease to Amaze and Entertain You, Hillbilly Duhn handed this out for those who made the A List

Thank you. This tickles my funny bone and makes me snort every time I see it!

And of course my bestest BB chat buddy and fellow AWESOME blogger Adrienzgirl, aka Think Tank Momma, affectionately called TNT cause she's DYNOMITE.... handed this out eons ago as well. I never properly thanked her, bowed at her feet, shoved bling down her pants or directed traffic her way in gratitude of her generosity.

Thank you friend. I have not formally, unabashedly let the world know
I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU for this awesome one of a kind award.

Now, I'm totally going to steal from Erin at The Mother Load. I didn't ask her but I know she won't mind. This is what she said:
I want to thank each and every one of you. And don't hate me, but I'm going to join the ranks of other bloggers you may know & love....the awards are so thoughtful and I do appreciate them more than you know. But I lose track and although I try to keep a draft and update it when I get them, sometimes I forget or fall behind. And then there's all the linking up when I pass them on to you fabulous people....

So from now on, I'm making it easy on myself, and FUN for you! If you read & follow my blog, I am giving you each and every one of these awards! I'm gonna add here that you don't have to take them all. You can pick one to display on your lovely blog. I think the Light My Fire and Comment Smackers are reserved for being handed out by the creator but the rest are fair game. I love all my readers so much, it's just too time consuming sometimes to list you all out (there are too many of you, which is a really wonderful thing!). So I encourage you to grab what you want, post it on your blog, and pass it on. I have really been feeling the bloggy love from everyone, but I confess I'm struggling to keep up lately. I can't seem to stay on top of anything (let alone bloggy awards). Please know I do the best I can, but if I don't visit you as often as I should, it's not for lack of trying. There are so many incredible blogs out there and I frankly don't have time to read them all every day. So I read what I can when I can. Thank you for understanding and sticking with me! LOVE YOU ALL and THANKS FOR MY AWARDS!
Thank YOU Erin for letting me steal totally captures EXACTLY what I wanted to say and I'm super short on typing time today. I really wanted to get this post up because it ALSO contains who won the KISS MY SASS giveaway...which I ended a bit early because...well....people stopped commenting on that one!

Thank you all for your great comments. I laughed, rolled my eyes and giggled. I guess honesty wins out and will remain a staple on Batcrap Crazy!

THE WINNER IS (by random can ask Hubs...he was my witness)

Adrienzgirl at Think Tank Momma! email me your 411 girl and I'll get these stems in the mail to you! whoot whoot!

Friday, January 8, 2010

I'm Not Wanted for Homicide! *Fist Pump*

It’s Friday and I haven’t killed anyone yet. I think we can count that a successful week. No?

Five days stuck in the house (with the exception of the mad dash mid week to Wally World) with a stir crazy hubs, a kid who doesn‘t want to sleep and two dogs shrinks your square footage faster than a Biggest Loser reject inhales BigMacs. This isn’t a self imposed quarantine. Mother Nature went psycho dropping blizzard conditions and temps that threaten to freeze nipples and peewees off should you venture out your front door.

It’s been a real test on my patience to say the least. However it has allowed for Becky Homemaker to make an appearance. Despite my propensity to regal you all with tales of my scratching and belching, the velocity with which my potty mouth barfs and the mega displays of strength when carrying my brass balls in my handbag, there is a little woman in me too. Shocker, I know.

This week I’ve been able to spend more than 20 minutes throwing together dinner (suckit Martha Stewart). I cleaned bathrooms for the first time in two years a month. I’ve added a bazillion to the tenth power in new blogs to my reader. AND joined an awesome new bitchy movement for losing weight (hear that belly! Yous going down! Ninja style!!!)

If I were to pick a most favorite pro to getting being sentenced with an extra week at home right after a two week holiday break (aside from the time with my daughter -that's a given) it would be three glorious weeks of not having to wear underwear. Is there anything better? I.THINK.NOT.

To show my softer side, I close out this wintery week with some of my daughter’s favorite photos from her Cheap Perch CafĂ©….

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Thursday's Tittibits of Humiliation -TMI Style

It's that beautiful day of the week again where Lilu forces her loyal subjects to drink the Koolaid...okay...maybe not FORCE but if you want to be one of the cool kids then you do it OR ELSE. For more humiliating junk and why is that funny? stories - visit her here for TMI Thursday

I'm finding lately that its a total toss up as to what will be posted under the Memior Monday heading and the TMI Thursday heading. What does it say that I find the two synonymous? (that was rhetorical btw)

Before the cityI live in went lame and killed all hope of having a major league hockey team, we did get some ice action. This was back about my senior year of highschool. Being more of the 'guy's kind of girl' rather than the 'girl's kind of girl', I often joined my buddies for local sporting events while girls shoe shopped or painted their nails or whatever it is that they did. I love ice hockey. I love the physicality of the sport; I love the fights; the blood spatters; the slamming of bodies against plexiglass walls...damn good times!

Surrounded by much testosterone, I enjoyed yelling and heckling as much as the next dude. Unfortunately for me, my timing was usually way off. The point spread of the game was terribly embarrassing. The home team ZIPPO and the visiting team 7. The game was a total blowout....I could've done better and I have NO skating abilities.

Anypuck, during a particularly difficult sad puck volley and movement down the ice I decide to join the heckling. My big mouth opened and out tumbled, "If you fuck like you play hockey you'll never get it in". Remember the bad timing thing? just so happened I decided to yell this about the time the noise in the stadium ebbed. I think I was the only voice out of 15,000. Super classy. Reall. It's the secret to making friends....not.

Who knew boys were such sissys. You would've thought I was Moses the way they parted and left me out on front street. A few mothers gasped and covered their children's ears (its a freakin' hockey game!) and all my friends took that moment to head for a bathroom break (which I didn't think guys group pottied but whatever).

That's the last hockey game I attended. The city killed it for us after that. I'm pretty sure my mouth didn't have anything to do with it...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What I Meant To Say - Whoosh, its Therapeutic

Chief has this great new fad she's starting...and it doesn't involve really bad 80's fashions (surprisingly). So hop on out of your closet and join the fun. This is totally up my alley...I'm constantly at war with my brain to mouth filter and this is the perfect outlet for all the crap my trap catches. Just bear in mind that I've been stuck at home with the hubs, the kid, two dogs and more inches of snow than any one person should have to endure. As a result the great blog material I get from work isn't present much in the posts this week. If you're new to the pond, please stick with me during this little hiccup. Next week will be back to regular programming with all its Ghetto-fabulousness!

The Situation: I'm in another room, down the hall and around the corner from the kitchen, changing Girl's diaper. What is asked of me?
"Hey! Do I need to put these things back in that bag and drawer?"

What I said: " what would you be referring?"

What I MEANT to say, "You know with the recession and all I had to cut services for my X-Ray vision and ESP so I haven't the foggiest fuckin' idea what the hell you're talking about. Could ya be a little more specific?"

...woosh...see...that already feels better!

The Situation: at the grocery store buying a take and bake pizza. The checker asks of me: "So, what's for dinner tonight?"
What I said: "This pizza" and I even managed a smile.
What I MEANT to say: " We're having fried chicken. I just buy pizzas because its a side effect of my OCD and I hear it can ward off vampires."

The Situation: a woman at Sam's Club says to me, "Oh she's so cute! She must look just like her father."
What I Said: "Thank you"
What I MEANT to Say: okay...really I just wanted to throat chop the bish...

What I Said: "Could you please just entertain her for a little longer? I just need to dry my hair." ...spoken through the bathroom door in regards to the little girl banging on said door hollering Moooooooma!
What I MEANT to Say: "Seriously! Quit workin' on yer ass groove and texting long enough to distract her. I'd like to trim my thighbrow in peace. Geez!" that fab graphic doodah above and see who else is playing today and what they had to say!
I'm hoping to bring you another installment of Convos From The Hood if this stupid ass weather decides to cooperate. So far our school district has canceled classes Monday, Tuesday and Today...not likely we'll be going back Thursday or Friday either. My home is shrinking by the moment. Hubs is also off as we both work for the same school district. Seriously, my bloglife is totally suffering because of this (hear that Motha Fuhcka Nature you're crampin my style!). I promise I'll be back to the good stuff. Just hang tight with me. K? Thankyouverymuch

Wait...did I already say that? I think I already said that.



Stick it! It's Tuesday

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Feed your addiction Duckalicious Style...

Dear Chief at Hiding From the kids.... somehow the uber awesome post it I made you disappeared, but you're still the top dog since you posted a whole day early for the TUESDAY Post Its :O)

Monday, January 4, 2010

Kiss My Sass and Have a Martini

So it seems that the 100th post milestone is something to be celebrated. As I am most usually late to every party in Blognation, I am just as dependably late to this one. Sometime over the holiday break (break for me, as I had 10 days vacay from the hood) I passed the 100th post. Yeah Me! That's mostly the reason I'm skippin the Memoir bring you this bulletin...

Who knew at the inception of Batcrap Crazy that I would actually have 100+ posts worth of something to say?

Okay...stupid question.

I knew. (On more than one occassion nearly every waking second I've been called mouthy. To me its a compliment -so suckit) The surprising part is all the readers I picked up along the way. I thought about typing out my grandest thanks to those who started with me and are still with me tossing out breadcrumbs so others can find my Duckalicious pond too. You all know how grateful I am...I'm pretty big on giving Thanks often and sharing my gratitude so that if I should bite the big one there won't be even one person who wondered if I appreciated their presence in my life.  I won't blather on because really, what y'all want to know is how the Martini's play into this.

I've decided to do a giveaway. Evidently its the thing to do these days when reaching a blog milestone. Since I'm destined to be a follower I too shall offer up some goods to keep you around a bit. Nothing wrong with bribing...seriously people. I'm always up for a good bribe FYI.

This is what you will receive should you win....a set of 4 Fabulously Fun Martini glasses from Pier One.

(I couldn't decide which photo to use so I just stuck in all three. Then I didn't have to pick one. You make the decision of which one you want to look at. K?!....regardless of the lighting or angle, you get a purple stem, green stem, orange stem and blue stemmed Martini glass. The painted wine bottles in the background will not be included.)
To be entered I'd simply like for you to kiss my the comments section let me know what you love about me. I'm needy like that. I'm such a dorK IRL that I need validation virtually. I'd like to know what keeps you coming back Monday thru Friday and the occassional check in to see if I've actually posted on the weekend.

I'm hoping your input will help me focus my sporatic Nativity Scene waving  thoughts into post worthy material.

Leave me something...anything...of what you like in the comments. I've got thick skin and welcome constructive criticism too  (I already know I'm a terrible speller so no need to bring that up). Don't be mean. I don't like mean; makes me violent mean...justsayin. The winner will be randomly chosen using very technically advanced random number drawing techniques. (Which translates to imma putting yer digits in a bowl and letting the dog choose). Giveaway entry closes on Wednesday January 13, 2010. I like the number we'll give it til then for you all to get entered.

Guess we should talk rules....I don't like lets keep it simple. One entry per day and you can't tell me something someone has already said. (Yes, that forces you to read through the comments to see just how awesome I am. HA! I'm emmensly proud of myself for that one btw).

Good Luck and Thanks A Million!!
Cheers to 100 more!!!!

PS: if you don't have your email enabled on your profile, you best be leaving me an email in the comments. If I can't notify you, I'll have to have the dog draw another number....