If you’ve been around the pond for any length of time you know that most often post topics center around the stupidness I faceplant into (<---that link is probably a helluva lot funnier than this one, justsayin) or happen to be surrounded by. This is one of those posts -a faceplant one.
A few memoirs back I shared my love of fire, heat, the way it mesmerizes me and draws me in. Like a stripper to a pole so am I to a flame. And of course when you mix stupid and fire someone is bound to get burned.
Dumbass table of one….now seating…..
Boring stuff short? I hit a hot sale at the Yankee Candle store and brought home enough scented candles to cover Martha Stewart’s farts for a year. JACKPOT!
So there I sit at the kitchen table with my line of orgasm by fire laid out in front of me. After selecting the first beautiful specimen to touch with my fire stick, I strike it up and sit back basking in the glow of pleasure.
2 minutes pass….I don’t smell anything yet.
I’m not of the patient sort….I glance at the clock. I’m getting pissy that this stupidass over-priced candle that I bought isn’t worth shit because it doesn’t smell.
Yeah…THAT worked out well.
Not only did I not smell anything but I was so mesmerized by the flickering flame that I had no awareness of how close I actually was to said flame.
CUE SINGED HAIR….lost some eyelashes and all the hair in my nose. Yeah, I’ve got hair in my nose…I’m not really a duck you know. And let me tellya, singed nose hair? Smells disgusting...and you can't escape it and its really weird having these little singed hairballs in your nose....
I don't suggest you try this at home.