Monday, February 15, 2010

If You Can't Take the Heat Get Outta The Kitchen

"…mom we did some cool experiments in Science today.
'Glad you had a good day Daffy.'
'I have a paper describing how to do it at home. It was really easy to do at school; do you think I could try it again tonight? (which was a total lie. We DID NOT try the experiment at school. It was dangerous.)
'Sure. After dinner.'"

So fast forward through dinner and cleaning up because I’m sure somehow my sisters made sure I was on dish duty that night. Every one was busy elsewhere in the house. Mom set me up with a small sauce pan and the corn starch the experiment required. I was in 6th grade afterall; totally competent to handle myself at the stove.

A little cornstarch in the bottom of the pan…..low heat….it removes the moisture in the starch. I expertly wiggled the pan now and again to prevent burning. That would come later; the burning.

Sufficient time for the moisture to cook away and then I moved to stage two. At the island was three lovely pieces of construction paper laid out awaiting their line. With the deft skill of a lifetime snorter 6th grade perfectionist I lined out the cornstarch on center of each piece which was then rolled into straw like tubes.

Step three required a lighter and some blowing power. Step 3 on the worksheet says to be sure that nothing flammable is in your work area and to be sure there is adult supervision. WHATEVER.

So I am standing where the X is (see picture below). I pick up my first rolled tube of moisture free corn starch and instead of blowing I end up sucking. It could happen to anyone so shutyerpiehole. After chugging some Gatorade (the old school kind…you know, the orange powder mix) I pick up my awesome tubular mega straw number 2.
Flick the Bic....

Flame roaring at the end of my fully extended right arm, I take a deep breath before putting my lips to the tube and blow…


BAM!

Shooting flames come roaring out as the cornstarch meets flame and it is the COOLEST FREAKIN’ THING I’VE EVER SEEN JUST LIKE SPECIAL EFFECT EXPLOSIONS IN THE MOVIES! I’m screaming out of excitement and the smoke alarm is screaming out of fear. My mother rushes in to find her refrigerator torched black.


Remember that little diagram above?


I was standing opposite of the fridge.


It was white.


Now its black.

Mother sorta freaked out - the wuss. Once all the screeching stopped (including the fire alarm and my sisters) I realized there was still one tube left. My mother realized she should’ve looked at the experiment paper first. I totally snuck outside to torch something else while she fretted over how to clean the fridge (turns out it was just soot....no damage done).

I’m thinking that the fascination with fire and things that explode is quite possibly genetic. Yesterday, I grabbed one of those BBQ Grill lighters to light a candle. Upon seeing the flame flick out my 17 month old’s eyes go wide and she says, “Oooh! Pretty Mommy”. She may look like her father but she's momma through and through!





Last week's participation in Memoir Monday  was epic! Be sure to jump ponds and visit Travis at I Like to Fish. Read other memoirs or post and link yours! It's the latest craze. Everyone is doing it and SO SHOULD YOU!

42 comments:

adrienzgirl said...

I love to blow shit up! Love it! I am a card carrying of Phantom Fireworks! Hubs thinks I have a problem for sure. However, I never lit my momma's kitchen on fire.

You win!

Tiffany said...

i have a friend who's maiden name is wissel. when she was in elementary school the boys (because boys are pretty classy people) used to say 'c'm on wissel, can't you blow?'...apparently, you can.

Kat said...

OH now THAT is funny! You sound like you would have fit in nicely with my boys when they were growing up!

Shell said...

OMG. I wonder how long it will take my boys to blow up my kitchen. Probably not long at all.

June said...

Some how I don't find this the least bit surprising Ducky! And now little Miss has an eye for FIRE...

Better keep that fire extinguisher handy!

Tracie said...

Your poor husband.

Adoption of Jane said...

LMAO i can picture it all but in my mind your still the cartoon version of your blog button! Super Funny!!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

LMAO!! Your poor MOM! haha Though I'm thinking that you would fit in great here!

Whenever anyone gets a hankering for blowing shit up, or making fire, we get out the cannon's hubs made and he fills them with wadding and black powder and that is when I hope and pray and cross my fingers that he won't catch the woods on fire!!

Tracie said...

Your husband will have a sad day when your daughter grows up to find this blog post and try this little experiment out for herself! I hope he has stashed a fire extinguisher in each room of the house!

powachair said...

friggin hilarious. sounds like something my son would do. fortunately he's never heard of it or im sure he would have.

Travis said...

If you think I'm not going to try this the SECOND I get home tonight, you are completely wrong.

If I had discovered this 15 years ago, it would have changed my life.

You know, with jail time.

Hissyfits & Halos said...

You could be related to my husband, quite seriously. Remind me to tell you about his fixation with gasoline and fireworks! lol ;)

I know a girl that could use that kitchen experiment to singe off some facial hair and chest hair! lol

Salt said...

We never got to do such cool experiments at home! This sounds like something I want to try out right now! (Outside of course.)

Corrie Howe said...

Sounds like you are related to all those guys and gals on The MythBusters. Of course we know that you will know better with your daughter.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am cracking up!! LMAO!!

HeatherLynn said...

this one had me belly laughing here at the office! Oh Duck!

I can't believe you conned your momma like that....a little conniver you were! I dig your want to blow shit up though....I come from a long line of fire lovin people myself!

We had a wood burning stove instead of force heat furnace growing up....so yeah, it was FIRE, FIRE, FIRE...a lot at our house!

Glad your eyebrows and nose hairs survived this episode in tact!

xoxo
~hl~

Cathy said...

Awesome! I know what Auntie Cathy will be doing with her nieces next time we visit!

You're drafting skills are quite nice.

Mrsblogalot said...

I'd almost forgotten about the awesome blow up experiments! Can't wait to have the first explosion!

Do I get a new house if it goes bad?

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

my son has been begging me to do his star wars lava/volcano experiment that MY MOTHER got him for christmas. dammit it all, the store is ALWAYS out of club soda. a vital component.

Amber said...

Thats Hilarious! I can so see you doing that! That sounds like a fun experiment

Alexis AKA MOM said...

LOL I so could see you doing it!!! You're freaking funny my mom would have gone postal and hit me into the wall! I mean really I would have been part of the plaster, she may even would have panted over my body since it would have ruined the paint ;)

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

WHOA! My favorite line of this was you screaming out of excitement, the smoke alarm screaming "out of fear".

By the way, my mother didn't let me touch the stove til I was 16 years old. No joke.

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

Coffeypot said...

I find it interesting that, at age 6, the first thing you do when you get your hands on something round and hard and put to your lips is you suck on it. You were born to do that? You have a lucky husband!

Sunday said...

ROFL! That sounds like one helluva experiment.
I am thinking I will not share it with my hubby to prevent the burning down of our house.
Cause he would totally want to try it.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Wow, you had such a trusting mother! That's the kind of thing I WISH I had done as a kid! Too funny.

tori said...

One night my 16 y/o son had two friends sleeping over. At 2 am the hubby and I hear this huge explosion outside. Hubby jumps out of bed and immediately checks my sons room (instinct I think)-it's empty. He gabs his clothes just as the three boys come running through the neighbors yard and the cops pulling up. The hubby lied and said they were just getting home. We never did find out what they did to cause the explosion. I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.

The Blue Zoo said...

Wow! You were a brave girl!!

rxBambi said...

that is so funny! And to think, all I burned was the carpet in a brand new house...

The mad woman behind the blog said...

You had so much more fun than we did as kids. We were limited to burning ants w/ magnifying glasses.

Quixotic said...

OMG!! That is freakin hilarious!!! I can just picture your Mum's face (and your little pyro eyes all lit up with excitement!!).

Housewife Bliss said...

I just love coming to you and laughing my ass off-- thanks for my daily dose of giggles.

LB said...

LOL! That's a great trick!

Danielle said...

Gawd, not only funny, but a pyro and an artist too!
:):):)

Aunt Juicebox said...

OMG Totally in tears laughing! I need to make my husband write some of the crap he did to nearly kill himself as a kid. Oh yeah!

And you've inadvertently let me in on why you read my blog: reject factor. Sads.

leigh said...

We totally would have hung out. I would go with a box of matches and a squirt gun to a vacant lot next door to my parents' house. I'd blaze up some dry grass and watch it burn until it was almost out of control and then I'd squirt the flames out with my water gun.

Friggin' awesome!

Heather @ Two Little Monkeys said...

LOL that's too funny. I shall not tell my son about this experiment!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Oh Good God. I am so deathly afraid of fire that even reading this story is making me wide eyed and my neck hairs are all at attention.

That One Mom said...

You draw good. :D...

Thanks for giving me hope for The Girl! Maybe her troublemaking ass will turn out alright after all. Yours did!

ScoMan said...

I'm really more of a melter than an exploder. Explosions scare me.

I would have freaked out if I'd done what you did.

Maryx said...

You can kinda expect something like that from Daffy! =)

Way to go!

Dual Mom said...

You so light your farts on fire, don't you?

Ed Adams said...

You're kind of like a dude sometimes.

That's good shit.